H came up yesterday he said he wanted to talk i let him in he sat down and never said a word so i asked what he would like to talk about he said he cant not have me in his life he enjoys spending time with me etc to which i replied i have told you already if you choose the OW then i can no longer be part of your life i want NC with you he asked if he could pick the children up from school which i said was no problem and that when he has had time to think about what he really wants if he would like to sort things out with me i will allow for us to meet up to talk about everything then but in the meantime i am remaining no contact as i cant be part of his life all the time he wants to be with OW.
i then had to get some stuff done came back downstairs and he was sat on the stairs in tears.
He looks ill and im sure his depressed it does make me worry about him i have told him that he needs to talk to someone about everything but he says that wont help its a waste of time so i left it.
H then tried to ring me last night which i didnt take then he text me saying he loves me so much and dont want to lose me.
But when here he always says his not in love with me anymore and loves OW.
This all makes me so confused im staying strong and not letting him see this is affecting me in anyway and that im trying to move on. He is having the children tonight and i know i cant show any emotion when he comes for them and to remain strong even if i break down once the children have gone.

I wanted to know his sadness and looking ill and depressed is this perfectly normal.

I have also asked him if he is sure he is doing the right thing to which he replies i dont know, i cant think straight right now
I asked if he cares more about OW than he does me to which he replies no i care more for you than you will ever know.

Be certain to tell him you need a husband, not a friend. Your husband is doing and saying what they all do.

How was the marriage before the affair?

to me everything was great in the marriage before the affair altho he has said that he felt i never gave him enough attention on one of our discussions since the affair. we always communicated well and spent time together where possible. I always made time for him when i wasnt working or busy with the house etc which at times was hard.

Well, they tend to rewrite the history of the marriage when they are cheating. But you can work on giving him attention with a good Plan A.

He is not living with you now, is that correct?

he is living in naval accomodation right now. He is not really saying anything just that he dont think he wants to work on our marriage, even tho he said he has enjoyed our marriage up to this point he said he wants to start a fresh and have things to look forward too.

Typical wayward babble. You might want to jump over to General Questions so you get more advice.