Women in marriages that are that willing to help you and contact you are showing signs that they aren't happy in their own marriages. Just saying that from experience.

I had one woman contacting me a ton after she learned that exww left. I clued in to the fact that all wasn't likely good in her own marriage and pointed her to signs that her H was really a WH.

My clues led to d-day and they are now divorced.

But she was in some kind of weird denial when she started contacting me.

That's exactly what I was thinking when she was telling me the stuff her H did to her and the kids. And I even called her out on it and told her the stuff my WW said about me. I even admitted to the Aussie girl that I've said some harsh things to my wife that were said in anger and I didn't really mean it. But she just understood why I would do that and ignored it! I could probably have been Satan himself and she would have been all about it. Silly Waywards.

I hear you there erichh. My WW is all up about my AO and she has learned that OM makes me look like a saint to his W. But she ignores that.

It's like a shark with blood in the water. I think BS's actually give off a scent. LOL.

I don't know. My ex never gave me anything really solid in her complaints about me as a husband. They were pretty wishy washy reasons to end a marriage.

Stuff I heard:

I played games too much.
I didn't want to go dancing much.
She feels I didn't stand up for her enough with my mom when my mom would criticize her (proved everything my mom warned me about to be true).

Prophetic words from mom said before getting married: "That woman is going to break your heart and ruin your career."

Umm, pretty much happened that way, though she ruined my career first.

Her biggest complaints really came after she left and I started going through the stages of grief and betrayal and took legal action against her.

That's when I suddenly became "abusive/harrassing/etc".

Yes, some of the things I've said in anger since she left are things I'm not proud of. They fail to take into account the impact of being cheated on and betrayed and the kinds of emotions that carries.

What I know is that I'm better off without her in my life. The woman I have right now is awesome and continues to prove that over and over by little things she does and doesn't even realize how awesome she is in doing them.

Any chance you watch Battlestar Galactica?

I think it is soooo ironic in many ways that my wife is cheating on me because I'm such a bad husband and yet there is at least one woman who is wanting to cheat on her husband with me because "I'm so awesome!"

Somebody please shoot me.

That is awesome!! I wish you the best with your relationship.


I saw the movie years ago but I've taken a break from watching TV for several years now. The only things I really watch are rented movies or other series that interest me. I'm a bit of a trekkie. I watched three seasons of "Deadlies Catch" and the first two seasons of "Lost." But I think that's mostly it for television series over the last 4 years.

It's like a shark with blood in the water. I think BS's actually give off a scent. LOL.

You know I actually think you are right about this. There is a life for us again.

There are also a lot of people out there that are now single from D and they feel a desire to connect with us. Or never married folks that can see the strength we exude from going thru the crucible, yet coming out better than we were.

We also probably have that bit of elusiveness abt us in that we know we aren't going to just jump into a new relationship without thinking first.

We BS's are dang sexy!

May be some truth to this. This came from a foggy WW but it might be worth mentioning: One of the things that my WW told me that she likes about OM is that "he's lived life" meaning that he was married before and had two kids, etc. Well, I guess now I've "lived life.." thanks to her.

Maybe it can be summed up in the fact that we've matured through the experience (all of us except Mike)and that can be attractive. Mike, I'm just seeing if you're still reading this thread. hehe

Mrs. W

Actually...I think it has to do more with being emotionally damaged head cases that easily attract other emotionally hurting people like flies to crap (i.e.- hurt people attract hurting people) This could be a temporary condition if you keep your head on straight and avoid these unhealthy relationships until you've properly healed or, it WILL become protracted or even permanent, if you jump the shark and give into the temptation of allowing a woman to meet your emotional needs when you are really really really needy. Too easy to fall in lust/love with the WRONG person. IMO, you've got to build up a life on your own PRIOR to having anything of consequence to really share with someone new.

Would you really want your sister dating a guy that JUST got betrayed and divorced??? The great girls will NOT be knocking down walls to get to you for awhile....

So cool it.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - easy for me to say, very hard for you guys to do.

One more comment...

I haven't seen statistics on this to confirm it but I'm guessing the divorce rate on 2nd marriages is about the same for WS's and BS's for this very reason. Maybe WS's have a few percentile more divorces and, are more likely to have a 3rd and 4th divorce...but 2nd marriages, BS's are quite likely nearly the same.

Just a guess...but there is such thing as BS fog. I had it at one time. When Mrs. W affair was active I certainly had illusions of quickly finding another wife and recreating the happy family I desired. I also considered that I'd need the help raising our daughter. Perhaps it's that particular "need" that is the ultimate trap for divorced BH's with kids. Who knows.

Mr. W

Great post Mr W!

While your words have seriously injured my ego and reversed months of painful self-esteem rebuilding psychological therapy, I think you may have a good point there! Cute single girls with their acts together haven't been knocking down my door, just the cute unhappily married ones. Dang it!! But I think you might be right. Either way, I know I'm not going to talk to girls until I'm either divorced or happily married to my wife, in which case it probably won't be a good idea to talk to girls either.

Can I use your first post? That's going to make one heck of a Country & Western hit single.

Let's face it, talking to girls is just plain dangerous and you should NEVER do it. Plus, we have cooties.

Erich --

Nicely done on shutting down this before it got way out of control. And kudos for recognizing it for what it was.

I just wanted to point out a couple things since I'm a little late to the party.

She knew her marriage was a potential detriment to pursuing her relationship with you -- so see what happens? The marriage goes away. She removed the biggest impediment with those few little words "my husband moved out..."

However -- I sincerely and truly DOUBT that her husband really moved out. I'd bet money that he's still there and absolutely CLUELESS about any of what she is saying.

I did this too. I was competing for OM. In order to compete with the other (hot) women he was talking to, I had to get myself onto that path of being available. I told him all kinds of crap about my H. And the more I wanted OM, the more I MADE those things come true.

She's playing you Erich -- RUN....RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

Hahahaha, I have always said that after d-day the BS puts out a scent or something...it happens to just about every BS out there...we start getting hit on; all the kooks start coming out of the woodwork, it's like they KNOW we are vulnerable.

Protect yourself from that...I got myself into some sticky situations because I did not and you don't want to be caught off-guard. Consider yourself warned...it WILL keep happening.

Like I said, tighten up your boundaries and keep on high-alert for these sorts of things.

Erichh,

Good job on ending this. Sometimes, you may not even see it coming....
Here's my recent story:

Long time family friend that I knew has been going through a D with her WH. (yep, he cheated and she caught him).

We all have been friends for years. So couple weeks ago, my doorbell rings one evening. I answer the door and there she is holding a hot dish of fresh lazagna.
I had already had dinner, so I explained that I would eat it for dinner the next day. We chatted for a couple of minutes, and she left.

It was delicious....I'm italian and I know good lazagna! I called her and complimented her on great cooking.

Couple days later, the doorbell rings...here she is again with another plate of home cooking and also holding a movie. "While your eating, thought we could watch a movie."

I didn't even think...I just acted...."I love my WW and my family. WW is not here, and may not return. However, I am willing to do whatever I can to bring my family back home."

Not sure if the food was good or if I would have enjoyed the movie. I do know that I was proud of ME!!

And yes, she's HOT!!

Exactly correct. Prerequisite one in an affair mating dance is to complain about your marriage. My WW said that was the conversational BOND between her and OM initially.

Just because this women did it with you, half way around the world where you can't check, and claims BH is out iof the house, by no means it is true.

WS lie. It is their single identifying characteristic.

Dude just move on, get away from this woman and her family. Do not expose or contact again.

PS: was her handle "Hot Lonely Aussie Wife" BEFORE she was chatting with you?