(Topic Moved From:Emotional Needs), by me
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I have been married for almost 5 years now, it's been a rocky road but i keep moving along working towards a better future for us.

Well, lately i find my self asking questions i have no answer for.
You see about 4 months ago (give or take a few days) my wife met a guy at work she became friends with.


Soon after she started to treat me differently, i had to beg her to spend quality time watching a movie, she gets (really mad) or worked up at me over small things i thought it was just stress from her job or her sister...

Then, it got worse (sexual) wise it's like she don't even want to touch me cuddle nothing! Then at 1am she woke me up crying i asked what the heck is going on i want to know she told me she had feelings for this guy, during the time i was sick she felt like i would never get better she was confused.

Not that you did get better i feel guilty, i did not know what to say, she said she was sorry (you always been there for me) but i was confused i am dedicated to you. i said ok, i forgive you not mad you just need to talk with me and let me know what's going on.

I thought it was over, about week later he was texting her with i found out, his gf left him for her ex bf or something she was like what a (B****), and now when ever she gets a text she is secretive about it if i ask she gets mad, i asked once out of curiosity got yelled at started me thinking.

Now he has a new gf she got mad, i said why do you care who he dates?
I think now i am back to square 1, she needs lots of space, our anniversary coming up. last night i said (cant wait to get into the hot tub huh?) she was zoned out she grumbles and said yeah yeah i am busy (you have to always F***ing bug me when i am home) i was just wondering.

I keep thinking did i do something wrong am i the bad guy here?
I mean i changed how i eat, how i dress, she even tried to buy me some colon at the store. she said it's the type he uses i was like huh? i just like the smell of it she said so i did not complain.

It's hard to describe how i feel lately but, even knowing i am married i still feel like i am alone, useless.
Like she is comparing me to something/someone i cant be, when i don't live up to it she gets mad and moves 1 more square away from me, i know i am not perfect, but i don't know where i stand anymore or what to do i feel like the Villain...

I have given everything i got, put my heart soul into relationship, unconditional love, forgiveness and she acts like it don't even matter or don't care anymore.

Welcome. So I get that you were sick for awhile? When was that?

Also is the "friend" married?

Do you have any kids?

This really should be in the 'General Questions' forum. You'll get more responses.

Your wife is having an affair with "That Guy". Let's call him OM (other man) from now on.

She is using your behaviors to justify her odd, affair-related behaviors.

She became cold and distant not because you said making friends at work is a bad idea...she became cold and distant because there is a guy at work she'd rather spend time with, and have sex with.

She actually had the nerve to blame you being sick on her "confusion". That's the trademark despicable behavior of a cheater. There is no confusion. Unless she's retarded, she knows that flirting/kissing/blowing a man other than her husband is wrong. Don't buy that nonsense, either.

No married person should have friends of the opposite sex.

Nothing justifies an affair. NOTHING. You are probably partially to blame for the state of the marriage, but you were in the same relationship she was. Did you cheat on her?

You need to prepare yourself for the fact that she is likely already in a sexual relationship with OM, and everything she has told you relating to that issue has been a lie. Non-retarded adults don't get "confused" over a wink and a few texts.

Do some snooping. Go through her cell phone and cell phone records. Watch her internet activity closely...consider a keylogger.

Remember this: Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

I'm sorry you find yourself here. There are plenty of wise people here who can help you.

How are you responding when she is contacting this guy? Are you mad, sad, indifferent? Does she really know how you feel about it?

I was sick for like a month and a half, found out i have a genetic disorder from my so called fathers side of the family i guess could not have come at a better time i guess..

One docter says it's adema, the other celloitsis (i cant spell it) something like that. right leg was swollen and could not walk at all hurt like hell, on and off for about 2 weeks i lost track.

No kids, i always wanted kids...
From what i hear, he was dating now seperated/ not dating a girl she hates or something. i try to give her space, and i trust her.

But i have been played the fool before...

It's funny how the OM is always available. THEY never seem to cheat. Odd, isn't it? :RollieEyes:

Less than 3 weeks being sick, and she felt you would never get better?

She's having an affair.

How in the world can she be trusted? She already told you that she was falling for another guy and was hiding it from you first. She has shown you that she can not be trusted. Trust needs to be earned.

If she cannot talk to you about her relationship with another man, then is an affair. She's hiding it from you because she knows that she's wrong.

I get the feeling that you know what's going on, and you are afraid to confront it, hoping that it will just go away and you can pretend it never happened. Even if by some miracle it does go that way, she won't be able to respect you for it, and you'll know that you let her do that to you.

No, i believe in only one woman in my life..


I don't think she has had sex, i hope not i will have to take a 12 hour shower....
Just the thought of him, her omg i have to stop and and clean house my friend is coming over to hang out at 12.

