Doesn't that just make the A just a little bit more sleazy? But I'm sure I could find a million reasons to puke if my wife would had slept with a bank executive also...

To find out that my wife slept with some under employed bar trash... well just because he was exciting. Wow.

She first defended him to me as someone who "owned his own business". I was ultimately able to put that myth to bed.

I'm sure that she was ashamed to admit what kind of guy she was with when she portrayed him to me.

Please keep in mind, that I had thrown her away and we weren't living together when this all went down.

But, to see the kind of guy she picked out on her own, well it's mind boggling. I mean, she could have pursued any number of guys she associates with who are professionals and have careers... and who are horny.

I know this says much about my wife's character and maybe I didn't make a good choice when I picked her the first time.

One of her psychological needs is to have me dominate her... that is in a gentle, kind way. She loves to play the submissive role to me, even though that's really not part of her day to day professional life and persona. She's normally confident and successful at her job, herding subordinates around.

I know that these are deep psychological matters. I believe I'm dynamic enough to be what she needs me to be... as long as I don't grow weary of playing that role. The thing is, maybe I go for this type of woman. I was on a huge mysogynist bent all last summer when I was seperated from her. Maybe we're perfect for each other (as long as we get some guidance...)

In all honesty, our day to day life together is really quite normal and we're really quite passionate and happy right now.

As long as I keep an even keel I don't forsee any problems for us in the future. But that is a lot of responsibility for me to bear. I hope I'm up to it.

I just have the ability to see deep psychological aspects of both her and I. I'm not sure if she has the ability to totally comprehend these things.

We are seeing a pretty good marriage counselor... after a half dozen sessions of trying to work on our communication (listening) techniques, he's just now starting to dive into our habits and experiences that we brought into the marriage, which were detrimental.

I thought we were done with counseling, but I'm finding out, we're just beginning. Should be an interesting ride.

I'm not really having second thoughts about keeping her, just looking at the big picture.

Sorry, I had to vent.

I'll see your underemployed bar trash and raise you a 48 year old career elementary school janitor.

Here is the thing....I'd rather (rather? what a tough word to get out here) she have a quivering little guy with a grunt job who I can dominaste physically and legally than a 300 lb biker or a multi-millionaire who could kick my a$$ in reality or court, respectively.

I mean, I guess. Pick your poison, is all it is.

LOL! It's just life, I guess. There's consequences to the choices we make. Too bad we can't all see the future.

There are times I think Gollum may actually be gay. His BxW told me she wondered that from time to time herself on the day I exposed.

Wayzilla and Gollum? Will and Grace? You never know.

That describes my wife's ex-husband to a tee... you don't live in Iowa, do you?

Well....this is all becoming very classist, but the other factor is once all the details were out her family was APPALLED. Not because they are snobs, they are mostly blue collar, but because they love me and were always impressed with the lifestyle I had afforded her. And now she was hooking up with a guy pushing a broom.

Or spreading Quik-Dry on 2nd graders' vomit, as I prefer to picture it.

So, rather than it being "he must have not been making her happy" it was (literally) "maybe she has a brain tumor".

Anyway, again, I'm waiting to get blasted here by "long-time MB board member janitor". I don't mean to sound like a snob, but it all weighs in when you are considering this mate swapping stuff.

Take that back.

How about an unemployed fry cook at a downtown dive?

I have heard most WS trade down for some reason.

Not exactly Errol Flynn.

I could play but then that might stop all the fun.

It is interesting isn't it?

It is said that most WS's trade down in an affair.

Also said that most WS's select an AP from the bottom end the food chain, shallow end of the gene pool, because they want to feel superior in this relationship.

WS's use affairs to make themselves feel better, important.

Winner! Winner! Chicken dinner!

Well I do... I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry?!

Mike,

I wonder, perhaps, if your wife vigorously pursued OM? Perhaps OM was once upon a time reasonably happy just as he was, but then your wife leaped out from the shadows and jumped his bones. Not having much previous experience with this kind of woman, this kind of thing, he may not have been able to resist too well.

Perhaps your wife’s OM is not the slavering predator you envision?

Perhaps he is an ordinary guy who was caught in a very well-spun web? (I submit his crying as evidence.)

Some of the more interesting, enjoyable, moral and ethical people I know are garbage men, plumbers and, yes, even janitors. And some of the major slime balls I have met are bankers, doctors, PhD professors and airline pilots. To name a few.

