Chrys,



"ethereally beautiful"

OK we need to break that down and look at it differently. The first thing we have to do is cross out the word beautiful. Nothing about wayward behavior is beautiful so strike that word.

The definition of ethereal is:

e·the·re·al (-thîr-l)
adj.
1. Characterized by lightness and insubstantiality; intangible.
2. Highly refined; delicate. See Synonyms at airy.
3.
a. Of the celestial spheres; heavenly.
b. Not of this world; spiritual.
4. Chemistry Of or relating to ether.

I crossed out the ones that don't fit wayward behavior. So the only one that fits is #4.

You said she wears scrubs, let me tell you if they are hospital issued scrubs they probably do stink. Any hospital I ever worked for the hospital issued scrubs were always stinky.

So by my definition she is NOT beautiful and she is stinky.

Sorry I know how immature this is, but I had to post it.

LC

He should be home by 7 PST. No call. Tomorrow I am meeting some old friends for lunch and then we have to go do nursing home rounds. He is taking me with him. Joy.

That's a funny perspective, LC, and I do appreciate the support.

Have you ever gone with him before?

LC

I spent the first 10 years of my marriage going on most of my husband's out of town sales calls with him. He considered it free vacations for me. I considered it torture to have to sit around in his customers' electronics stores (gag me) for hours at a time while he bs'd with the owners and salespeople. Got a lot of books read, but I basically had no life for 10 years (that's when D18 was born and I had an excuse not to go). Hope you don't get stuck in that.

My experience is different than Cat's. I LOVE going with my H on his work calls...riding with him in the car...I should have known our marriage was in trouble when he stopped wanting me to be with him..NOW that he's IN LOVE with me again..he loves having me with him..some of our best times NOW are spent riding around together in the car..choosing the MUSIC that we want to listen to...having DEEP CONVERSATIONS..getting to REALLY know each other..helping to make his WORK less TEDIOUS...I DRESS UP for the OCCASIONS...he LOVES being with ME and I with HIM...sounds like you had stopped being IN LOVE with your H, Cat...I LOVE BEING WITH MINE as much as possible...

I have gone with him before. It is his way of proving he is where he says he is and it has helped me with the trauma of his leaving the house to go on "errands" to go along on necessary ones. But it is several hours of reading in the car, and I had stopped going along the last few months. He asked me to come with him again.

Chrys,

Do you sit in the car waiting for him to see all his patients? If so, why not go in with him and make yourself known? I'm not suggesting you round with him, just go in say hi to the workers, then sit in the waiting room reading your book.

LC

I've LEARNED that this is a sign of LOVE..your H wanting you to BE with HIM...DUH..how come I just figured this out? We would have done it when we were courting, right? Why did we stop? Remember Harley's 15 hours????? Men want their LOVER to be a "shoulder to shoulder buddy"..from the wonderful, eye-opening book "LOVE AND RESPECT" by Eggerichs...

GREAT IDEA..if possible...

OR some other available room...

Listen to him while he talks to you in the car...my H points out different sites...and likes my FULL ATTENTION..look straight into his eyes..rub his leg now and then...kiss him when he gets out of the car and/or when he gets back in...say "I missed you" every now and then..tell him something about your book...CONNECT...talk about your hopes and dreams for the future..hopes and dreams for YOUR CHILDREN..only you and your H share the children...she HATES that...

"Usually?"

He has two different kinds of hospital requirements. The more time consuming one is at a different hospital.

Crys,
Flick told me that OW was beautiful 'too him even if others don't see it"

Funny, now he calls her ugly. Anyhoo, you know what I look like, I could email you a pic of OW. Wayward fog appears to give the fog-ees very generous glasses as far as the OP goes.

Mimi, I can see how you can enjoy such times. Mine weren't like that. With my H's outgoing nature, and my non-outgoing nature, the first 10 years of our marriage consisted of me listening to him talk, going where he wanted to go, doing what he wanted to do, helping him with everything he wanted to do, and him reveling in the fact that he had a witness to all his greatness and success. He loves me, but he really needs me to be all about him.

We have no deep conversations; we have him talking about his work. Period. We have never gotten to really know each other; well, I know all his thoughts, his feelings, his desires, his everything; I have spoken so little in the last 30 years that he wouldn't even be able to tell you 10 things about me. Not that I haven't tried to talk; but that when I do, his eyes glaze over because it doesn't interest him, and he interrupts me if I speak for more than a minute. (and yes, we've discussed this, and he tried to stop interrupting me but can't) And his business trips consist of me walking into the business with him and within one minute, he has met up with the owner and I'm left alone for anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 or 4 hours. I was too weak to tell him 'I'm going to go do something else.' I tried that at first, but if I'm not there waiting whenever he would get done (and we never knew when that would happen), he'd call and fuss at me for making him wait. He'd tell me how embarrassed he was that he had to wait around at his customer's place for me to show up. Or he'd throw a fit and leave the place and start walking! Never mind the hotel would be 25 miles away; he'd walk because he knew I would find him and pick him up and apologize for upsetting him, every time. So after a few times of trying that, I just quit, and would find a place to sit at his customers' places and just wait. I was raised to be a mouse, to never speak up and never ask for what I wanted, and marrying a strong person just solidified it.

The only thing that saved me was having D18, because then I had an excuse to stop going on his trips. So I wish I had your experiences, but I didn't. And it wasn't because I fell out of love with him.

He wasn't evidencing love for YOU. Right, Cat?

My H loves me, I have no doubt of that. But no, he wasn't aware of what he could have done to make me feel loved. His way was to buy me things. He came from such poverty that he dug in dumpsters for food for his brothers and sisters. So in his mind, all he had to do to show me love was buy me things. And I was in no condition to tell him otherwise.

And the other part of the equation was that I never said anything. Tons of dysfunction on both our parts. Sad it's taken me 30 years to learn what to do.

Unacceptable, hon.

Move, retire, pump gas, he can't be going to the OM's workplace EVER. His income is not a financial issue when weighed against a divorce.

Very funny. We should compare notes.

So far the precaution he has in place about when he goes to that hospital has been OK. He has been talking to me about EPs today and I suspect he will post his list on his thread later.

But yeah, I'd love to be far away from here if there was a way to do that without hurting DS14. He is a dual-diagnosis special needs kid and is in a special program that you would be very hard pressed to duplicate.

This issue is not resolved but we have others to get through.