I'm new here and have been reading for a bit. My fwh had a "ons" a long time ago, but I found out about 2 yrs ago, at that time I also came across a couple times he viewed inappropriate material on the computer, it wasn't through a porn site but it was porn it was the "erotic" section of a selling forum. I've been really struggling with the trust issues since. My question is I have alot of trust issues, he has done everything he should as far as rebuilding trust which is great. However I still struggle. My fwh and I don't go out alone with friends we always do things together however my fwh has a hobby, which we usually do as a family but at times I can't go and he likes to go, he goes with his "riding" buddies and they are all guys, however on occassion one of the guys will bring a female and this bothers me, partly because my fwh is very friendly and if this female rode I worry my fwh would "help" this female out. He promises me he wouldn't do that anymore (he has done it before) but it still bothers me, I don't want to cause any agruments with us since we have been doing well but the time is coming and I want to know how to handle it. I know I can't keep him from doing something he loves but it bothers me but again I don't want to seem like I'm being controlling of the things he does and prevent him from doing something, do I just need trust what he's telling me since he's done everything he should and am I being way too jealous and insecure. Thanks for anyones help

Hopefully somebody else can comment on this too, but honestly, I think you can just tell him exactly what you're telling us. It seems like he has been active in regaining your trust, you respect him, but want to be honest about how you feel. I don't see the problem with that if you aren't blaming him for anything.

It's kind of like the policy of radical honesty, though I don't think it's all that radical. And once you guys and openly discuss it, perhaps you can come up with an agreement that will allow him to enjoy his hobby without feeling controlled, while giving you a sense of security at the same time. (Policy of Joint Agreement)

thank you. I'll have to read about the radical honesty thing. So we kind of talked about it tonight and he said that because he knows his boundries and he wouldn't do those things such as "helping" the females (which again that doesn't happen often where a female shows up to ride, it's usually they go and sit back at camp so my fwh would only see them at breaks) and has done everything to build trust back, I shouldn't worry or prevent him from going, and I dont want to prevent him from going but I want to feel "secure" and at ease when he goes, not be worried and afraid or does that just come with time? Are those things enough of whatever radical honesty is for us to come to an agreement about him going? Thanks

Has he written out a list of extraordinary precautions - such as he won't discuss his personal life, or her personal life, his marriage or hers, won't be alone with a female, will let you know about any inappropriate feelings, etc?

Thank you, he hasn't written this stuff out but we have talked about it in great detail. I do believe he would follow all of those things as he says he would the feelings part I don't know, that seems hard to think about if someone would tell someone they have feelings for someone else. He isn't "alone" with anyone however it's trail riding so usually how it works in any ride is one person who knows the way leads and then another person who knows the way is in the back in case they get broke up with the less experienced in the middle kids or whoever he's with, so usually if someone in the middle is having trouble someone in the group behind helps so he could be alone with someone, females dont go in the group very often usually if one goes they stay back.
So if says he'll follow these things I should just put my trust in him that he truly will do what he says? He can say anything but I want to trust him because I feel like I'm a prisoner by feeling no trust it seems to cause me more heartache than I want to have if that makes sense. thanks again