This is my story!

I had the most beautiful and amazing relationship I ever had in my entire life! I never fall in love like this in my whole life! and because of my experiences in the past 4 years, I become a very private and shield person and didn’t let anyone to get close to my heart for 2 reasons, One because I didn’t want to feel abuse and the 2nd because I didn’t want to tell anything about my past, and if I tell anyone about my past I thought they will not accept me. I never had an affair before, Always been loyal and faithful! The big thing in my life and when I become private and start lying when "I lost my kids in court" with a unfaithful ex wife!...I lie since that date, all the time about my life, about what happened! just for the past 4 years. I find out myself that I was wrong!

The relationship with my significant other started in an amazing way, she is so beautiful and Intelligent woman with great qualities, we bond so fast since the beginning, She was able to open herself to me and told me everything about her past, Me I couldn’t do it yet! (Just told her few pieces), our relationship continue growing, and the bond and the love from each other continue to growth in a solid way, we seeing each other pretty much every day, brought her flowers every week, having fun with her and her 8 yr old daughter, bonding as a family, while the relationship was growing and continue in the right path, I gave her all my attention, and help her in anything that I can. And I completely fall in love with her (I never love anyone like this), and also knowing that she trust me, had two more opportunities to tell her about my past and I told her almost everything! And felt so much relief! Nothing happens! She completely accepted me with my bad decisions and mistakes I made in the past.

Then I rented my house and move in with her and her daughter that was an amazing experience, we live like a family and act as a family too. Always I helped her around the house, cleaning, doing laundry, fixing things, buying groceries, and paying rent…etc. anything that would make her happy I always do it. Because I know I ‘am deeply in love with her. Also we had plans to go to Vegas for Valentines to formalize our engagement, last December I went to a jewelry designer to have made her ring, so I can give it to her at some special moment on Valentines weekend. Also this June our plan was to buy our first home together.

Well, 2 horrible things happened and I violated the trust that she had on me. Is Completely my fault and I take complete responsibility! More than a year, before I met my significant other, I met a woman, saw her 2-3 times, she lives in Chicago, I live in Dallas and she said when she met me, that she would like to be with me, (she is a married person), told her that she needs to stayed with her ex, she harassed me for a least 3 or 4 months sent me emails, never respond to them, well last year she email me again, and I respond just a hi, then I asked her if her father still selling some properties, then just like that she told me that she loves me, believe me, I continue her game, We spoke 2 times, I never exchange emails with her, she told me that she will come to Texas to visit her father, and she would like to see me, I told her oh ok, I knew inside of myself that I will not do that, I will not see her, because I didn’t want to, because of my love and loyalty to my significant other. I was playing! Sorry shame on me. The second thing happened the same day when my significant other found an email for a person that I met a year and half ago! Saw her 2 times in my life! Before I got into my relationship! This woman said in her email wants me and wants to marry me and who knows what, I play the game with her one time and never do it again.

I told my significant other to call the first woman (the one in Chicago) and asked her when the last time she saw me was? And I’m sure she told her the same thing over a year before I got together with my significant other. Everything after that 2 times, it was really a game, Shame on me! I was so stupid!
For the second woman, I sent her an email to don’t bother me again and I blocked her email address and never heard from her again. Well those two things happened the same day January 14-2009.

My significant other broke up with me, she asked me to leave the house, I picked up few things and leave, Now I’m living in a hotel, and of course I become very emotional, acting very desperate, I beg her so many times for a second chance, email her, text messages, calling her, you named it.. everything! I apologize and told her sorry so many times! She told me that she don’t want me in her world anymore. At that time I didn’t understand what I did, I become after few days later rational and I see what I did to her and our relationship! I destroy the trust that she had on me one time. Because of my stupid games and bad behavior! Now I am here and she is there, both not longer together! I know was never physical affair, was a game, but yes was an emotional affair, can be seen it by her and for others as an emotional affair! I know today how much damage I created, I completely regretted!

Of course, I can’t stop thinking of her, because I love her so much! I continue asking myself if she loves me? Does she is thinking of me? If she miss me? Everyday at all times! I went for help and some guidance to the pastor of my church; I’m in this board because I was recommended by someone who is very familiar with this forum.

I don’t beg her, call her, right know, I’m giving her some space, and I’m asking myself questions? Where do I go from here? How can I rebuild the trust that I had before, and make it stronger? Should I call her? Should I email her or txt? Should I wait for her to call me? Does she still angry? How does she feel? How long is going to be before she call me and tell me that she miss me? I have fears that she will not comeback! I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, and I can’t focus! Looking and waiting in front of my cell phone for her call! What is the process that she is living right now? Valentines is around the corner, we supposed to be engage on valentines, what should I do, send flowers? Call her? That I have to apologize again? I am completely afraid! I am so sorry for what I did to her and our relationship! WHAT DO I NEED TO DO IN ORDER FOR SHE TO GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE AND REBUILD THE TRUST THAT I BROKE?

Text her tell her you understand why she doesn't want to speak to you or see you. Then you get to sit around and wait. The ball is in her court. You can update her in regards to going to IC. But don't burden her. She needs time to think. Take your emotion down a notch with her. Right now forget her trusting you. Don't even bring it up. Your subject heading should be how do I ask her to forgive me? That would have to come before trusting you.

