I have no doubt. Just asking a couple of questions, curious as to your intentions. But, I find I don't really care so much about what you think, after all. *shrug*

I agree with MyRev.

You break my heart!

UPDATE:

Will go to counseling, on my own and invite BS to join if he chooses. Things are good between us, but, again, it doesnt mean "Recovered"....Recovery seems to be more of a process rather than an end.

You guys are off topic for my situation when you talk about the kids etc. I actually offered that after D-day going on close to five years ago now, but BS didnt want it--wanted me to stay and have us work this through.

Today, I am not aiming at D. I want the M to work. I am giving all I know how to give and trying my best to understand his perspective. If he were to decide for a D at this point, we would just determine together what was in the best interest of the kids considering all of the circumstances. Afterall, unfair or not, the best interst of the kids should drive that discussion--not just the best interest of the BS. (And yes, I recognize how unjust that must feel after a WS was NOT considering the best interest of the children...but two wrongs dont make a right).

I, personally, think that the best interest of the kids is to make the M work--and to work at a healthy one!

It's pretty obvious that you don't "get it" and after 5 years, likely never will.

No doubt your BH is so frustrated.

It's great that you're taking the step of getting personal counseling, Ahuman. I hope your husband ultimately decides to join you...it would help you to understand how best to help him in this whole recovery process. And you're right, it is a process.

I'm totally with you on doing what's in the best interest of the kids NOW. You can't change your past behavior, obviously, but you can do everything in your power NOW to give your children a secure and happy home. Kudos to you for making that a part of your recovery focus.

Lori

I feel the same as you. My H cheated on me 3x in 5 years (in 03 and again in 06 and 07 - 3 different women). I just can't forgive this..I have tried so hard...

This past weekend was terrible...I blew up when he aid "those affairs are the best thing that every happened to me! I am so happy now!" I got so angry. maybe I was wrong, but, I could not beleive he said that. They were the worst things that could have ever happened to me. They have changed me and my fellings towards him.

It erupted into a terrible fight, with him calling me all sorts of horrible names,screaming in my ear (my ear still hurts), pointing his finger in my face numerous times and smashing me up against the kitchen cabinets. I did not fight back. He told me to hit him. He said he wanted to call the cops on me.

He then threw all the photos of us that were in frames around the house near the garbage. He also cancelled the reservations we had fo vacation in February and August. He took off his wedding ring and put it in his drawer. He also said he is selling the house this week and filing for divorce, and told me and the kids and the dog to get out. Said he is sick of us, taking care of us, and we are taking all his money that he words hard for. He took away the checkbook and credit cards from me, and said he is taking my name of the accounts today. He said he is giving me no more money for food.

I and the kids are very scared now. I am having a very hard time concentrating at work, and have made alot of mistakes, and have been reprimanded for it. This i so hard. Getting tired.

So, talk about trying to get past the hurts and betrayls of the affairs..and now this...it is almost an impossiblity.

Has anyone been through this? What was the outcome. I honestly do not know what to do anymore but give up.

Geniva,

It does not sound like you are in a safe situation.


As a FWW, I have to tell you that I have NEVER felt this way. It sounds to me like he needs a reality check...or the boot!

Are you sure he is not still a WS?

Can you support yourself and the kids?

MyRevelation,

Sorry for your pain. I hope you are able to release it one day. Hate is a heavy load.

However, you choose to justify it to yourself ... I've said my peace.

No, you've said your piece. Although I am sure you don't care what I think (I'll save you the trouble of saying it by saying it first), I will confess I don't know how anyone could say "peace" to another person without first having it for oneself.

tl

Thank you. No, he is not with any of the former OWs...he is home every night, and we are together every single weekend...and he calls 4x a day from work..interesting...but, big blowup again this weekend...and, he doesn't call anymore, told me to get out with the kids and the dogs, and he is shutting off the heat, electric, etc...he was home at 8 last night when I got home from work, having his wine, but just grunted at me when I said hi, how are you..never said another word, nor this am...told me to get out of bedroom and sleep in one of daughter's bedrooms...

I can't support myself and kids, do not make nearly anywhere what he makes..he is vp of a company in manhattan, so, forget it.

what do you think is up his "_____" now? besides me dropping the huge tv over the weekend that we were trying to lift off a tall cabinet...it was heavy as all get out..I told him I don't think I can hold up my end before we even started..then the hell began....it didn't break though, thankfully. (he was replacing it with a flat screen).

wonder what is going on with him...I can't even deal with it anymore.

Hello Gineva!!!

Sorry you have to be here but you are in the right place!!!

Speaking of places, it would be helpful for you to start your own thread so that folks can reply directly to you. Just give your thread a name and ask the moderator to move your posts for you using the notify button.

By the way...



God bless.

Jim