This might take a while so I will try to condense as much as possible.
Girlfriend and I met, more of a mutual care that got stronger and stonger that turned to love. She became my best friend, never got tired of laughing, physically we were perfect togther.
Had our rough times at the start but worked through alot.
We bought a home together, moved in. Travelled. got 2 dogs, I thought we were going in the right direction. Didn't talk about marriage much. She is from a European family and said she was happy without gatting married.
Sorry, I don't want to rehash everything, but I ended up catching her having an affair. It was so unbelievably painful. Some cop who sweet talked her. Anyway, we split they continued for about 2-3 months. She and I ended up getting back togther. I won't even go into finding the letter she wrote to him after we got back together saying how she was going back to me but he was her hero, how he was so handsome...maybe another time. She never mailed it but said it was her closure letter. Whatever it was it reopened wounds and hurt double. That was back in October.
We go to councelling and things are working for the better. I do deeply care about her. I can't shake that hurt. BTW if you ever cheat on someone please dont do it with a cop/detective...I will say aside from cooking shows the ONLY thing on tv has something to do with affairs or cops or both!! I am serious (watch tv with me in mind and you will see!)
Anyway, we are moving forward and moved back in, but most of my stuff is still in storage. I have resolved to forget about it. But I can't. It sticks to me like glue. I am a good looking, funny, self assured guy but this has made me so insecure about myself. I compare myself to him daily, I mean, she called him her hero, what guy wants to think of that?
But I do care about her, which is after all this rambling, comes to my problem. She is now talking about the future, marriage,we are travelling to Mexico next week and I think she thinks I am going to propose. And I was thinking about it but I feel like I am trapped. I don't want to lose her again but 2 weeks ago she was late and I thought she was pregnant and all I felt is how I don't want this. I was relieved when she wasn't pregnant. I guess I feel guilt wracked because now the house we bot together is in her name (I got off the mortgage after the affair) and I feel if I leave her she is going to get crushed financially. (Part of me still wants to stick it to her for what she did but deep inside I don't want to hurt her).
Does any of this rambling make sense at all? I mean, is there anything left, is this the time it supposed to hurt before it gets better?
Oh well, if you can make sense of this and have advice please share.
Oh annd I am not perfect I did have a small affair at the beginning of the relationship well before we bought a home together (and no I didn't sleep with her)
Thanks!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Glad you have found us.

Please use some kind of contraceptive so that she doesn't get pregnant.

She has FLUNKED the prospective wife test. Go to Mexico and have fun, and take some time to think about things. We have a lot of men here who married a cheater, and now have several kids, and the wife is continuing to cheat, and they are kicking themselves for not seeing the red flags.

How old are you guys?

If she started to cheat on you, theirs still the possibility that she will do it again because all sje knows that if she will do it again, you will still forgiver her and take her back. I'm so sorry but you deserved someone better than her.

The hero comment would stick with me too. You have to get that resolved before you can move on Have you talked with her much about how that feels? That you don't want to be the guy that she settled for, and not the guy that she dreams about. Regardless of whether you chose to stick it out with her, or to just move on, I think it's good idea to let her know just how important that is. Perhaps she will fight for you and realize what she has. Perhaps she won't. But you won't have that doubt anymore, IMO.

Dear Deeply confused...don't propose her as yet...you are split in two things u don't want her and u want her too which is not possible...analyze why u want her or u think u love her is it due to this house?do u have a place of your own?are u financialy independednt?why do u lack confidence?do u think if u let her go or breakup with her u won't get another girl?i am doubtful about ur love for her here i think its damaged and no more here if you think you want a relationship with her then take ur time i would suggest you talk to her about it don't bottle up all the things inside you. tell her how you feel about the affaur and everything...note down the things u want to ask her and say to her and then have a discussion over it this will surely clear things between you too...maxico is a good place to resolve ur differences...all the best