Is this plausible? I went over to the ex-wife's house last night to do our taxes since we got D in 08, we decided to shift expenses to maximize our returns. Anyway, in talking to her, I realized she has been completely broken by her A and my response include filing for D. My question is this, after the A, I heard all the BS justifications that we all here, and that was the MAIN reason why I eventually pursued plan D. I notice now, she has become completely broken, losing everything.(Respect, Income, Step-son, ME!) It does appear she is at rock bottom, and MIGHT, JUST MIGHT, come the point where she realizes the true cost of her A as I made sure she paid what was ultimately risked. Is it possible, that for some, they need to be broken so that they can be built back up. I have no doubt I could repair her soul, but the WaywardBabble was literally sending over the edge. Has anyone heard of this happening before? Is it a plausible outcome? First, they experience what most waywards never see, COMPLETE CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR ACTIONS.ie The WW is completely broken to the point all the selfishness they had during the A is completely expunged and they would do anything to have a chance to get it all back. Then, you offer them a chance to redeem themselves and rebuild what they tore down on YOUR TERMS? She seems open to starting over from SCRATCH? The wounds don't even seem to hurt anymore, am I crazy? Thoughts?

DUDE

It happens all of the time. That is why we always encourage folks to fight for their marriage.

My ex woke up about 7 months after the divorce.

"Fight for your marriage", but HOW, when they don't realize what they've done w/out ENDING THE MARRIAGE. Hence, ending the marriage, SAVES THE RELATIONSHIP??!!

Dude,

Jen counseled me and felt my WW won't wake up until after the divorce and she has totally hit rock bottom. In my sitch, the divorce may be final in a couple of weeks. By the end of the month, she stands a good possibility of being homeless, jobless, and supporting OM, 4 dogs, and OM's 8 horses. Not to mention we currently have 50/50 shared custody of the kids. She's already had two nervous breakdowns but OM has been there to "catch" her since as long as she has the property, he has a place for his horses.

Once OM moves to greener pastures, all of us expect WW to have the boomerang moment. Where I'll be at that point, I don't know. THe love bank is in the red right now.

Dude, I have sometimes wondered the same thing.

Well then we're doing it wrong, because those who "fight for their marriage" ... almost NEVER get to experience what Dude is talking about. The one's who get this shot are the one's who are prepared to walk away rather than accept the crumbs of a WW.

I'm a firm believer that MB would actually SAVE more M's by advising a quicker move to Plan D for those WW's who won't immediately stop the A and recommit to the M upon discovery.

The problem with MyRev's approach is that it doesnt square with the research and facts of Dr. Harley!

But it is MyRev's opinion, which he is entitled to.

Dude007 You have to decide what you want. If you want to start from scratch go for it but there is no such thing as your terms. not Marrage is not one sided. It is 50/50 all the time.

You can always remarry!!

Dude,

I’ve been following your story from the very beginning. Whether right or wrong, I must say that you have fulfilled every BS’s dream of vindication. You have utterly destroyed your WWxW. So with that said, you have won. Let me repeat that, YOU HAVE WON. Now, after your divorce, I expected you to fall by the wayside and stop posting, but to my surprise you kept appeared now and again. This tells me that you love your WWxW. There is nothing wrong or weak in that position. If you love someone you love them. She’s obviously is a great match to you in every other aspect as you’ve called her your “dream woman” in one your very first posts. You can now return to the woman you love in the strength of mercy, acceptance, and forgiveness. If you don’t return to your love, going forward you will hurt for the rest of your life over what you’ve lost. If you do return, the pain of the affair will fade in time as your WWxW heals you with love and affection. Going forward, who would you rather be with? A woman who will work hard for the rest of her life to show you love and make up for the mistake she made? Or find another woman, who won’t have that hard lesson under her belt, where the love and affection may fade in time due to life and other distractions. Now return to the love of your life and live life to its fullest.

Shocked and betrayed??!!??
Threadjack!

Is that you? HTH ARE YOU?!?!
I have been wondering!!!

And you wait from 04/04/08 til now to make a post on this forum and starting w/ me???!! I agree w/ you, you are probably correct, but I am interested in your situation as well?

DUDE

Wrongo!

People are complex creatures. It takes YEARS in some cases for the FOG to lift.

The causes that let your WS choose to have an A didn't happen in 1 DAY. IT takes time, love, forgiveness and patience to unravel.

IMHO

What WELD said!

Man, I just re-read your first post.

It does sound like you won. game over.

I feel sorry for both you and your WW. No one desterves to have their soul destroyed.

Maybe you should leave her alone- unless you like kicking puppies. :MrEEk:

Jeeze, I am chatty on this post this a.m. sorry

I will NEVER kick her again. As has been said, I WON. I don't feel good about it at all. She had to see that I was the greatest thing that ever happened to her, not visa versa which she has always believed to be true. The lesson is complete.

Dude

I'm sorry, but I just can't agree with this premise. Sure some WW's may take years to come out of the fog, that's where WxW's come from.

All you have to do is open your mind and take in what you see/read here. Those BH's who take a firm stand and refuse to be disrespected by an active wayward have a MUCH better chance of ending the A and rebuilding their M than those who go through Plans A & B, and the percentages aren't even close.

Keep in mind, I'm only discussing BH/WW situations ... IMHO, the dynamics of "most" BW/WH situations are completely different.

Dude has the opportunity ... whether he chooses to pursue it is his decision ... ONLY because he was willing to walk away rather than be his WW's doormat. Those BH's who muddle through the humiliation of the Plans NEVER get Dude's opportunity.

No you are not crazy. I intentionally tried to break my FWH. Can't really say that it was *I* that broke him rather than the situation or a combination of things but my thinking from day one was to break him to the point that he had nowhere to go but up. Plan D was on the table right off the bat. Even if we got divorced, I wanted a better father for my children then the POS they had at that moment.

It is possible to reconcile with your ex but only you can decide if you want to. If you choose to do so, take it slow and make her work for it.

Dude,

Why did I post on your thread? Because I feel you can repair what was broken, yet you are your own greatest obstacle. I see a person who is denying his own emotions. You have quite an ego Dude, and I sense you smile at the remark more than you resent it. Obviously your ego is what helped bring you financial success. That ego denied your WxW something and now it is denying you something, what you truly feel inside. The “scorched earth” retaliation you delivered as a result of what your wife has done is truly her own fault. But I sense the pain within you of you seeing her suffer. She has loved you, while you have destroyed her. I’d compare your situation to a boxing match. Now that you have pounded your opponent, and the referee has counted to ten, offer your hand to your WxW and help her back up. I have a feeling she will not want a rematch. You can’t help that you love someone, just surrender to the fact that you love your WxW. Tell her, “God only knows why I love you, but I do and I can’t help it.” That is what I tell my wife. I can tell you, you will always miss her and it will be you who threw her away, not that she left you. My situation is quite mild and in no way comes close to your own. I’m just good at reading between the lines.

Dude,

You have been offered a gift. A repentent WW. It's up to you to protect each other and provide both of you with a safe envirnoment where you both can heal. The Harley's have provided you the roadmap.