Don't play God with this family, ericch. Just move on and learn.

You did the right thing by breaking it off.

....unless she was hot.


Oh my gosh. I just had diet coke spraying out my nose I was laughing so hard. Sorry for the visuals.

O crap that's soooo funny!!!

Erich,

Compare these two sig lines for a second....

You're calling yourself single because your wife filed for divorce that you claim to not want...

You found out October of 2008, she left in December of 2008 and this is February 1st 2009. You've been dealing with this for about 3 months.

MF's tag line shows a full year before her husband came back to her after SHE went to Plan B (which is not the same as when the WS moves out).

But you're thee months into this and getting wrapped up with someone through an online social network????

Remind me, what PLAN are you working right now?

Are you done fighting for your marriage?

I'm not asking if your wife is done with it, are YOU done fighting for your marriage? If so, Plan D full speed ahead. If not, pick a plan and work it...

You're only single when your marriage is done...

Mark

LOL, you foo.

You know, when I typed that I am single, I TOTALLY didn't even catch that I did that. I did use the term "single" incorrectly because I meant that I am separated. However, this may have been an unconscious slip because I do sometimes vacillate between thinking of myself as married and thinking of myself as single. This is not good. I think you all caught on to this and pointed it out when I was not wanting to face this.. But it needs to be faced.


I was just talking to my ecclesiastical leader about this today. I am having a very difficult time deciding whether I want to try to rebuild my marriage or end it and move on. Depending on what day you ask me, the answer is different. I have to decide.

In the meanwhile, I think you are right that I should set up some boundaries and not speak to any women (unless they are hot) until I figure out what I need to do so that my judgment is not clouded.

In the meanwhile, I think you are right that I should set up some boundaries and not speak to any women (unless they are hot) until I figure out what I need to do so that my judgment is not clouded.


Now you're talking. See how much easier it can be on your conscience when you set up clearly thought out and reasonable boundaries?

Yep.

What is right for saving and rebuilding your marriage will work against you in a divorce. What is in your best interest in pursuit of divorce is antithetical to trying to recover the broken relationship.

You need to know which way you are going in order to arrive at ANY destination on purpose. To not know where you WANT to go is to allow yourself to be tossed about by the waves until you land somewhere with no real idea how you got there.

I'm not saying you have to FEEL like one way or the other, just that you have to PICK one way or the other. Decide and DO instead of doing based on how you feel. Feelings are fickle. They change by the day, hour, minute, even second.

In order to win at either track you need to focus on that track. Act! Don't react!

Plan A requires focus.

Plan B requires focus.

Plan D requires focus.

Lack of focus leads to Plan C and Plan C is not a plan...

Mark

Exposure is not for just the BS.

I have read here for years. There have been countless BS's that said friends, family, co workers knew but never told me, I only wish that they had.

Semi-T/J:
Mark, 3 months is a relatively short amount of time, I agree. With emotions all over the place, though, how can a BS pick between R, Plan D/FU, etc.?
End T/J.

Agreed re: exposure. I confided in a close "friend" about my A, and she kept silent. We no longer have a family friendship with them, and my BH is appalled, shocked, devastated, angry - everything because this friend could have spoken with him and potentially stopped things before they got even worse.

I'll probably feel dumb when you answer this, but what does "T/J" stand for?

As far as exposing to her H, I don't have any contact info for him. She says that she was open to him about our talking since I live on the other side of the world but he may not know that she had "feelings" for me, etc. She did tell him that she wanted out of the marriage and told him to leave her. I freaked out when she told me this. This all happened in less than a week's time.

Obviously they were already having marriage problems, just like my marriage was having problems, but why would a woman so quickly "fall" for a guy she barely knows and throw her marriage away like that? It completely caught me off guard. It happened so quickly before I realized what was going on. Boundaries are going to be put in place now.

If I was a predator, knowing what I know now, I would prey upon unhappily married women because they seem so desperate for any kind of affection. Then I'd make a television show about it and call it "Desperate Housewives" and make millions.

Erichh, you pretty much described my WW's situation to a T. WW only knew OM a little over a week when she left. I have since learned OM preys on women in unhappy marriages and with low self esteem. He hits on everybody and really turns it up on the ones who prove to be receptive.

What a selfish ba$t@rd he is. What class. I felt sick to my stomach when I realized the role I was falling into with the girl in Australia. I think you'd have to be a real low-life to deliberately go about doing that.

