I LOVE the way everyone is helping you strategize. I know it's not quite MB policy, but I think us BSs need to "mix it up" once in a while and not be so predictable. Maybe that's the difference between us and the OP that gives us the disadvantage at times.

BSs here on the forum, trying to save their Ms, are good people who follow the rules, thinking of their family first, steady, dependable, etc. OP is a rebel and rule breaker, spontaneous, thinking only of the "now" and getting what they want at any cost.

Hey there HH,
Well I do love the MB's principles and program and still feel like I am still abiding in the program.

What needs to change in H's mind is the way he views ME. I am not sure everyone has this problem but my personality is intensely loyal and I fight to the death over keep relationships, friendships included. My H's(since he is my 8th grade BF) knows this about me, he can bet my loyalty on a lottery ticket that's how well he knows this. He literally knows I will be loyal to him almost forever and that I would almost wait until he's done having his fun. Well this needs to change.

He told DD17 that I live and breathe because of him. He needs to see that there is air and life outside of Mr. T2L and that I can breath it and live it too and that maybe there is a possibility that T2L could decide she no longer wants to wait around and that possibly he may have to face a life without me. Unless he sees me this way, I truly think we will out wait one another ending in a stalemate. I have to stay in the PB because he must learn to respect me and learn that we are equals and that this is a partnership. He has never learned that view of me because to him its just T2L, my 8th grade girlfriend. He never learned respect for me as a woman.

I am keeping this all pretty clean. I have had calls from a few of you and you are my friends so when I am question if I am questioned I am not lying. I told DS10 today that I am going to lunch with a friend. I am going to a girlfriends house, her H and 4 children will be there. She is from my church and she wants to make it a fun day and we will be eating lunch at some point LOL so no lie there. When Pep calls it will be a friend and because we know what we are doing we will be laughing hysterically because it is funny. This can look innocent or not. But it's all clean. Can't get the pay per minute phone til next week but its a done deal.

Gosh -- I need to do the same thing. We've been together since age 15 and he knows that I'm loyal, faithful, willing to fix things, etc. And he has lost respect for me evident by his willingness to end our M and leave his kids for someone else.

I, too, need to move on -- or at least look like I am. And now the D is starting, I need to get going on it fast.

Tomorrow I'm going to a big Superbowl party. I missed it last year because on Superbowl Sunday last year, WH moved out for a month to start a new life with OW. I was a wreck that day.

This year I will be at the party with head held high, chest out...wearing my big girl panties!!! Hummm...maybe I need to go shopping today for a killer outfit.

Good for you! Go to that party and yeah go grab a new top or something. Hang up new pictures of the new you and take some local day trips with you and kids and take lots of pictures and frame them up.

I read Divorce Remedy before i found MB and what I took from that book, was 2 principles. GAL and 180.. GAL is Getting a Life, so I signed up for salsa lessons. I have neglected them a bit during holidays due to finances but I am going to start back hopefully in February. So go find something really unexpected and fun that you have always wanted to try, be creative. Dance is wonderful for confidence and to help cheer you. Salsa may seem kinda risky but its not. Its a party of the ballroom family and its really an art. I have gone dancing a few times and its very clean, you don't get hit on too much because its ALL about the dancing.

And then I did 180's in areas where H may have complained. For me the 180 was in SF department. I never denied SF to H but I never initiated so during PA I learned a lap dance and preformed it for him, and he loved it and it was such an area of growth for me. Because of my horrid childhood, a victim of molestation, I had an inappropriate view in this area. I did not have the freedom that I should have had. I never denied my H SF because I knew, but def things could have been better.

So anyways, go GAL and 180. Take a dance class, join a gym something just for you. It's great for WS's to see you doing things totally unexpected and still living. IT drove my H crazy that I took salsa lessons. HE would occasionally mock it to the kdis and say its for gay people. He admitted to DD17 2 weeks ago at there lunch date that he never went dancing, he lied, he did it to make me jealous! JERK! LOL Funny thing is I didn't lie, i really took lessons and FORCED FORCED FORCED myself to go to a place and try out my new skills. It was scary for me, I was little insecure, and worried about dancing with another man as I never had. But it again was growth for me. It was harmless and I was proud of myself. I can't say I was totally having the best time of my life because I was still hurting over my H(still am) but sometimes you have to do it while you hurt.



