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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,399
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,399 |
This question is for former waywards...
How did you forgive yourself for betraying your spouse?
Or have you?
When you respond, please include relationship details either in your sig line or in your response -- i.e. how long you've been married, the length of your EA/PA, when D-day was, if you're recovered, etc.
Thank you.
Me (FWW): 45
BH: 46
M: 11/94
PA: 2/08 (4 mos)
Confessed: 10/08
DS10
DD8
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,383
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,383 |
That's always an interesting question L4
Have I yet? I think so but it is so wrapped up in remorse and regret that I am sometimes not too sure.
It took a long long time of struggle and learning about myself and there were no short cuts. My Husband forgave long before I could begin to forgive myself. One of the greatest gifts my husband gave me was to tell me he didn't want to be married to Mrs I am so sorry. It really got me moving off my butt to work on myself.
The affair was meant to be an exit affair for me at the time. I wanted to hurt my H and did so.
PA over 3 weeks for about 10 days, 2003.
Married 20 years
Yes we are recovered... we had a new baby 3 years ago .. and it was his first day of full time Kindy today (sniffle)
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,399
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,399 |
Thank you, AW, for your response. And congrats on the recovery. I can see where even 6 years later you're still "wrapped up in remorse and regret". I don't believe it will ever be possible for me to put those same feelings aside. Which is probably part of the problem why I can't grant self-forgiveness.
I'm being told by many that I have to forgive myself. I'm working hard to get there and hope I can glean from the experiences of others who have been where I am.
(AW -- I understand the sniffles today... I was a wreck the first day I had to leave my son at daycare. Couldn't even go to work -- which was the reason DS was at daycare in the first place! Picked him up 4 hours later and held him the rest of the day. It does get easier, as I'm sure others have also told you.)
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 302
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 302 |
It's been 5 months since NC for me--PA lasted 10 months this time around. I had A with same OM 18 years ago that lasted about the same amount of time. He got divorced and so did I after first time around and we were going to get married but he ended up getting back together with his BS. I got remarried about 10 years later to another and ended up back in A with the same guy (18 years after the first one).
So, I'm still trying to forgive myself, still struggling with issues within myself. My BS and I are getting along fairly well. Our kids are grown. We have moved away from the town we lived in where the A occurred.
I think there is alot of forgiveness that still needs to come from everyone involved but it has gotten somewhat better. I'm still struggling with it though.
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,399
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,399 |
I think there is alot of forgiveness that still needs to come from everyone involved but it has gotten somewhat better. I'm still struggling with it though. Is there anything specific that could help you do this or speed up the process? What do you need to forgive yourself?
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 407
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 407 |
Looking4
I don't think I have. I have stopped judging myself but as to forgiveness? I don't know. Aussieswife's husband forgave her as too did mine. I have no idea how he came to that or deals with that. He doesn't 'live' with it on a daily basis as I have seen some BS' here do.
I still feel shame, guilt, anger and disgust at myself on a daily basis but to varying degrees. At what point can you forgive yourself?
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