Did you have sex with these women? You didn't mention it. If you didn't sleep with them. Tell her that you will be going to counseling and wonder if she would consider going with you?

If you like help writing a mia culpa. I would be happy to give you some ideas.

No Didnt have sex with them since Im in my relationship! I met them 1 1/5 yrs before I had sex with them once...long time ago. I meet my significant other! saw each one 2 or 3 times thats it, I dont really know them!

I would love for you to help me and give me some ideas!

First thing I have to tell you is that I have been subject to a similar situation. My H has had cybersex, and emotional affairs and sexual affairs. I have not cheated on him however.

With that being said...I can offer some advice since you are actually reaching out.

When someone is betrayed, they hurt and find it hard to trust again. I would suggest counseling first, and you should be the one to initiate it. Don't call and bug the crap out of her. Try sending a nice card and write your feelings in it. Send her flowers to work....TRY!!!! If you love her and really want forgiveness you have to prove yourself to her all over again.

It won't happen overnight....she might go back and forth with emotions and love you one minute and hate you the next. But you have to start somewhere. Sitting in a hotel or going out and cheating on her is not going to solve anything. It might put more on your concess that you have to live with.

We did the counseling thing...he started going to prove to me that he wants to make our marriage work. Well, that lasted for about 1 month....then he stopped going. He did not prove to me that he wants our marriage to work. He bought one card to say something nice. Not a Big deal to me after what he has put me through!

We have a 5 year old son...

You need to start with yourself and figure out why you are the way you are. You are a product of your own environment! Think about that....please.

Don't give up on your relationship if you really truly love her. Show her that you are willing to make changes, go to counseling, get help and prove to her your love.

Hope you get the help you need.

Try putting yourself in her situation as well. Trust is earned...and it takes time to build trust.

I could go on for hours on how he made me feel with each affair....sexual or not....it still hurts!

Also, keep in mind....she has an 8 year old daughter that will feel some of the emotional pain that is being spread around.

Good Luck!

You will have to ask her to meet you for lunch. Tell her you will not make any demands on her but you would like to speak to her.

I suggest that you write out what you want to say. You may start with this. First I want to say that I do love you very much. And that I would like to read this to you. Please let me finish before you comment. Then I will answer any and all questions you have.

I know that I betrayed our love and though there was no physical contact I understand and take full responsibility for communicating with these women. You have absolutely no fault in any of this. All I can do is to ask your forgiveness and let you know that I am willing to do anything I can to redeem myself in your eyes. These are the steps I have taken. I am going to go to individual counseling to try to find what there is in me that was lacking that allowed me to do this to us. If there is any possibility of working through this with you, I am willing to go to couples counseling or any type of mediation with you. You did not deserve this and you are entitled to deal with the situation and me in any way you see fit. I do love you with all my heart and hope that you can forgive me. I would consider myself truly blessed if you would, but the decision is your. If you have any questions, I will answer any and all of them if it will help you process what I have done.

Thank you so much for your advice!

Please don't leave me alone!

I am already in Counseling, have 2 weeks since I reach for professional help!

I went today to the flower shop! and she is going to receive on monday at her work, 2 dozens of roses (Orange! Those are her favorites)I include a little handwriting card! that just say:
Her name, then "I Really Miss You" then signed my name!

What do you thing is going to happen when she receive the flowers?

Thanks!

Your letter is so wonderful!

I am going to work in that!

Please give me more advice!

Thanks!

Call the flower shop and talk to whoever will deliver the flowers. Get his/her cell phone number. Make sure he delivers them to her personally. Tell him to look at her and to make a judgment of how she receives them (Does she accept, did she chuck them in the trash, Did she look happy or mad) and tell him to listen up, but not to say anything, Tell him there is an extra $20.00 in it if he calls and lets you know what happened.

Great IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much!

Does the message that I wrote is right?

What does that message would really means for her?

"I really miss you"

That's fine. The more important thing is what the delivery boy says. He needs to listen up. If she says anything. But don't be to emotional with the guy. He'll think you're a stalker. Hopefully she is in an open area with friends around her so that she may say something out loud to them. Lets pray she smiles.

Her mother talk to me tonight! She is very supportive with me, because she loves me and she knows that the love that I have for her daughter is a real love. Her mother also asked me to leave the hotel and go and stay at her house. She also told me that my SO is not angry anymore, but she is depress and she just want to go sleep at all times! what it that means? does she is going to start thinking about our relationship? does she miss me? what is the process that she is living? I hope that the flowers on monday will make her feel better!

What should I do after she receives the flowers? be quiet and wait for she to contact me? what should I do next?

Thanks!