Sorry for if that was too much TMI, most people who have been following from the start know that my H cheated on the OW 3-4 times a week during PA and all the things I did.

So tell me what are you going to look into next week for you?

Sorry rambling. K off to the shower gotta get outta here in a bit Im sure he'll be here soon and I need to be gone. Ihave my cell y'all who ever wants to call and might check forum at friends house.

Thats because you talk funny dear

Actually I have to confess, I am hearing impaired. Not deaf, I just don't process sounds the same way as most people and my brain has a tendancy to not let me hear the full range of tones.

Or as my audiologist says.."I am not deaf, I am just ignorant"

OK - ready!

I haven't been keeping up with your story T2L..but I will share what happened with US..hope it helps...

My H thought I would be sitting there in our "dream house" waiting for him while he was out playing with the OW..wanted to see if it would/could work out with HER..said stuff to me like.."You've got to let me try this"..wanting to keep his hooks in me with my permission...YUCK...

I didn't warn him but, as soon as we signed the LSA, I knew I was not planning to stay in THAT HOUSE...YUCK..so I put it up FOR SALE..took forever and all kinds of tricks to try to get him to sign to allow me to put the house up for sale..and to get around him seeing me during this time since I was in PLAN B..

Finally got the house up for sale and it sold on the FIRST DAY...He did a DRIVEBY and saw the SOLD sign and called me almost immediately..caught me by playing some trick with the phone, calling over and over with UNKNOWN CALLER so that I would answer...it was the first indication that he wanted to reconcile after 3 months of PLAN B..He said: "What about US ?". I said: "There is NO US"..CLICK and immediately got an appt. with Steve the NEXT DAY.

Steve said to provide a ROAD MAP home or something like that BUT he wanted my communications with my H to be BRIEF. I was supposed to wait for HIS CALL and when he called I was supposed to repeat over and over.."GET RID OF THE OW and then we can TALK"..I had used the analogy with my H "following the breadcrumbs home" sometime along the way..maybe in the PLAN B LETTER and my H GOT THAT...so I kept on with that analogy in my BRIEF CONVERSATIONS with him.."you know the way HOME, GET RID OF THE OW"...

My H THEN started intervening in the house that I was attempting to buy on my own..got in touch with my realtor and she let him see the houses..he didn't like any of them...maybe too much information for you now..but he ended up finding a house that WE BOTH could live in...BABY STEPS..then gave me more money for the downpayment..another step...until finally HE was moving in, TOO on a certain date with the NC LETTER in hand...He had never moved out..I moved his clothes to the NEW HOUSE with me..but he was still with her when I moved...

We've been living HERE for 5 years...

Five months after d-day, my husband admitted he had signed up to do a New Years Eve duty for a charity phone-line (verifiable - I called the charity number to hear his voice, and then hung up). Both our children would be out at parties, so I'd be on my own at home.

I immediately went out and bought myself a single ticket to a party at a local pub. The theme was School Days, so I bought a tight shirt and a little tie. I looked hot, though I say it myself.

Going to the venue on my own was not easy, but I did it. H was stunned, because it was so out of character. It was well worth moving out of my comfort zone for my own self-esteem and showing us both what I was capable of.

It's times like this that you can step out of the box you've always been in.

TA

I'll let T2L tell what happened -

PEP!!!!


The suspense will kill me!!!

T2L, I can't wait to hear from you, sista!

Someone call 911 - SMB is gonna implode :MrEEk:

If T2L is the honey - guess who the bear is?

I'm not in a patient mood tonight, T2L. You better get here soon.

Okay LOL, here's how it went!!! Get ready to LOL!

So HE wasn't supposed to get here until 4 he called early as I thought and asked if he could come at 2:30. I told DS10 that's fine I have a lunch to go to. I already expected this so I had changed packed truck with my dress and heels.

