Heheh, thanks. The boat wasn't all that cool when the "captain" (ie, the 18 yr old kid manning the tiller) couldn't get the motor started, and I had to chip in with the Dive Master to row us back to shore.

Do you have a job? I can't remember...

Ok, so maybe the boat wasnt that good, but it sounds like the memory still makes you smile. I am currently not working because I just finished up my chemo treatments a little over a month ago. I am an interior designer by trade and love it when people ask me to help them find that special place for their Velvet Elvis paintings. Ah...the good old days. It is a trade that doesnt pay well at all but it lets me work part time and on my schedule. Sometimes following your bliss has different rewards other than financial.

I look at my life sometimes and wonder how I got to this place. I have two seperate degrees and an eagerness to succeed. I thought I was married to my best friend and would be for the rest of my life. Then one day it all starts to fall apart...or so I thought at the time. First, its starts with the diagnosys of a chronic illness....but, hey, I am determined and will beat it anyway. Then my H starts to withdraw from me and become unsupportive....but, hey, this is just a phase, we will get through it. Oh, and then I start to feel REALLY sick, but this too shall pass and all will be well. Then, what???? Your leaving me, to be followed by....what do you mean I have cancer???? and then it ends with.... so how long has SHE been in the picture!

I look at these things as something I never would have asked for, let alone thought that I would have survived. By survive I did and I have even grown significantly in the process as well. I have learned that people can only do as much as they can do. As much anger as I have with OEO, I know one day I will let that go. He will still be the one walking around with his brokeness. He chose a bandade for his sorrows while I was forced to look mine face on. I have learned that listening to the birds chirp can make me smile and it doesnt matter if I never get to fulfill my dream of owning my own design firm....in fact, because of all of this my dreams have changed. A job doesnt make me who I am, I do. I rather be living and loving than replaying all of the wounds that have been inflicted upon me. Life is not fair, I get that. I just have to try and find as much positive in it anyway, because there is always something good that can come from any situation...even if it is the knowledge that I dont ever want to do THAT again.

idey - You have indeed suffered through more than a fair share of crapola. There's no denying that. The good news is that you came through your chemo treatments and you're alive. To that end, you've had remarkable success. I watched my sister go through it (and survive) and then a coworker's wife (she did not). In the meantime, life's other trials and tribs maintain their steady assault. Bad luck doesn't take a break during periods of misfortune.

You will survive this. To be honest, I used to hate it when others said that to me. I don't know why. Maybe because the idea of merely "surviving" still sounded so bleak. Would you want to survive a nuclear holocaust? Regardless, they were right. I survived and I'm thriving. I called that time in my life a "crucible", and I meant it. You might actually know this lesson better than me, given your illness.

I'm seriously going to ask you to reconsider relying on his income through alimony. Not only will it prevent him from providing a decent lifestyle for your son when they are together, it will also make you indefinitely reliant on him. As his income waxes and wanes, so will yours and you'll never truly be independent. He'll maintain and likely increase his resentment and state of conflict with you as time passes. He'll take every opportunity to wear you down and make you as miserable as possible.

Being able to work part time is nice a luxury, but not one that most people get to have. It's hard to be sympathetic on that issue. Also, I happen to believe that steady work brings a tremendous amount of self-satisfaction.

Just my thoughts. Worth every penny you paid.

Seabird, I appreciate your opinions and support. As far as the support issue is concerned, you and I are coming from 2 very different perspectives. I think your wanting me to forgo allimony might have to do with the feelings you have towards your exW. I'm just guessing here.

When my H and I first went to college, I worked a full time job while he worked a part time one. Towards the end of of college days, I had emplyment with a real company while he still worked in retail. After graduation, I was the bread winning of the family, bringing home significantly more money than him. He made career decisions that did not pay as well as the decisions that I made. I was the one who afforded our home, who paid off HIS student loan and credit cards, and it was because of me that there was a savings. I never resented that I was contributing more, after all it was for the good of our family.

