OMW had no idea that it was going on or that he cld do something like that, she has been so trustworthy (wow, that sounds familiar)

She cheated on him 1 year into their marriage and he always comes back and throws that in her face and blames it on their problems.

I'm glad I was able to help her realize the truth. And told her that when she is ready, I have a great resource to turn to with many knowlegable and caring people.

I wouldnt warn your W. She will be banging down your door soon enough.

Do not, repeat. Do NOT engage with her when she starts spewing venom. There is a good thread here on reverse fog babble, which gives some great suggestions on what to say to a wayward when they are exposed. I'll go hunt it down for you

Translation: I'd better extract myself from this quickly before this BH tells my BW!!

The fact that he didn't tell his BW should give you a true indication of remorseful for his actions he really is.

You did well. Expect fireworks.

Most spouses of cheaters are clueless that something is happening until the evidence becomes overwhelming.

I think things are pretty set. You've exposed, confronted with evidence, protected your finances, etc.

It's now up to you if you decide you want to end things and move on and find a better woman, or if you wish to bear the ordeal of trying to rebuild and recover your marriage with your WW.

She sent me a text "I understand why you did what you did."

WHAT?! This isn't what I was prepared for, how do I respond to this? My obvious response is "It was the right thing to do"

..But is this more crazy talk?

One moment they appear to be normal. The next moment they are spinning their head around and spewing pea soup at you.

Still prepare for the worst. Especially when she tries to access finances.

I suggest ignoring it. She could be referring to any of the actions you've taken.

How about: "good. Im prepared to fight for our M. When you are ready to hear my conditions for reconciliation, let me know"

And then go dark. Dont answer calls or texts until she is ready

I think it was the finances. She mut have tried to use her card or looked at the accounts.

Shortly after she sent me "I'm seeing a therapist tonight"

She's playing the "pity card".

Wait 'til she founds out that the OMW was told.

Don't fall for this crap!

Get a lawyer. Get a D.

Dump this woman who cheated on you months into your marriage.

Your choice in a wife was wrong, don't compound the mistake.

I wish we had a 'pat you on the back' emoticon. This will have to do:

Dazed, don't try to analyze a wayward. Just batten down the hatches -- it will be a wild ride.

My H was ballistic when I told SIL that he was having an A. He told her that me and him had drifted and he wanted out. There was no one else...WTH. He said why did you tell her -- because Duh it was the truth.

Never apoligize for exposure. If WW starts going crazy, just say I did it not to destroy us but to save us. Turn and walk away. Do not get into a dialogue with her and have to defend yourself.

dnc10,
As a 23 year old M'd for less than a year, you are experiencing wayyyyyy too much drama and trauma for newlyweds. You should still be in your honeymoon period, not this crap.

What most folks have said here is spot on regarding ending an A an salvaging a M. But you haven't even had the chance to establish a M, and your Wife is cheating on you within six months of saying "I do" and "forsaking all others."

In short, the two of you do not have enough equity invested in this M that you will somehow be able to overcome the inevitable massive resentment you will build up against your now WW.

If you were to reconsile, this will haunt you for decades, not months or years, decades. Look what OMW said to you regarding her A. Her H still throws it in her face, years later. Do you want to be just like OM???????

Dr Harley, the founder of this site states that an A within the first two years of M is basically a deal breaker, especially if there are no children yet.

IMHO, you need to step back from all the drama and semantics of saving your M from a WW who not only has a PA with OM, but also expresses her regrets for marrying you. All in less than one year.

I will have to agree with IAM here, get a lawyer and be done with this. After a period of withdrawal, you will eventually meet someone who is faithful and true, and will not put you through this. I know you cannot see this now, but eventually,regardless of what you decide, you will see this in the future.

Do you want to spend the next forty or so years with deep regrets for your youthful decision to stay M'd to a WW who is simply not marriage material.

Accept your poor choice, chalk it off to unwise youth, and salvage your manhood.

For the record, I'm a sixty year old geiser who has walked more than a few blocks in front of you. Do what you must do in order to live life with no regrets. Be true to yourself and God, and never put your spouse in the place that belongs to God, and Him alone.

I do wish you the best in your life and your decision,

All Blessings,
Jerry


ETA:Jesus replied, "Moses let you divorce your wives because you were stubborn. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 Here is what I tell you. Anyone who divorces his wife and gets married to another woman commits adultery. A man may divorce his wife only if she has not been faithful to him." math19:v8

Her trip to the therapist could be a cover to give WW and the OM the time to get their stories straight.

Best to not respond to her. Do not tip your hand at this point.

Yesterday was a long an exhausting day for me. I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement, and hard truths.

I'm finally going back to work today, it will be nice to think of something else for at least a day.

I went to her parents house last night, and the reason she went to therapy is because the night before, her dad said she was babbling and crying, and not making any sense when she talked. Her dad made her promise to go for her, and she made it happen the same day.

WW has been talking to OM a lot since the exposure to OMW. I expected this. I talked to her friend and WW said that telling OMW probably pushed OM and WW closer, since now he will lose his job and OMW is living with a friend. The only way I feel that they will stop talking is if OMW is committed to her relationship as well.

She wants to meet on Saturday, but I really didn't want to meet until I had a chance to read SAA, but I feel like I should tell her about the finances(I don't think she noticed yet-I pay all the bills). Having not read SAA, its hard to say, but i think I want to do Plan A, I guess I will know for sure once I have that resource.

Well I'm off to work, thank you again everyone!

meh

Tell her friend that she isn't getting the advice of someone who's counseled thousands of couples and previously betrayed spouses, and that you appreciate her opinion, but you'll go with the expert on this one.

And PLEASE don't make the mistake of thinking the affair ending is on the shoulders of OMW. It requires a LOT of work from a LOT of angles. Tough love, Plan A, Plan B, exposure, repeated exposure if necessary...lots of angles.

How about we review to whom you have exposed and what has happened. Let's see if there are any cracks in your foundation.

It is exposed to pretty much her whole family.

Dad, Mom, Brother, Uncles, Aunts, friends. I think the really hard ones for her was the uncle (boss of OM and OMW) and her uncle who is dying of cancer. I believe he said something of the lines of, "I'm already dying I feel like getting out a gun right now."

My SAA book shipped today, I'm still so mad that no book store had it in town. I feel like I really need it right now...

Ugh...she's driving me crazy! Just got this text:

"I know you don't want to hear this right now, but I always loved you and always will"

And I feel the same way, but she doesn't deserve that kind of compassion right now, so I don't know how to respond.

That depends on what you'd like the turnout to be.

Your WW is probably striking out in all directions for support, and that feeling she expressed in that text is likely temporary. You can offer support, or you can wait for the dust to settle and not respond at all.

I suggested previously that it might be best if you walk away from this, but the choice really is yours to make.