I actually am trying to plan that out. Waiting on a return call from my brother. DS10 has wanted to spend a few nights with them and we had discussed it during Christmas but I just haven't gotten an answer from him yet so I just called a bit ago and left a message. I'll keep you posted.

H called for his nightly call to DS10, yup he asked where I was. Told DS10 I would be on the couch on the phone just before his dad called. I was talking to my mom so it wasn't a lie I just didn't tell DS10 who i was talking to. So he says where's mom and DS10 says she's in living room on the phone and he says yup....who is she talking to? Funny little DS10 tells me this and he says mom he asked like this(puzzled and annoyed) and I just told him IDK who she is talking to you can call her and ask her if you want to. LOLOLOLOL I purposely stayed home tonight and I purposely went on the phone too because I knew he was going to ask who I was talking to.

I guess tomorrow he is in our area again and he told DS10 ask your mom if it is ok if I come by for 5 minutes to say hello. I was going to throw a fit since its not his day but he did tell DS10 ask your mom which is actually and improvement even though he is not using the IM's to ask. Just asking and not assuming is an improvement in my book. Plus tomorrow DD17 turns 18 and I think its best for all of them to see each other even if its 5 minutes. I'll be hiding out like always. Can't be too long of a visit since it supposed to be raining tomorrow.

Anyways thanks for all the laughs on VD, it actually helped. It's true it is a set up and it is really materialistic. Everyday should be Valentines Day! So thanks guys! Man that was a riot.

I can't believe my lil girl is a grown up tomorrow. Boy time went fast. Sure does not feel like 18 years ago she was born.

G'night y'all....

How can you have an 18 year old when you look like you are 28!

Must be all of that CA sunshine. Tell DD17 that I said happy birthday.

Precocious puberty?

tl

I can't remember what your daughters plans are for college.
I think there should be some hints that maybe you will pick up and move to the college-town she goes to. That'll make him panic.

Maybe a request through IM's for him to check on kids overnight on such-and-such date, because you will be out of town...

Maybe a suggestion from DD that "mom's looking at some singles cruises". That doesn't imply that you have a new relationship (I disapprove of giving him the idea you're dating...) But it does suggest you are "moving on."

Nothing improper. Just hints.

T2L, I think it is really great for WS to see you taking charge of your life, making decisions without him, making plans without him, making a life without him.

I think it can really drive him nuts as he begins to wonder about you and your "new life".

I have a word of caution, though. This is a fine line you walk for two reasons.

First, if your actions convince him that there is an OM, he may just give up. tst and I talked about this, and he said if he had known I was involved with someone else, he probably would not have even hinted to me about reconciliation. He said he would have thought it was too late.

Secondly, as you begin to live this "new life", new people will enter into it. Embracing the moving on mentality makes you more vulnerable to letting someone else meet ENs than you may realize.

In addition, I see you mentally breaking Plan B, as well as physically, a bit more than might be good for you. You are now concentrated on him and how he will react to this or that or the other (drama).

With that said, I AM all for giving him a taste of life without T2L.

So that was the fine print warning on the pack of "new life".

Take care of yourself first.

YES YES YES YES YES
What SMB just said!!!!

Let him worry, but do NOT give him the impression that there is an OM. Do NOT intentionally deceive him. Just do normal honest things and let him jump to his own conclusions.

Also, take it s-l-o-w-l-y. This is a metamorphosis, not a monster campaign for instant results. He has to feel the changes are gradual and permanent, not a temporary insanity knee-jerk behavior.

Or listen to Good Charlotte's My Bloody Valentine - maybe even more appropriate.

(Sorry, can't get to a link of the real song here at work. It's awesome, though.)

Lexxy, I've told my D18 that I'm getting an apartment in the town she's going to college to next fall. She just rolls her eyes and goes "Mooooom!" lol. But I can tell she's a little afraid I'm telling the truth!

I think it would be a great idea to throw out that you might move to her college town.

Yes the calls have been trickling in at a slow pace so it doesn't seem obvious. If asked it can be said possibly that they are friends of Lildoggie, which they are LOL, and that we are just talking to arrange when she comes out to the states.

Ok and Yes I do understand what you are saying about not letting him feel there is another man in the picture. I think he can make his own assumptions.

He already has T2L and the persistent questions to your kids show that he is feeling uneasy about it. As they say, you don't know what you've lost until it's gone. He has a big imagination and would be picturing you in his deceitful shoes instead of seeing the innocence of it all.

Don't worry about Valentine's day. It's just Saturday. If you can stay away from the hype it would be a good idea. Rent a movie and paint your toenails and take a bath. It's just another Saturday!

I have unfortunately spent 2 other Valentine's Days since being with my H as a BS. They haven't been consecutive years, so I only celebrate every second year anyway. LOL. Buy yourself some flowers and don't worry about bluffing your WH. He will assume you'll be getting a lot more than flowers anyway.

My family is all going to be away and it will just be me and the kids at home. They are in bed by 7:30pm so I hope to stay away from the Valentine's Day tv-movies and just relax. WH has a gig on the night before and the night after with OW. It's going to be a [censored] weekend for me.

Sorry to TJ. I got carried away!

V. Day isnt a big deal for us.

You know why???


Love is MORE than just a day

Hey T2L, where are you. Tooling around in circles and drinking lots of coffee today? take care.

Oh sorry, not much new to report. No contact since all the last info. Still trying to be gone in the evenings a few times a week so he doesn't expect me home every night. 2nd PB letter done, per suggestions. Still deciding on when to give. Talking things over with IM's about a few other things.