Wow the mom is on the side of your relationship. That's great! Its time for the call to go to lunch or meet at your home. Regarding her depression, it is understandable, and that is what happens when you are depressed. She may be depressed about you not contacting her. She could be in the same position, of wanting to give you space (wouldn't that be a kick, both of you wanting to be together, but not, because you think the other one needs space). My wife suffered with severe depression for the first ten years of our marriage (and no it wasn't because she married me,LOL). At these time she liked nothing better then for me to lie down with her and spoon her. If the depression continues she may need short term meds. But wait awhile to see if the depression recedes. Yes if her mom is right (and she probably is) its time for the letter. I expect there will be a lot of tears on both sides. But in truth, your relationship could actually be deeper and better because of this. Why? Because how much you hurt (both of you), will show how deep the love is that can forgive and overcome this.

Yeah!! I am ready to call her! but I am going to wait until tomorrow! after she receives the flowers! with my handwrithing message that says "I Really Miss you! Probably she will call me first! Not sure!

Can you explain me whats is going on here. read below! I reply to her mother a email! Below are just a couple paragraphs of that letter: (The names are not the real names)


-----------------------------------------------------------------
Believe me Mom, I been praying every day, day and night to GOD! I have faith and I know that everything will be okay.

Yes! I am happy that Olivia(Olivia is her daughter, 8 yrs old) got an email account now! I was so excited to hear that! New things for Olivia to learn, Simply, Elizabeth is a wonderful and loving mother, One day I will get an email from Olivia.


Thanks for your compliments about me and Elizabeth, I completely agreed with you in Elizabeth, she is the most wonderful woman I ever met! She has the best qualities that not all woman can have, Intelligent, balanced, openness, sense of humor, wow! I can say so many others, and she is the most beautiful and sexy woman in the entire world.
-----------------------------------------------------------------


Well My SO has my passwords from my 2 emails accounts, I emailed her the passwords 3 weeks ago, so we can see that Im not doing anything and that she can trust me.

Well...about 2 hours ago, I received and email from Olivia her daughter!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Her email reads:

my mom said you like cookies. would you like to order some?

I miss you,
olivia
-------------------------------------------------------------

Im pretty sure this is no coincidence! MY SO read my email!

Why does she told her daughter to send me an email? just to sell me cookies? 2 weeks ago she told me that she want me out of her entire world!

What do you think?


Thanks!

She wouldn't have mentioned that little factoid to her if she did not want her contacting you. If you have money by a bunch of boxes. You can freeze them. People say things in the heat of the moment that they don't mean. I have been married 29 years. My wife was complaining about me being obsessive (I can be but has been as much a plus as a negative. I have had 3 businesses and she has not had to work a career all our marriage. Well our kids are grown. And she was mad at me. So she she just angrily said. "Never mind, You've been that way our whole married life". And I told her "Hey its not a prison sentence, we don't have to stay married." She shut up big time and then said she was sorry later, and asked me to forgive her. And I was the one who talked about breaking up).

When you do talk to her. Be sure to say that "You and Olivia are my world and I know that I betrayed you both. I would like nothing more then to be the man in your lives, to love, provide and care for you two all my days. That you are my family, and your good opinion of me, means everything to me. My life just won't work without you. The last two weeks have been hell for me. And I know that I deserve what I have gone through. You and Olivia did not. You are innocent in this. I need to let you know that I love you both and I know that I can be the man that you deserve, if you can forgive me".

Or words to that effect.

WOW!!!! I LOVE ALL YOUR WORDS!!! Thank you so much! I will!

Guess what I know that tomorrow is going to receive the flowers! she text me tonight: her text says:

Just want to let you know that I miss you and hope you are in good spirit. Got a book at church today that is helping me a lot, it's called The power of hope. Also got u a new microwave, long story.

End of message!

What do you think? tell me please?

I answered her text like this: Just got back back from my meeting! Its official I have an sponsor!!! I love the word Hope!
Microwave?

End of my text

When I move in withe her I brought my microwave, I guess she is referring like that instead of our microwave or the microwave...right?End of my text.


I didint tell her I miss you too or something similar, because tomorrow the note of my flowers says: I Really Miss You!

Did I answer right?

I guess she is missing me? share your thoughts! Please!!!

All of that is very encouraging. Text her and tell her that you need to see her tomorrow. Do not wait until the flowers. Text her and ask if you could come by and see the microwave tomorrow after work. Let her get the flowers. It will put her in a more receptive mood. Then when you see her. Tell her that you want to read her something. Then bring out the letter and read it to her. Of course hopefully Olivia can be occupied somewhere else. It is important that you let her digest what you have written. And tell her that you will give her all the time she needs. Tell her if she wants to start completely over in your relationship by dating, that you would be happy to do so if she feels it necessary. Let me know how it goes.

Another thing to think about that is very positive. First the mom e-mails you to test the water (sticks her toe in). Then Olivia e-mails you (stick the other foot in). Then Elizabeth texts you. I think all this was done to see how you would receive her. She may be thinking she was to hard on you. After she investigated the whole situation. One final proof for her. If you are being completely truthful and have nothing to hide. Tell her you will take a polygraph if she likes. Because if that will help her regain her trust in you, that you would be happy to do it. Hey let me know how things go and don't leave me hanging. LOL

I just got another text from her, says:

Iwatched the sunrise from the back steps this morning; same place where I sat one Sunday morning right after we met - filled with hope abt meeting you. Our relationdship is different now but today I still feel there's hope somewhere for us.

End of text

What do you think?