What evidence do you have that she has not had sex with him? Just based on what YOU have already posted, I'd say there's a 99 percent chance that she has already had sexual contact with OM, a lot more than once.

You can either face that fact now, or you can assume her innocence in the face of overwhelming evidence that says she's already an adulteress, while you hang out with your buddy.

And why not? Your wife is having fun at work with a buddy, too.

By her?

Oh and the cologne stuff, no way! You didn't buy it did you? Nothing like the scent of the scent of the OM to spice up a marriage. :RollieEyes:

Nope, it's not that i don't want to confront her it's just i don't want to end up as the guy going over board yelling telling her and i become the bad guy, i all ready told her if you committed to me no more bs with him i trust you to make the right choice. if he sends a text meets you wanting to hang out just say no i am married "not interested".

Maybe i am a (fool) to trust in her, my friends want me to beat him down, but i am a coder not a cave man.
Idk if she even did sleep with him "What If" she dident do it i blame her get into a fight and drive her away??

Then why on Earth are you posting on an INFIDELITY forum?

You are burying your head in the sand. You are even ignoring your friends.

Have you ever heard of gathering evidence? Go through her cellphone...any resistance to this is admission of guilt on her part. Watch her internet usage. Spy on her at lunch. Hire a friggin P.I. if you have the means. That way, there are no false accusations.

She's ALREADY in an affair with this guy...her promises to "make the right choice" are worthless.

You don't want to be the guy who goes overboard and yells at her?

Great. You can be the cuckolded doormat who stands idly by while your wife hops from one erection to another, because you don't want to be the bad guy. Unbelievable.

She wanted to buy you the same kind of cologne as OM wears because if you wore it, she could close her eyes and picture HIM in her mind--I know this for a fact. The smell is a HUGE memory.

Your wife is having an A with the OM...either emotionally or physically.

Agreed...You need to start doing some snooping/investigating. Red flags all over the place...

"She wanted to buy you the same kind of cologne as OM wears because if you wore it, she could close her eyes and picture HIM in her mind--I know this for a fact."

Maybe

I prefer to think it i after WW comes from from doing the OM. Her BH can't identify a strange cologne smell on her.

WW: silly that's yourself your're smelling.

It never ceases to amaze me just how cruel a WS becomes during an affair. My friend, you are being royally abused.

Let it look like you are letting it go and start sleuthing in earnest. I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts you'll find out she is cheating.

Nice call by The Road, BTW. The same colgne thing is her insurance against detection. Man, they are crafty, deceitful beings.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. The fact is she is cheating on you. Even if it is only a EA, but I believe has gone PA. You have shown her time and again that you are a door mat. Someone to pay the bills, and love her unconditionally. She looks at you with contempt. There is only one way to end this. And it will require you to have nerves of steel. Pack her things and set them outside. Tell her that she has chosen this OM. If she tells you "No I haven't". Tell her this. Do you speak to him like he is a dog? You do me. Does he get your best? I don't. Are you his wife? No, your mine. You are a faithless cheating wife and you made your decision. Go camp out under his car. Do what ever you want. She has taken your testicles. And now your going to take them back. There is nothing mean about not accepting your wife screwing other guys. You don't think they've had sex. Let me tell you. If you have had sex with her since this guy has been around, She is having sex with you and thinking of him. If you want to save your marriage you had better "man up" I think you can still save it. If you are not sure you know how to do this. Take an example of the contempt she shows you. And treat her the same. Only about 10 times greater. If you want to lose her, keep going down the same road you've been going down. You want to save your marriage? Toss her [censored] out and let her come back begging. You are a treasure to be won. She needs to work her [censored] off to get you back. I hope you listen. I hate seeing marriages break up.

I am stunned!!! Good luck with this approach!!! Also whats with needing to clean your house because your friend is coming over??? Your friend is a guy right?? Don't be afraid to stand up and demand that your wife not treat you this way and not have secret communications with other men!!!

Well,

You will never know for sure if she is having an A (although the evidence appears pretty strong) unless you snoop and have a plan. I would notify a mod and ask them to move this to the GQ section. You are gonna need some help brother, and from vets with experience.

I am afraid you are just strapping into the roller coaster. Have you read or ordered "Surviving an Affair?"

Whether you decide to kick her to the curb or implement plans A/B etc. you will still need to have proof of what she's up to and with who. There is a thread on here called Snooping 101, I would start reading. Don't confront her yet, have more proof than the cologne etc.

This really stinks and it's gonna get worse I am afraid.

First, my favorite quote here is Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. I agree with everyone else she has already had a PA. You are a fool for believing otherwise. Those people who you have termed the "bad guy" turn out more often than not to being right for going overboard (I have witnessed it with my own eyes). Everyone thought this guy was nuts, but guess what? His wife was in an affair...