This is unbelievable.

Now that I am single, I've been spending some of my alone time catching up with old friends and new ones alike. I added a couple of photos to Facebook and added some content and have had a great time catching up with friends!

Recently as a result of Facebook, I started chatting with a girl that I met in Australia over 10 years ago when I was a missionary there. At first I thought it was great to catch up on her life etc, but then she said that she always had feelings for me and never forgot about me and wishes we could be more than friends.

She is married with three kids. She gave me the whole WW script that she never loved her husband and that she only got with him because she got pregnant, etc. It was like deja vu of the things my WW was telling her OM, almost word for word.

Anyway, I was telling her everything I could to get her to give her husband another chance and trying to explain to her his needs and her needs, etc, basically i was trying to be Dr. Harley, but I realize that I as I was doing this stuff, I was unintentionally fulfilling her EN for conversation!!

Anyway, I decided to completely break it off with her but before I do, I want a little feedback or even a kick in the pants to do the right thing.

The only reason I haven't clicked send on the NC email is because this girl is going through some serious hard trials in her life--her brother in law just killed himself after leaving her house and she feels like she could have prevented it. Her husband sounds like an alcoholic, she has her other sister's 2 kids living at her house because of some issues, her car even broke down, etc. I just feel bad for her and feel like I'll be stabbing her with another dagger and add to her current misery.

She likes talking to me because I help her out and make her feel happy during these hard times. I wish I could be a platonic friend to her because she needs good friends, but since she has these feelings for me, I feel that I need to break it off. Also, since she lives on the other side of the world, I know that we don't have much of a chance of ever seeing each other in real life...

So, i know my thoughts weren't very organized here and I think I know what I must do, and I am perfectly able to do it but I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing by cutting it off. Sheesh, as I write this, I find myself wondering if I've already begun to experience the effects of the dreaded FOG!!

You have to do what is right erichh. Send the NC letter and get her out of your life completely.

Send her and her BH some books SAA and HNHN. Along with exposing her to her BH. Include NC letter.

"Now that I am single"

When did you get divorced?

You are not doing anything TO HER by cutting off contact...you are protecting your own boundaries.

The longer you put off ending contact w/ her, the more danger you are in.

You already care too much about her feelings/dependency for you.

You're playing w/ fire.

That's not how I meant it to read. I meant that I am living separated from WW. I am not looking for a date or for a girlfriend at this point.

WW filed for divorce but it has not been finalized yet. I don't feel like I'm in a hurry to move on to a new woman, but I do want to maintain friendships and possibly make new friends. I definitely don't want to start dating or anything like that until the divorce is finalized.

There do seem to be fog tendrils creeping in.

Go NC immediately, though I think it would be good to recommend Dr. H's books in your NC letter. Don't send her to MB, since you're already here.

You're toxic to her M, She's toxic to your brain and honor. Get rid of her asap.

Thanks everyone. That's all I needed. I sent the email of NC to her just now.

I just can't believe that happened.

But this short episode taught me how easy it could be to become the OM. I didn't have any intention of becoming a romantic interest to this woman. I just thought it was neat to find out how she was doing after all these years.

But the changes were coming subtly. I found myself trying to be a good friend by giving her support and she began to fall for me and I, being somewhat lonely and vulnerable enjoyed her compliments and attention, but the prospect of me becoming the OM to her marriage disgusted me and made me feel ill to my stomach.

I tried to encourage her to work it out with her husband but I could feel her getting closer to me even as I tried everything I could to teach her what I know about emotional needs and how love is choice and not just a feeling, etc, and how she and her husband could fall in love again if they met each other's needs...

EW!!!!! I am so glad I sent that email just now. I wish my wife's OM had sent her an email like I just did to this WW.

Erich, you are started down "fog road", my friend...No joke...Your post has "Here I go into the fog!" stamped all over it...You've got "knight in shining armor" syndrome...NC IMMEDIATELY...It's the ONLY way...

Mrs. W

Good for you Erich - Good Man!

Mrs. W

Good for you erichh. You have shown honor in recognising and dealing with this.

But here is something else, until you are ready to date and stuff if your D becomes final, you should not be contacting anyone of the oposite sex and talking to them. That was a boundary you messed up to begin with here.

You did great!
Did you copy her husband?

Or expose to her husband by sending him a couple of emails she sent you?

You would be doing them a favor by exposing to her H. Hopefully it will be the "wake up" call they need and they can start working on the marriage before they have to go through the misery of an affair. It would be a real gift (though it won't seem like that to them at first).

She is at the least exaggerating and probably outright lying to you. Just like your xw did to her OM.

Good for you. You did right.

Besides, what’s the point of an internet affair anyway? Huge waste of time if you ask me.

Your post is WAAAAAAAY foggy already, that is glaringly obvious.

You LIKED the way she made you feel; she was "admiring" you; you were able to play the "knight in shining armour"; her "marriage is bad" <i.e. classic re-write of history>; she is "depressed" <COMMON cry/whine from OW>...need I go on????

You need to firm up your boundaries, my friend. You shouldn't be contacting other women at all right now, especially if you are not <yet, or ever> divorced; and you should ESPECIALLY not be conversing with MARRIED WOMEN!!!

You know all of this by now from being here on MB...now get your boundaries tightened up dude.

Great! I agree you need to expose to OWH if there is any way possible.

Nice work sending the NC e-mail. My WW is four time zones away from her OM, but that didn't stop her from calling / texting and even a few e-mails here and there.

And she found a way to hook up with him in Vegas

Good work cutting that off TODAY! Don't be that OM

WOAH

I think the exposure gun is whipped around here WAY more than MarriageBuilders intends. It is to be done by the BETRAYED spouse only to BREAK UP an ongoing affair. These are a few internet chats from halfway around the world that, correct me if I'm wrong, ericchh instigated with contact. And ericch broke it off.

I think it is awfully presumptous to think exposure "does a favor" to a family half way around the world that we don't know the slightest thing about.

Exposing may cause instant divorce, breaking up a family with three kids. It may cause a murder or violence. Heck, it may quite possibly put ericch in physical danger. Maybe this Aussie is a madman who won't like some Yank chatting with his Sheila. Ask an insane betrayed spouse (me).

Don't play God with this family, ericch. Just move on and learn.

You did the right thing by breaking it off.

....unless she was hot.

I disagree, Mike. This woman is looking to hook up with someone...if not erichh, then she'll find someone else. Her husband deserves the chance to save his marriage BEFORE she actually gets into an affair (if she hasn't already been cheating).