We were married almost 9 years before our son was born. It was at this point that he finally caught up to me in the salary department. We made the decision that I should stay home for our son, so I left my job. When my son was 4 years old, I went back to school to follow my bliss instead of the paycheck. After all, H finally was making a good salary so now it was my turn to persue happiness. The next year my H's 94 yr old grandmother fell and broke her hip. She moved in with us and I became her care taker. So, there I was, taking care of our child, his grandmother, the house, the cooking, the laundry, the bills all while going to school. IT was during this period that I learned that I had a chronic illness and was trying every possible combination of medication to still do it all. Well, that didnt last for long.

When my H's grandmother turned 98, I was sick, had flunked out of my senior year of school and could not even hardly get out of bed. I begged him to have her moved to a nursing home. THe demisia had moved in and it was h#ll everyday. This is when he chose to seek out his OW. Grandma finally got moved into the nursing home, but by then I was unable to work more than part time anywhere. The physical damage had been done. And then the next kicker...the cancer.....hit me. Some how some way I made it through all on my own.

So Seabird, here is my point of view. I was the one who encouraged and supported my H time and time again so that he could get that 150,0000+ salary he is bringing in. He left me to go and live with his maggot who is earning around 45,000+. You suggest that I forego alimony and try and make it on my own. Even if I were in perfect health, the most I could make a year is 35,000. How is it ME taking from HIM when I am one of the main reasons he got to were he is at? I have our son 90% of the time...should my son live in a standard that is barely above squalor? How would it make him feel to walk into dad's house with all of the luxuries and then come back home to the teeny tiny 2 bedroom apartment we are barely able to afford? Not to mention the fact that there would have been savings and a 401k if his dad had not blown it on the OW in the last year and a half....gone, all of it. Yes, there are TIMES, and only TIMES that I can work part time. How will that ever suuport my son? Do I care if my H hates me forever...frankly I dont give a flying F at this point because you see, I already hate him forever. If he had been the one who had become sick I would have gladly taken care of him until his dying days. I would have done whatever it took to make things work.....he choice a different route. So, no, I am not going to let go of the alimony issue. It is so my son can continue to have somewhat of a decent life. Worse case senario for OEO is his dad still get 55% of his salary to pay just for him plus his girlfriends salary, while I get 45% to take care of me and our son.

Not trying to be negative, this is just something you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on.

idey - My perspective does come from a personal experience, but not w/re to my XW and I. It comes from being raised in a single parent household. My dad contributed NOTHING. No CS, and certainly no alimony. His ability to earn waxed and waned with the moon anyway. Unfortunately, my mom didn't have much in the way of marketable skills since she spent most of her time as a SAHM. She took a job as a cashier for a grocery store. At the time of her retirement, I don't think she ever made more that abotu $23K a year.

This story may make is seem like I'd be an advocate of spousal support or alimony, but the lesson I took from that was more about self-reliance and the ability to support a family on your own if need be.

I can totally appreciate and understand your anger and resentment. He's a turd, no doubt! I'm actually just thinking that you and your son would be better off if you can break free of him entirely.

Thank you for your kind words. I wish I could just break completely free of him.....right now, though, I cant. I dont have to do more than what the divorce degree ask of me though and I definately dont NOT have to talk to him...thank god for email.

I can appreciate the insight that you have grown up with. I am not wanting to rely on him forever, but for now I have to. Seabird, I truly do thank you for sharing your perspective.

idey - A couple of more questions...

1) Am I getting a polite brush-off? If so, that's fine. It doesn't bother me. There have been times that posters here approach me from an angle I'm not interested in talking about. Stuff I don't want to get into or discuss. I try to politely thank them for their time in an effort to conclude that line of thought. Kinda seems the same for me here. Again, if that's the case, I understand and won't hassle you anymore. Don't read on to questions 2 or 3.







2) Still reading? Okay... Do you really feel incapable of supporting yourself? Just no way that you can do it and maintain a decent (in your view) standard of living? Is that why you need the alimony?