I can see how they might justify it though. "These women aren't happy in their marriages anyway, so what does it matter?" This guy must also have low self-esteem if that is the only kind of woman he can get. Not much of a challenge, no offense to anyone here.

The real challenge is trying to keep your spouse satisfied and happy in a long-term marriage. That guy could never do that. He probably knows it and has given up and given in to the carnal mind. He'll be sorry eventually.

Anyway, keep up the good fight, Rusty!

For my OM it's all about sex. Some of the sick things I have heard from a couple of people has shown me the type of person he is.




I commend you for realising what was happening erichh and being too good of a man to let it continue. You realised there might be a problem and recognised yourself slipping into the fog and came back here for help and guidance.

I just got a response from the girl from Australia:

Hello [erichh],
Well i just read your email, I will respect your decision, i will not contact u again, but i just wanted to say, [BH] moved out on the weekend and he realises its over, whether you were in my life or not [BH] and i were never going to make it any further. I hope all works out for u and your son and u end up happy, you desevere it. Good luck with life.........[Hot Lonely Aussie WW]


Well, I don't know how to feel about this. I sure pray that my role didn't break the camel's back so to speak. I feel like crap.

I certainly am not going to take the bait and contact her again.

Why is it hard not to? I'm glad that you all are my cyber friends--where would I be without you all? Living in a van down by the river is where I'd be....

She's foggy foggy foggy and doesn't respect you or herself or her BH or her marriage enough to not contact you when you explicitly requested her not to. Don't get suckered into the knight in shining armor role - you contacting her is not, nor will be, "saving" her in any way, shape, or form. Right now you are working on yourself, being a good and even better person than before, and this thing with her is pure sabotage. It would drag you down to the level of her - and your WW. Is that the kind of person you want to be? No!

I'm no pro, but I would strongly push for letting her BH know. It may be the final nail in the coffin, or it may give him a reason/explanation - and, thus, something to fix, hope to fix it, etc.

Oh, and T/J = threadjack, as in hijacking the thread away from the original post/idea.

AMEN!


I have no earthly idea how to contact him. I might be able to look up their address, but now that he doesn't live there?!


Thanks for answering my question! Glad someone did! T/H (Thank you)

Well I think this woman is in a wayward mindset anyway. It will be someone soon. Her H deserves to protect himself against that.

Mike: ALL Aussies are crazy doncha know!

[Hot Lonely Aussie WW]

So she is hot?!

Don't respond brother. You know it's trouble, but I know how tempting it is.

I am in the same position with a couple of women and I have been able to hold off thus far by thinking of the consequences. It is not easy though is it?

erichh,

I say that she's unhappy and lonely and looking for affection from anywhere outside her marriage.

My ex finace does this every few months, and I get a call telling me about how she's "been thinking about me a lot".

But she doesn't get a whole lot of, "Gee, I've been doing the same. I sure miss how hot you were, etc."

She gets, "there's things you can do to improve your marriage" or "well, then make a decision if it's that bad, but I can't meet with you since you're married. Even if you think it's just an 'innocent' lunch."

The aussie woman can be filed away somewhere in the back of your mind and you may one day possibly be able to talk to her again if she's divorced, but she's nothing but trouble for now.

But she is certainly in that wayward mindset. Notice how all women who leave their husbands seem to be with abusive/self centered/uncaring/cold/heartless/crappy in bed [censored]?

No WW that I've ever seen says, "Joe Schmoe is a great guy and a great husband, but I just need to sow my oats more".

We all seem to get repainted as abusive/self centered/uncaring/heartless/crappy in bed [censored].

Just a thought.

Unfortunately.


I never realized how much of an aphrodisiac it is to be a BS!!! What the heck! I met a married woman at a work party and she was very friendly and interested to hear ALL about my issues. She got a little touchy after she got liquored up at the party. I don't drink so I was able to keep my wits about me. Another married woman from a networking group I'm a member of keeps wanting to have a one-on-one and keeps offering to help me in any way she can. Maybe she's just being nice but I would definitely not want MY wife offering so much help to a BS of the opposite sex. Then there's the online people.

I don't remember getting this much attention in such a short period of time when I was single. In fact I know I didn't.

But I've officially set up a boundary of no communication with women while I'm still officially married, even if they're hot, or have a great personality, or have lots of money. Except on this site of course.