Hi MB'ers,

I was pondering a question last night.
What would your perfect marriage be like, if it were possible to have a perfect marriage?

Hmmmmmm , maybe most of us can not fathom a perfect marriage at this point in time.

Surely someone has a thought on what their "Ideal" perfect marriage would be like.

WU,

Since there is no such thing as perfect it is a difficult question to answer. My best answer would be the M that was taken away from me. It wasn't perfect, but it was pretty d*MN good.

Want2Stay

My grandparents had a pretty ideal marriage, but of course that is through the eyes of their adoring granddaughter.

He was still smacking her fanny after 50 years, and they were nauseatingly cute together. So i guess my ideal marriage would be one where my H still looks at me all gooey-eyed and has to touch me when I walk by after 50 years together. I guess if you got that, all the other stuff must be pretty good, too, eh?

To me, an ideal perfect marriage would be one in which the husband and the wife are complementary - with each possessing strengths the other does not. They can work together to maximize their individual strengths and compensate for their individual weaknesses.

The husband and the wife will respect each other's point of view. Instead of getting upset over their own needs being unmet, they will seek to meet each other's needs. They will understand that each is called to serve the other.

The ideal husband and wife will show each other in daily life how much they appreciate each other, and how much they cherish each other. They will each seek to see the good in their spouse, and will actively work to encourage that in each other.

All of this would have the effect of drawing out the best from each other.

The ideal marriage would include the husband and wife doing new things together. Each would be the other's preferred companion, and they would almost always be found together. Each would take an interest in their spouse's interests.

An ideal husband and wife would not be concerned about their own egos... they would not demand respect from one another... instead of demanding respect from their partner, they would seek to respect their partner. Instead of demanding their partner meet their needs, they would seek to meet their partner's needs.

The ideal husband and wife would also be each other's confidant. They will keep each other's secrets. They will understand that, being so emotionally close, they are privy to each other's most embarrasing quirks, most humiliating moments. They will keep their partner's trust safe from the outside world.

An ideal husband and wife will actively look for the good in their partner... but they will know all of their partner's shortcomings. They will know all of their failings. They will know where each other struggle. They will know... and they will accept each other, and love each other regardless, and will seek to help one another with those struggles and shortcomings.

An ideal husband and wife will be slow to take offense, and quick to forgive. They will know their time together is a precious and valuable gift, and they will accept that gift with a grateful heart.

Above all, an ideal husband and wife will always endeavour to be worthy of their spouse... even as they freely offer themselves without reservation and without qualification.

Obviously, a marriage like this is not possible when there is active infidelity, and it is not possible while in the process of recovering from infidelity. All of the hurt, pain and suffering from the affair must be dealt with first. A marriage like this is, however, a worthy goal to aspire to, IMHO.

It's strange to say, but after A#1 our marriage was stronger and better than it was before. Communication issues...

I'm hoping that after A#2 we can achieve an even better marraige than before. It's a long road, but I'm seeing progress.

There was a time when I thought to myself, "if she ever cheated on me..." well, you know the rest. Be careful in answering hypothetical questions...your thoughts and feelings are very often different whey you are standing in those shoes, as opposed to just pondering what those shoes feel like.

Perfect marriage would be ZERO secrets, 100% transparency. Rules of protection, time, all the good Harley's stuff. A wonderful balance of me meeting her top ENs and her meeting mine. Time to spend together, resources to vacation together, etc.

(and for the record, i dislike the term "perfect." There was only one perfect thing on this earth...and I'm striving to be more like him but in no way can I achieve that. all I can do is strive...How about "wonderful marriage"?)

I agree, there may not be such a thing as a "perfect" marriage, cause in order for the marriage to be "perfect" the man and woman, would have to be perfect to start with.

I realize this forum was probably not the most ideal place to ask such a question, but on the other hand maybe it is the best place to ask such a question.

Barring the reason most of us are here, what would your "ideal" marriage be like? Has anyone ever truely thought about what they expect from their marriage? Has anyone ever stopped to think about what they contribute, and how, to their marriage?

What could we do differantly, what could we have offered unconditionally, to get to that point of a great marriage.
I truely feel that there are always two sides to the story, I personally know I had faults in my marriage, that contributed to the downward spiral to the point I am at now.

So keep posting.

I can really relate to your response, W2S.

While I can point to a handful of things that are better in our relationship post-A ... I would GLADLY trade it all to go back to our pre-A M.

In our case, "the juice wasn't worth the squeeze".