History:

Suspected WW of having an affair with co-worker in June 2002. WW denied everything...said it was just a friendship. D-Day was July 11, 2002. Used MB to "win" my wife back. WW stopped seeing OM in October. Used MB concepts ever since (just me...WW wanted nothing to do with MB concepts)

"Spot Checked" wife's work email and found email from someone she met while on vacation with sister-in-law. Suspected Aug 2004. WW denied anything happened. Found out the truth Dec 2004 because I posed as her when emailing OM. WW told me part of the truth. Finally found out the whole truth in June 2005.

In June 2007, I had a gut feeling something was wrong. Hid a recorder in the house. Found out WW wasn't where she said she was. She lied twice before admitting she has "lunch" with OM from 2002. Recording also revealed my best friend was "visiting" during my out-of-town business trips.

I kept telling myself it was best to stay in the marriage for my kids. After 15 months of "hating life", finally decided to file for divorce. Only because I filed, WW finally admitted she was seeing OM from 2002 for about 5 months. WW never admitted doing anything with my best friend except getting a back rub. Hogwash!!

It was really tough to file because I still really love my wife, and because of our children. She did not want me to file for divorce. She wanted us to work it out and promised to make all the changes I originally requested over 6 yrs ago. WW finally figured out I WAS meeting most of her EM's! I trusted my wife more than anyone could imagine (big mistake!) before any of this happened. I finally realized I would never be able to regain my trust in her again because of all the ongoing lies. If she would have been able to tell me the truth to begin with, I would have been able to forgive her and would have never filed for divorce...and I would have been able to regain the trust needed for a healthy marriage.

Yes, I feel guilty for not wanting to give her another chance, as I believe her intent on never doing that again was sincere. However, I finally feel "free" because I know I will never allow her to hurt me again.

I beg anyone who has gone through an affair to be 100% honest with your spouse. Yes, the affairs hurt, but the lies were the worst. Had my WW wife been honest, I would have never filed.

I will make sure that I continue to use the MB concepts in any of my relationships in the future....and yes, I finally feel "free".

Can we get a plaque made up with this on it or something?

It is something every WS needs to see and understand...

Maybe it would help if people understood why lying is wrong in general. Lying robs others of the valuable information they need to make good decisions regarding their life.

In the case of a spouse, lying is another way of saying really loud and clear "My life, my desires are so much more important than yours that not only am I willing to hurt you now, I'm willing to steal your time by keeping information from you."

I don't think any spouse would be happy to hear "Honey, I'm having an affair. I think I may like OP more than you. I'm not sure I can live without OP. Oh, and by the way, I have a date with OP for drinks after work--can you hold dinner for an hour?" On the other hand, you'd know what you were dealing with, and the pain would probably be so great that you'd kick your spouse to the curb in short order.

I'd love to have that plaque in my house. Seriously, I could get past the A but it was the lies that did me in. And because he was capable of lying so easily, it's not possible to trust him again ever.