Roy:

Sorry for what you are going through...been there, brother.

I have done a great deal of reading, research, and talking to other BS/WS and can tell you that the WS "trading down" is the RULE not the exception. Read Dr. Pittman's article about infidelity on the Psychology Today website for professional, clinical confirmation of this phenomenom and WHY it usually is that way. The affair is NOT ABOUT YOU (although she will try to convince you that everything is your fault while at the same time telling you that her adultery "has nothing to do with us"). It all B***SH*T.

The affair IS ABOUT HER. It is all about her character issues, failure to defend boundaries, and her selfish and destructive fantasies. The reason the OM is almost always a complete loser is that she is in a such a needy and desperate place that she would fall for virtually ANYONE who showed her the slightest bit of attention and admiration. Waywards would fall in love with a goat if it listened to them and talked to them...and then tell everyone about how "special" the goat is and how the two of them are "soulmates". LOL....it took me a long, long time to understand and accept how illogical and irrational the addiction of adultery is to someone who slides down that slippery slope.

No amount of reasoning will convince them otherwise and completely grounded, upright people can seemingly become insane by sacrificing all they have and all they believe in to indulge the euphoric addiction that is "soulmate-dom". How ironic it is that they usually do all this for someone so completely unworthy, so inherently incompatible, and so far beneath what they would have considered to be suitable romantic partnershiup material under "normal" circumstances!

As a personal illustrative note, my xWW (a college educated, intelligent, intuitive, tasteful, God-fearing Christian woman BEFORE) had an affair, got a divorce, threw away her family, home, husband, friends, and future, and later married her affair-partner. He is/was/has:

18 years older
Short and pot-bellied
Barely finished high school
Dishonorably discharged from the military for AWOL violations
Now on his 4th marriage
Cheated on ALL 3 previous wives
Abandoned (physically/emotionally/financially) 2 of his 3 children--from 3 DIFFERENT WOMEN
Is a father "in name only" to his 3rd
Has been jailed for non-payment of support
Is currently being sued by BW#3 for past-due support and full custody
A smooth-talking pathologic liar...for 20+ years
Hated by 2 of his kids and barely acknowledged by the 3rd
Estranged from his own relatives
Heavily under-employed (construction economic collapse)
NOTHING in common with her in terms of interests, goals, and values
Tried to secretly get back with his BW#3 during the A
Only married xWW because she had the money to recoup his divorce losses and was under an ultimatim and ....
Is currently IMPOTENT

TOP THAT!

I'll see your janitor and raise you an arrogant short fat bald "californian".

That is very perceptive, because it has slowly come to light that she definitely was the pursuer. This was after I (stupidly, let it go) showed her some emails reminding her of stuff a few weeks ago.

After having said it was "mutual" for four months, she very sadly admitted that she was "the aggressor" and he was "reluctant". The OM also said to me "she was so unhappy, if it hadn't been me it would have been someone else." lol....that REALLY ticked WW off when I told her that...

now....that doesn't change the fact that the guy wound up writing my WW love poems and banging her in my house. I never thought he was a predator, I just thought he was somebody I owed a serious beat down to...

Hey, I understand it as a guy. He'll be dreaming about my WW the rest of his life. His wife is a troll.


It's incredible you say that, because my WW is an airline pilot.

The ow for which xh left me was possibly not a trade down. Possibly. But, even though he left me for her - she never went out with him - wouldn't accept his overtures. I guess she was too smart for that. However, wife2 is definitely a trade down.

Not that I beleive you there, but I rest my case just the same.

OW was not a troll but she had nothing going for her other than being reasonably attractive. Tramp-o-lean is slender with fake boobs but she did not age well in the face. Not hideous but looks older than her age. OW's family belongs on Jerry Springer...pure PWT. FWH is grossed out by some of the things OWH clued him in on about OW.

Any woman FWH has ever slobbered over was always of a lower level job and economic status than him. Nothing better than a gullible young thing to hang on every word he said and think he was the bestest thing since sliced bread. :RollieEyes: Plus he had a nice car and good job so they probably thought they had hit the lotto ball. LOL So he's married...he drives a nice car and is really interest in what I have to say. :RollieEyes: :twobyfour:

Tramp-o-lean was a gold digger who was looking for a replacement husband. I'm sure the leech will find someone very soon.