I have posted about a couple of these issues before, but something new has been added to the mix and I want to know if I'm wrong for wanting to stop what I see happening.

First, I'll revisit the previous issues. I have a 13 year old son and I am divorced from his father. I have heard from my son that:

1. His father has voiced that there might be "something wrong" with my son because one of his best friends is 2 years younger than he is. He is trying to keep him from hanging around with this other boy, telling him that he needs to "develop healthy social skills."

2. Over the summer, my son caught his father in the living room, completely naked, in front of the computer, viewing pornography and you know what else. His father yelled at him and then apologized later for what my son saw.

3. Recently, his father has been seeing a woman steadily, may have plans to marry her, but I don't believe they are officially engaged yet. He has had her stay over at his apartment twice while my son is there.

4. This is a man who was never in 12 years involved in either one of our lives (my son and myself), but now insists on 50/50 custody. I told him I do not want my son staying with him while his girlfriend is there, he called me a "nothing" and said neither myself or my son could do anything about it and that she slept in his room and he slept with my son or on the couch. He wants my son to see what a "healthy, loving relationship looks like."

5. I also have a new significant other who has children of his own and would never dream of spending the night while my son is with me. He is a wonderful man, so I don't think this is a jealousy situation on my part.

Does anyone here think that I am being petty by wanting to remove my son from this situation? Do you think I would have a leg to stand on legally if I pursued doing so?

My divorce decree prevents my XW and me from having non-family members of the opposite sex spending the night when the kids are present. Other MBers were unable to get it in their settlements and were surprised that I was able to attain it. I think it depends on the state, and what's its outlook is on family law. I'm in Texas and our laws are still pretty old fashioned. Sometimes that's a bad thing too IMO...

I don't know how plausible it is to have things amended after-the-fact. Call your attorney and ask him/her. An experienced one should know right away if such a request could be successful.

Your XH is being ridiculous on the first point. Perhaps there's something weird about this other kid, and the XH is just using his age as excuse to get your son away from him.

That part 2 is creepy. In the living room??? That's something that may work in your favor. Courts don't look kindly on parents who don't shield their kids from seeing things like that. Tell your attorney.

Your son is old enough (in most states) to have a significant say about who he wants to be with. I think here once kids hit 12, they can request preference.

What does your son want?

My son goes back and forth with his preferences, depending on which one of us he is spending time with. For instance, January and February are my two months with him staying during the week and with his father on the weekends. Friday night I kept hearing about how his father was going to have his girlfriend with them on Saturday and how much he hates being around them. I told him to tell his father that he wasn't comfortable with her spending the night and request that he be taken home. After making an a$$ out of myself fighting with the man and saying I wanted my son home, my son finally calls and says he is okay with the whole thing, which may or may not be true, but his father would never physically hurt him, so he needn't be afraid of him and he (my son) has a big enough mouth with me to insist on what he wants.

As far as the friend of my son's, he is mature for his age, nice, respectful, and actually has "hands-on" parents with good values. I believe his father is doing the mind game thing with my son, since he doesn't have me to do it to anymore - you know, always trying to make us feel inferior in some way. I pretty much told him to butt out on that point and that our son has fine social skills and plenty of friends his own age.

The pornography thing went on all the years of our marriage and I used to catch him doing what my son saw quite frequently. He blamed me for putting so much mental stress on him that he needed to do that to "relax." I might add that he was the boring, unimaginative one in the bedroom and never wanted to try anything new.

Since the above incident occurred over the summer, (before he met his apparent "soul mate"), I don't know if I should just let it go (I just found out about it a week ago). After all, he is in a "healthy, loving relationship" now, so he will fight me if I try to bring that up in court.

How can I find out definitively from my son what he really wants without putting pressure on him and making him choose between us and possibly feeling guilty? I don't even think HE really knows what he wants. As his mother, I feel that I need to step in, but at what point would I just be making matters worse?

The attorney I had during the divorce was a joke. I'm in the process of looking for a new one. In the meantime, it helps to hear others' stories/advice.