POMDBD3,

Thank you for forwarding everything on.

As for me, I am waiting for the final divorce papers to show up tommorrow. I'm not sure how I'll feel. It's up to me to send them to the commissioner to issue the decree. It just boggles my mind that a friendship that started 23 years ago, blossomed into love 13 years ago is now ending in divorce. It's not what I want, it's not what the kids want. Maybe one of these day's WW will see the devastation she has caused me, the kids, her sister, and most importantly, herself.

It's going to happen... After OM leaves for greener pastures, she will be forced to see what a mess she has made of her life. And then she will realize what a mess she has made of your life, of your kid's lives.

She is going to crash hard, and her life and self-image are going to be totally demolished. Her life will be like Hiroshima. And she will feel it.

This whole thing... the OM's predatory subversion of her... it is nothing short of diabolical.

AW's husband here

I'd give you the advise I'd give my troopers in a situation like this. It all sucks and is unfair but its what you have to work with. Sometimes you just have to suck that up and do the best for the kids and forget the ww for the time being.

Your ww has been so brainwashed that I have this niggling thought that after all of this washes out whichever way it ends, that you may find that the OM and your ww had an earlier inappropriate relationship maybe in her teens before your marriage. There may be a heap of FOO issues there.

Right now I don't think your ww is salvageable, she is just too far under om influence. I 'd say look to saving your kids from the coming collapse & see if you even want to give it a try later on with your ww, if shes even still there. I wouldn't be surprised if she takes off with the om to parts unknown, she is acting pretty way out there when the om is around.

Get custody if possible and maybe a order that the kids cannot be removed from the local area.

Perhaps you could offer to your ww to look after the kids for a few weeks while she packs and moves – to wherever. Then YOU will know they are safe and ok.

And frankly I would be even more determined to see them away from your ww if the om does a runner or drops her like a hot rock. She'll likely spew out the poison like Mt St Helens and the kids really don't deserve crap like that, or even to see or hear it.

Yes I know its so easy for me to say do this stuff, but really, what choice do you seriously have for the kids right now? Walking away is hard, but you need to be sane and in good shape to look after your kids, they are so going to need you over the next few years.

There may be reconciliation and recovery down the road however I'd be suspicious of any sudden turn around right now. To be honest for some reason your ww actons set off a whole lot of red flags for me but I'm not sure why. I don't think you can save her either. Just do whats best to see the kids protected.

Ask her what you can do for her. Tell her you care. Explain that you are on a tight time budget and fiscally compromised. The point is - talk to her, nicely.

Frak being nice. Be indifferent.

But nice? Why?

What's the point?

Seriously, there comes a point when the damage is so great that I don't see the point of being nice to someone who has betrayed you, taken your children, disrespected you, stabbed you in the back, taken your property, and turned your life upside down.

Forget nice.

Don't be mean. Be indifferent.

I'm trying to be indifferent. But, it is very, very hard to be nice to someone who has done what she did. If there were no kids involved, I would have walked away as fast as I can. But, it is impossible not to be triggered because of how much she is hurting the kids.

THere is no point in being nice. All it got me was a divorce. Indifference is best.

Best to do what is a 180. Moving on, pleasant, self sufficent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know what she has done and how she has done it. Nothing new in WW stakes.

Where has it been that that you have quit trying to get back mom.

You experienced guys know the deal. Momma is expecting disaster. OM has been her savior. Have you quit plan A to get better deals with the kids.

Can you please tell me your plan?

ITA, just out of curiosity, are you planning on keeping any of the horses?

I don't know why I am asking... maybe i was thinking that maybe one of them is special to you or if they just mattered to her.

Hey PSU,

You've done so well so far and stressed elsewhere how deep in the red you've gone.

Scrap Plan A and go straight into Plan B.

This is obviously to protect yourself and to help bring her to that rock bottom.

What would you say:

Thanks for the years before this time which you enjoyed. Thanks for two great kids.
Various things that she has done has underscored her credibility. You do not wish to experience this again. To protect yourself would she please continue to communicate through X.
Child transfer will take place 10 feet away that communication between you shall be limited.
When there is no OM, communication may become possible.
May God be gracious to you. Goodbye.

psubiker

I remember when you first came here in September 2008. Six months have flown by. In this time you have accomplished a lot.

When the OM leaves her after he finds a place to keep his horses will be the first day your WW will hear the fog horn.

Will her fog clear. Some WW's won't because they will always refuse to admit the reckage they left in their wake.

I hope she clears so she can at least become a good mom again.

Once the divorce does through I think that you may need to do a plan B to heal. Kick this around. Ask some veteran WW's.

A dark plan B is where I intend to go once all of the loose ends are tied up. This means by the end of the month. I've been in a modified plan B for a about a month and a half - with little ones and one with a recently diagnosed speech issue, we've had to have some form of civilized contact. Looking back, I can only recall one conversation where we just BS'd with each other like old times. THe rest was around the divorce or kids logistics.

By the end of the month, the following will be accomplished:

- divorce final

- bankruptcy filed and in process

- closed on the house sale

- my stuff from house tucked away in storage for future use or E Bay

- child support set and finalized. We filed a couple of months ago but did not fill the paperwork out right so we are seeing the mediator. Plus I want to point out to the courts how she lied about the daycare costs as well as sticking me with 3/4 of the bill when we agreed on splitting it.