Moved DS10 into the bedroom that is right next to mine. He said a few days ago that he would sleep in his room if I moved him so we started it. We just have to take the outer framed of his bed apart. Kids and I tried to find the socket wrench to take it apart and couldn't find it. DD18 asked him if he took it and he said yes so he will drop it off tomorrow during his visit.

So I think tonight DS10 may be sleeping in his bed...yipeee! I don't mind him being in my bed the last 9 months its just I have a huge pillow in the middle to protect me from being smashed and beaten to death by a huge 10 year old. He looks me in the eyes and weighs more than me. Yes it is a little large for a 10 year old. Doctors said he's at 90% for his age, meaning he is 90% bigger than all kids his age. He's not obese either. He has a little bit of a belly but he's just a huge kids.

I Am really looking forward to having the whole king size bed all to myself.

King sized???

I have been thinking about the VD thing. How about donating blood. Thats as close to the heart as you can get and it doesnt need a reciprocal gift as you will get it from the feel good you will get from doing something nice.

I would be happy to donate blood from H and the OW,,,buckets.

Yeah.

I know that feeling.
Well from OW anyway.

OH Man that is Hilarious! But I would feel bad giving blood from a Sea Hag, the person on the receiving end might get warts or grow a snake tongue or something LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Ok so tonight I leave to get gas in my car just before H calls kids. I tell DD18 going to get coffee and gas in my car. So H calls at 8:15 like normal. DD18 answers phone 1st. She says Hi dad, and H says whatcha doing? DD18 says babysitting for mom before I go out later. H says whaaaaattt?!?! He says where is your mom? DD18 says she's out getting coffee with friend. And he says who did she go with? Well if you haven't guessed already DD18 loves taunting her dad. So her response to who did she go with was a "yaaaaawn" and man I'm tired. And H says again WHO DID SHE GO WITH?!?! DD18 snaps at him and says I don't know somebody! And he says Oh. Then He says that he is staying at his mom's tonight, not at the Sea Hag's Den. I found it a little odd. I do however know that he had to pick up his check today and its in that city but usually as far as I knew he went home to their place.

He talks to DS10 a bit I guess and then hangs up. DD18 says yeah he sounded really bothered by you being gone. LOL

On Thursday DS10 had asked DD18 if mom had a BF since dad asked. DD18 told H that DS10 had asked her. He said well I only asked since DS10 said she was on the phone long distance the other night. LOL DD18 says dad I don't "think" mom has a BF, I "think" she would tell me. So both his kids told him mom doesn't have a BF. I still think it bothers him that I am out. Funny thing is ya wanna know what he told me right after dday. I think it was about a month after. He says why don't you leave and go do things like other girls at night? LOLOL I tell him that I do my errands and things during the day so I can be home with you guys. i am guess he compared me to the OW and her behaviors. She must be out at nights. I just loved being at home when the whole family got home. Well buddy how do you like it now? T2L is out at night and it seems you may not like it. Of course It's stupid stuff like getting gas for my car and going to the post office so I don't feel bad.

Anyways he is coming to visit with kids tomorrow, guess he's taking them to get coffee. His visits are really hard because he lives an hour away and he has a company vehicle that he really isn't supposed to put anyone in so alot of the time he meets the kids at a coffee shop or at a park. Not my prob. that's a choice.

Anyways, think I will manage to be gone when he comes to pick up kiddos.

But have to say that seeing him does make me miss him a bit but no biggie I never stopped missing him....

G'night y'all....

Okay had to come back on and tell you this....So I decided on mopping my floor before I go to bed...I know I'm crazy...

Earlier DD18 talked to H and when she was done DS10 talked. So I was just filling up my sink a few minutes ago and DS10 plops up on top of the counter and say hey mom, do you think something is going on with dad and the Sea Hag? I say IDK DS10 why? He says well dad sounded kinda sad and dad told me that he was staying at grandmas alone tonight. I say yeah your sister told me. He says i think something is going on and I asked dad.

I said what? He said I asked dad. I said well what did you say DS10? He said I said, dad are you okay is something wrong with you and ummm uhhh and he says his dads answer was weird. He said dad said, mmmmmmm. Then DS10 said dad really didn't say anything so I said so what time you coming tomorrow? DS10 it was kind a weird mom.

I swear DS10 cracks me up. The stuff that flies out of his little mouth is priceless and always catches me off guard LMAO!

T2L:

I just happened to read your post.

I want to encourage you NOT to make too much of your WH's every move.

In fact, I would recommend to TRY to put him out of your mind as much as possible while in PLAN B...

I guess it must be hard with so much of his involvement with your children.

I've come to really understand my H's actions during his affair from talking to him about how it WAS then.

Your WH is following the SAME SCRIPT...it must be scripted somewhere..lot of THEM follow the same pattern.

The RELATIONSHIP with the OW is SICK..it is an ADDICTION..so they play all sorts of games with each other that we can't possibly understand or don't want to understand what a relationship like THAT is like. I'm not sure if it's done on purpose or not. Sometimes maybe it is..sometimes not..but what happens is that they BREAK UP TO MAKE UP..keep DRAMA going to keep the FIRE going...it doesn't mean there's an impending breakup..although there will EVENTUALLY be a TRAGIC ENDING..hopefully YOU will still be around to help pick up HIS PIECES that are left....

I'm able to talk about it with him when we're looking at a television show or even talking about celebrities on the news..I will Ooooh and Ahhh about some sort of sick occurrence and just the other day he said something like..."I know (meaning from experience) you can do all sorts of CRAZY things when you are leading that kind of life"....YUCK...