I've read the first 3 chapters this morning and I think I've already gained much insight. I'm actually finding things out about myself... the formerly betrayed spouse.

What I've discovered was that my interest in the marriage, or should I say, my wife's love bank account that I held, had dropped way below the romantic feelings level very early in the marriage. I just happen to have a high threshold of pain, so I was content to let the marriage hobble along and ultimately, let our separation hobble along.

My wife and I are working hard on the marriage. We just completed our 7th counseling session in the two month's we've been back together (after her affair ended.)

The thing I have going for me now is that my wife is a voracious reader... therefore I know she'll pick up the book after I'm done with it... or probably before!

One thing that we are doing, is that we are spending huge amounts of time with each other... doing things together, making fun and touching! Things seem to be on the right track.

She has told me that this is the marriage that she always wanted.

Roy,

Is Roy Batty a reference to Blade Runner, way up there on my list of movies. Sorry for the TJ.

NJ

Roy Batty is my alter-ego...

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain. Time to die."

Roy,

Yea me too, I'm an OC so I repeated the scene where he meets his maker for real, I went to meet my father for the first time. I didn't push my thumbs into his eyes however, so it's never like it is in the movies. He was a humanitarian of sorts who had been a captive at Auschwitz.

NJ

I think that Roy Batty was a Gen X'r... I consider myself an early phase Gen X'r. My wife on the otherhand is a late phase baby boomer... the prophet generation. She identifies with the prophet role. See the book... "The Fourth Turning" by William Strauss and Neil Howe

Batty-

On another thread you said:


If you are in this for the drama instead of marriage advice, say so.

Roy,

Thanks for the book lead, I have it on hold at the local library, I'll let you know what I think.

Yea the earthly nirvana the hippies expected never panned out, kinda reminds me of the excitement surrounding Obama with its Chairman Mao style adulation.

NJ

Well, I'm making one false move in the "Marriage Builders" plan... It's just going to have to be this way. I have to see who these people are.

In another thread, TheRoad replied:


These are the circumstances:

When the affair took place, I wasn't living with my wife. I found out within a few days of the PA starting... approximately 3 weeks after they first met. The PA lasted 4 days. She immediately dropped this guy when I told her I would work on the marriage.

We have been joined at the hip for 2 months now (living together again.) She choose me over him... abondoning the "exciting" affair sex for another chance with me, and all the uncertanties that things would go back to being the same as before. Things are very different with us now.

There is no way this possible encounter will stir up anything in her. She already made her choice.

We've discussed the permutations of this party and we have a gameplan for dealing with things.

This is her 50th birthday party... she's been planning this for over a year. I'm not going to deny this to her.

The problem is, she's having this party with her friend (also her birthday) who's SO is the brother of wife's former OM. This will be awkward, but in this case, the show must go on.

After the party, we go back to "normal."

I'll still be prepared for the unexpected.

You were separated and WW slept with the OM.

To me this was an affair.

Her friend supporting and encouraged WW or OM to go for it then
this friend is a toxic friend. Not a friend of the marriage. Even though people are separated it known that they should not date during this time.

NC is for toxic friends and OM.

Is the WW and friend simese twins?

Then no need for a joint BD party.

How do you expect your social circle to show you respect when you continue associate with the people that were involved with your WW's affair?

I agree that this was an affair. Her friend is toxic, I agree with that to. My wife also understands this. Do you think if her friend suggested to her now that some other guy was better than her husband, she would consider it? See how silly this is?

As far as social circles... there is no overlap between this friends circle and our circle of friends who will be in attendance. My wife agreed to stay close. She knows I'll be watching. Should I doubt her?

Sounds like you are placing yourself and your WW in a very volatile situation and just asking for trouble. Shooting yourself in the foot, if you will.

Why prove a point only to prove a pointless point.

Is it you want to show every one there that a alpha male has his jane back. If so grow up.

You have yet to convince us why continued contact with toxic friend and OM's relatives is good.

Grow up stay home.