Wife just left me today ... have four kids 3 girls (13, 17, 23) and 1 son (15). Says she needs break so took off with her uncle to southern state where he lives. I live in Mich. She may be back in 1 week or not at all. I don't know. She says we have no communication and terrible marriage. I agree that it is not good, but it's not all me. Its hard to have emotional intimacy with her history of blowing up like she does.

I am extremely angry that she is doing this again to our kids. I built her dream home 4 yrears ago. I used to have issues with lust and self gratification.

We have so much debt and no chance of selling home. My job is safe for now. She took a leave of absence from hers for now.

She left for 1 week in Fall 2007 and came back. We have attended 2 marriage conferences (texas and ny) that I initiated. We have went to counseling that I initiated. She has come a long way from her childhood history of physical and sexual abuse. She may be borderline personality disorder, but can't talk with her about it.

I told her she's not going to just leave and come back on her own schedule.

Looking for guidance to navigate these rough seas.

i hate seeing my kids go through this. i will read what I can and focus on them. I feel totally incompetent when it comes to doing what it takes to make my marraige better. I guess the bottom line is that she wants honesty and openness but nobody feels safe to be open and honest with her. Her uncle whom she idolizes has not been the recipient of her wrath and accusations. I am no longer on her good list. That place belongs to my 15 yr old son and her uncle. She has a very black and white outlook to life, issues and people.
thanks for anyone else that would like to reply. i'm tired, alone and confused.

have read His Needs Her Needs, Love Must be Tough, Marriage Busters, .... We have attended 2 Family Life Marriage conference Weekend to Remember.

Right now I am wondering if the uncle she left with is trying to start a relationship with her. His 3rd wife just left him for another man. They have always been close and she has viewed him as her Father. I can't bare the thought.

Everything hurts right now.

I am pissed off that she is doing this. My mind/heart is flooded with regret, anger, hurt, ...

Asked her over the phone this AM and she said no affair. She was offended that I asked. I tend to believe she is not having affair. When we were fighting 10 or more years ago after I confessed my lust/prn issues, she took step-daughter (1st marriage) to see first husband and had 1 time affair. She came home immediately and told me everything. She is unable to live with such guilt - this is one of her good traits, which she has many others. Her uncle is 15 - 18 ears older and would be despised by his kids if he were to make that move. His kids and my wife are like siblings and remain close.

I did tell her that she is having an emotional affair because feelings are being discussed with man other than her H. She said if that is the case, she's been having one for 20 years, because she has always gone to him and her aunt when our marriage had issues.

I'm not saying it's impossible, but she would tell me if it did happen.

Folks,

This is valley's original thread in Emotional Needs.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2204809#Post2204809

I directed him here due to the obvious and glaring warning signs. He is reluctant to believe that this (non-blood related) "uncle" is having or preparing to have an A with his WW.

Thoughts from the infidelity experts?

I think I agree with MyRev. There seems to be some sort of A, or at least EN-filling, going on there between your WW and that uncle.

IMO a woman would not abandon her kids and toddle off to another state to live with someone unless some pretty high ENs of hers were being met (i.e. an "A" was going on).

You asked her and she said no? You don't think that she's the type to actually do something like that?

You won't be the first BH to think so.

For the moment though, JL's comments are right on. Focus on the kids. Focus on removing those LBs and meeting those ENs your WW needs to get met. And I would include do a fair amount of snooping too to find out exactly what is going on with your WW. Check around the home - my FWW went the extra step to ensure no physical evidence remained of her A: perhaps your WW wasn't so careful. Hire a PI, or ask a friend or relative to keep an eye on her activities by that "uncle".

I heard the exact same things from my WW (in our sitch her 2nd cousin). It sounds VERY likely your WW is in an affair with the "Uncle". If you have the finances, I would hire a PI in the area to get confirmation. You'll hear stuff like:

- He's my UNLCE, nothing would ever happen

- He understands me

Once it is confirmed, you'll hear:

- We're not blood so it's OK

- He's my soulmate

- I never loved you.

The pro's will tell you what to do if you confirm the affair.