Things still up in the air

- Where WW will live with her 4 dogs, 10 horses, and OM

- How to manage DD3 speech therapy issues

- Moving the kids to a new school

Nothing I do while OM is around is going to sink into WW's head. Hence, plan A won't work. He's been playing her since June about my "evilness" and anything positive I do is immediately spun back to her by him as being devious. This has been pointed out to her by pretty much everyone.

As for the horses, that is her problem right now. I have no interest in keeping any. I knew going in I was marry a horse person. She has sold several over the last few months. She has talked like she thinks the horses aren't maritial property.

Property division happens after the decree is granted. I'm keeping my cards close to the vest about the horses - they are assets so will be included in property division per my attorney. I KNOW she liquidated a lot of the horses to pay for OM and her bills which means their value will come out of her split of the house.

Ok a FWW opinion on when or if your ww will defog?

well I would say its conditional from what info you have supplied.

IF she is left hanging onto om's coat tails while he finds another victim to suck dry ... then it will be longer and perhaps far far to late for anything but a shrug from you in the future.

However

if om takes off due to the pressure coming on from child support and the need to keep 10 horses for sale then I'm guessing the sudden stop as she encounters the ground will be quick and very messy.

I'm not sure if the fog will fade though for some time in any event. It isn't just the affair to deal with but her abuse of the children by trying to use them against you in getting restraining orders. To admit all of that will be overwhelming and is likely to be resisted by her for sometime.

Its difficult to put into words now how I felt while fogged out... the most absurd and sordid things made so much sense to me
but no one else. It felt like everyone else I new.. family & friends were JUST SO STUPID ... I knew I was so right about everything. no one could tell me anything.

My guess is your ww will lie... wheedle... try lots of things in the meantime to get her own way. She won't really understand what Plan D really means either. And expect to be blamed for everything from the stock market crash to the loss of land values and everything in between.

IF she splats hard as many here are guessing if om goes (hopefully) ... then you will be faced with a choice of D and hanging around to see if anything can be built from the ground up .. or you D and find another road without her to happiness.

I am holding out some faint hope for you both in the long term though. As long as om is out of the picture & she gets a lot of IC to be able to resist leeches like him.

Aussiewife,

Believe me, the running joke between the extended families is its MY FAULT! By this I mean if it's on CNN, I did it.

WW has lied, lied, and lied some more so she can protect her POSOM. For instance, on the infamous red car, back in November and December she said OM's mother bought it for him. Then, in the bankruptcy meeting, she let it slip it was her's. In the beginning of January, she said she turned it into the dealer. Last week, she was driving it.

The inspections on the house were done a couple of days ago. I got a call from WW and it sounds like she wants the sale to fall through. She was saying stuff that if this deal falls through, she is going to get a new realtor to list the house higher etc. She said she is worried about the buyers coming back with a lot of things after the inspection. I told her we'll have the same issues no matter who the buyer is - to assume that the buyer is dumb is a bad way to sell a house.

It's pretty obvious she's really sweating about being homeless in three weeks.

Let her sweat. And let the OM deal with this now...she is going to be his burden. (Or is it the reverse? )

Too bad you didn't know in advance just which part of the horse you were getting!

tl

Waywards are SOOOOOO pleasant to talk to! After two false PFA's as well as all sorts of wild accusations, every conversation I have with WW is recorded.

So, I text her this morning that I filed my taxes married, filing separately. I claimed the kids as well deducted the mortgage interest. We had originally agreed to file jointly so we can deduct the business losses off of my i)ncome. Last week I had requested all details from her business activities since the separation date in August. She did not want me poking around her busines (even though we are filing jointly) plus I had told her we need to 1099B the OM for his barter income. Keep in mind I have the following documentation of her barter agreement:

- multiple emails from her in September describing this

- sworn testimony by OM as well as WW during PFA trial in November that they had a barter agreement.

She leaves me a voice mail the telling me to file separately because she does not want to give up any details of her business. So, I called her bluff and went ahead and filed my taxes! It makes no difference to her if I declared the kids and the mortgage - her 5K in earnings from her job coupled with her business losses means she would have gotten back all of her paid taxes anyways.

She calls this afternoon to talk about DD3 speech. Predictably, she starts going into how she has nothing now, calls me every name in the book, and spews some OUTSTANDING fog babble:

" You haven't loved me for years!"

"Just so you know, it's legal for us to get married in all 50 states!"


Since I'm recording, I keep my cool, don't call her any names, then tell her at the end of the conversation how it was very inappropriate of her to call me those names with the kids in the back seat. Of course, she denied it all.

Yeah, you haven't loved her for years.

You're also the King of Evil (move over Ganondorf!).

You also breathe fire and will be the reason OM dumps her, which I am sure she will throw at you.

"You made OM leave! We were HAPPY until you made him go!"

(She will fail to notice the correlation between the lack of money and OM's departure)

I am no accountant but I would have filed jointly using her as a dependent also and forced her to amend the taxes later still under joint. That way you also benefit from the losses. Just a thought.