My husband's A was finally brought into the light under some really traumatic circumstances. Before that though he had told me that it was only an EA and lied about every detail that he ever told me and every question that I ever asked. As we were in marriage couceling at the time with our pastor and his wife we did discuss these first revelations.
They told him that he did not think he was telling the truth and that he was not being transparent. Long story short, I, at the advice of our pastors, did not push things further with my husband. In a way I insticnctively wanted to launch into plan A but was told that it would only make things worse. So here I am wishing that I had maybe listened to my gut more, even though I never thought in a million years that the A was as incidious as it was. I thought the A was over but it went on for several more months. When everything was brought out it was really really bad and I know it sounds dramatic but was way more traumatic then it ever should have or needed to be.

I think when someone goes through this and has no idea how to dela with it you tend to listen more to the opinions of those around you because you feel so blown away. I'm just really angry that I didn't do things differently. I want to know if anyone else went through this specifically and if they had a harder time trusting thier gut afterwards.

I think MOST, not all, ministers are not competent counselors.....bear in mind that I am a Christian and, of the 3 ministers we have on staff, only 1 is a qualified counselor - even has a PhD

Another one could provide some valuable information from his personal experience with how devastating an affair, of any type, can be. He and his wife are years into recovery and are dearly loved. As a congregation, we knew about this when he was offered employment. He disclosed to us during one of his sermons in the hiring process.

I think something that really chaps my hide is that not only did they really think that the A was much more then I ever did they also felt strongly that it was still going on. It just irks me.