Hello Everyone. I stumbled across this website searching for advise to save a marriage that is slowly slipping through my fingers. I'm reaching the end of my rope and I'm not sure how much more I can endure.... but let me start from the beginning.... and bear with me, please.
Nearly two years ago, I met my husband on an online dating site. We IM'd for awhile, then talked on the phone for awhile, and eventually went on a date to meet. Long story short, just shy of six months later we got married and I had just turned 19. Now its been 14 months later and everything has changed. I probably should add that my husband, when I met him, was here illegally from Germany, but since then we have worked together and he is here legally now.
The problem started when he received his greencard in the mail this past August. Now I don't even now this man. He treats me so differently now. Most days, I feel like an object to him, or I'm just around for his convenience, whenever he has time. I've tried talking to family and all they tell me is that he is going through a lot with working his two jobs and to just be patient and leave him alone, but inside I feel so heartbroken. I feel like I have a roommate, not a husband. Somedays I feel like I am taking care of a child, not a life partner. When I try to tell him how I feel, he blames me and uses it against me. For the past couple months, the stress from all of the changes has brought me to become depressed ( which I am seeking professional help for). I have lost motivation for the things that I used to enjoy and now I spend all of my time sleeping, sonetimes for 14+ hours at a time. Somedays I don't eat, and then others I overeat. I just don't know if maybe I am the problem, or if I have become too dependent on him and cannot cope with the separation. When I come to him, sometimes in hysterical tears, he just looks at me and tells me things such as "I didn't marry a wife who just cries all the time" and just walks away. I don't know what to do, but if I hear from him just one more time that "hes not holding me back from leaving and theres the door, go find your happiness somewhere else" I'm just afraid I might just do it. Some have told me that I married a "mail-order" husband.... is this so? Am I the problem?

I've suggested counseling for the both of us but he declined. Any advise would be most appreciated. I need to save my marriage...

Hi CB2M, so sorry to hear your pain. I used to live in Berlin and noticed a few things going on. Is your husband German or from the Middle East?

He is Persian, so born in Iran, but grew up in Germany.

comeback2me, please take this in the best light possible, but RUN! AWAY! As fast as you can!

Please listen to me. I'm over twice as old as you and I can't tell you how many couples I've seen in your situation, and you are sitting on a ticking bomb. No, I don't know your husband or you. But I know ALL the red flags in your post, and you are literally in for a lifetime of misery with this man. Please trust me.

Move out and file for divorce.

comebacktome,

I'm 3 times older than you, and for different reasons I urge you the same thing as catperson.

leave this man. Do not let him get you pregnant.

I've posted here for years and your situation leaps off the screen to me. You do not have a marriage. You have a very dangerous situation.

"But I love him" is one of the stupidest things a woman can say to rationalize why she is with a man like the one you married and staying. Even if you do not literally die as a result of his actions, your life will be over. This is not a romantic situation. It's a lifelong prison sentence.

CB2M, after living in Berlin I'm convinced there is some weird thing that is going on with these Muslim man/Western woman relationships (I'm assuming he's Muslim?). At first I was convinced it was Muslim terrorists getting access to US citizenship so they could come over, dump their wives and get set up in a cell. But that seems a little too conspiracy theorist!

I have never seen one of these relationships work out--the guy always seems to turn very nasty and disapproving. My advice would be to get somewhere safe, file for divorce and turn him into the Immigration Department for possible fraud--(marrying you in order to trick you into bringing him here). You have my sympathy for your horrible situation.