So I left as he was on his way here. So i stay at my girl friends for about 2 1/2 hours giving her little girls mani and pedi's. I got dressed in the great dress and gold jacket and white heels. I pull up and text Pep Im home.

I walk in and he's has already fixed the sink and went to work on the pool. I walk out to my son and them to see what they are doing, also so he can get a lovely Birdseye view of his lovely smoking HOT wife. He peeks around the wall from the pool equipment and he literally flinches and his eyes get big as if he is totally not expecting me to look that way.

HE is on his knees working and He says wow you look really nice, that's a nice dress and I smile and say thanks, how are you. He' says good. He then says he fixed the sink and has cleaned out my jacuzzi and I can probably use it tonight if I want to. I respond ah no thanks, but thanks for fixing it. He then says are you leaving or just getting back and I say I just got here and he says oh where did you go and I say lunch and I smile and he says oh.

He then gets up and GRABS me and side hugs me and totally catches me off guard(especially since he told DD17 several weeks ago that I begged for all the hugs LOLOLOLOL). So anyways I kinda try to get out of this side hug but he has death grip on me. Finally he lets go and he says its really good to see you. I say well its kinda hard for me to see you and H says well its never hard for me to see you. I smile and kinda chuckle and say really even from the controlling wicked witch of the west and I laugh and he say no and he chuckles. I say well thanks for fixing everything and I walk away and just before I get in the door I say just let yourself out when you are done.

Well that was at 5:30 it is not 7PM and he has decided to go through ALL the boxes in my garage to see what he can get rid of and sell on ebay. Yes folks he's in the garage again LMAO!!!!!! He just sent son in with all the family VHS tapes to give to me and he says dad says to get these transferred to disc. Our wedding video is in some of that stuff too. Wonder how long it will take that to come in. LOL Guess I'll be updating you when he leaves. I have been in my room since 5:45. DD17 went to grab pizza. I guess they all planned dinner(geez)LOL.

Sad part...DS10 comes in about 30 minutes ago and say mom can dad just come in the house and I say no son and he says why and I say son why do you think? I say daddy cannot until the Sea Hag is gone. So his lil eyes well up with tears and I say go have fun with dad. DS10 comes back 20 minutes later and begs me and i say son no I cannot I will not share dad. Instead of begging me you are asking the wrong person. You should be asking him why he won't leave her to stay with you. Sorry son its not my choice.

Anyways yup H is in my garage going through everything...or at least that's his excuse for staying. Back in a bit.....

Sounds like you are doing a FANTASTIC JOB!


tst and I were thinking the same thing. Here it is....


Change into another smokin' outfit, tell husband you have some plans for the evening, ask him if he can take the kids out for dinner.

Then YOU stay out late.

Maybe go to the church (gotta key?), go see a movie, call up a friend.


Stay strong T2L. Do not let him back in without ACTIONS. When tst came over the first time telling me all I wanted to hear....well, it'll get to you, yanno. Stay strong. Wait for God to FINISH the job before you let him back into your heart.

Remember, protect your heart.

Ok so Im still in my room. DD17 brings back the pizza. DS10 is begging me to come out of my room to come eat with them, I say i'll be out in a minute.

I went out a few minutes later and H is sitting and eating with them! Kids invited him to eat with them. Man this is hilarious cuz I know i said let yourself out when your done. Oh wait but there's a some organzin ta do in dat der garage. I make some small talk, grab a slice and wander off to my room.


Back later.....

Yeah I hadn't thought of that. I just posted again. Im sure there is a friend I could go to. But can't have him take them to dinner cuz they are eating in my living room now!

No i read Carols' thread and she made her H wait and prove more for almost 2 additional months. Not gonna cave on my conditions. Either meet em or stay gone.

Ok change to something else fabolous and say you are going out for a "drink"...then head for the coffee stand!

Having fun reading this. Have to live through someone elses excitement! lol

Kinda worried if I go out again if it may be trying to hard? When I came home it looked like I was definitely out.

I don't want it to seem overly planned .....

then I think you better start putting furniture up against the door! Seems he will have alternative plans.

Shall I ring?