3) Or do you feel entitled to it? I kind of got that impression when you discussed supporting him through school and his career advancement. And does it give some sense of satisfaction that he'll have to continue to support you, even in divorce? That it might make things difficult between him and the OW? That he won't be able to wine her and dine her and take care of her because he still has financial obligations to you?

You don't have to answer me. Consider those questions rhetorical. Something to think about on your own. Also, please believe me when I say that there's no judgment behind them. I don't think there are any wrong answers. Just honest ones and not so honest ones.

Good luck idey.

No Seabird, Im not brushing you off one bit. I do appreciate hearing a different point of view. As far as your questions:

2) Still reading? Okay... Do you really feel incapable of supporting yourself? Just no way that you can do it and maintain a decent (in your view) standard of living? Is that why you need the alimony?

Up until about 4 years ago I felt capable of supporting myself. I wasnt going to go into my "poor me" stuff, because I dont feel like that at all. We are given the lot we have and have to try and deal with it the best we can. I have narcolepsy.....yes, that very funny disease that you hear about where people spontaniousl fall asleep. Now, I dont have it nearly as bad as some of the people shown on tv, but lets just say it is its own form of h3ll non the less. I cant go more than a couple of hours with out having loss of muscle control in parts of my body, not to mention being fully alert one moment and then having a full blown dream while I am still awake the next moment. It is not condusive to having a job. I have tried several times only to have the situation become worse. It also cycles to some degree.....times it is very managable for about 6 months to then swinging to hardly able to function. As I get older it progressively gets worse. This is not about me wanting to maintane a high standard of living, this is about me wanting to live. As far as the standard of living I am hoping to achieve....I am only looking to get a 800 sqft 2 bedroom apartment that was built in the 1950's. I drive a beat up used car and currently walk around with holes in my shoes and safety pins in my bras. I do without so my son doesnt have to. I came from nothing so already know what it is like to live there, I just didnt want my kid to have to go through that same expirience. Unfortunately, he is starting to get a taste of it. I am not looking for a palace and an all expenses paid life. I just want to be able to give my son the bare necessities...clothes, a roof over his head, shoes, a winter coat, decent meals.


3) Or do you feel entitled to it? I kind of got that impression when you discussed supporting him through school and his career advancement.

I can also say that I do feel a bit of this as well. None of the other things though. There is no satisfaction in him supporting me and I dont look at this as a way to get payback. Frankly, he can chose to be with whom ever he wants at this point. I no longer care. That is for him to deal with. Here is the thing Seabird....I am not one of those I am woman hear me roar kind of people...but I am not a "who's gonna take care of poor little me" kind of person either. I am a pretty logical kind of person who looks at the facts. The facts are that men make more in the work place then women. When excutives in the 1950's wanted to groom someone for an exuctive position, they would hire a male to be their excutive secretary. THese where the people next in line for the promotion because they were learning the trade by helping the boss. Once women entered this field, the position became demoted along with the salary. Men traditionally used to be the bookkeepers in firms. It was a very well regaurded position with a nice salary...once again, when women starded to dominate that industry, yep, the salaries fell. Heck, lets even look at IT these days. In the early 1990's is was a VERY male dominated industry(I know, that is what I did back then). It was very easy to walk into a job with no college degree and just some computer certifications and get paid $75,000 a year in the help desk department. Now that women are starting to enter the field in higher numbers, you can start to see a division of the labor....the men get the higher positions of system/network support while the women tend to be place in the lesser help desk role. Am I bitter about this, no, it is what it is.

Now, here is a bit of proff of that. The last full time job I had was for a company working in their second tier of IT support. I got hired making a pretty good salary. I was even promotes while I was there and very well liked. I quit in order to raise my son. Two years later, my H went to work for that very same company, in the very same department, but 2 grade levels lower than I was. He did not have quite as much training or as many certifications that I had. His starting pay was almost $20,000 more than when I left. Once he was promoted up into upper management level, it was made know that the men were paid more because the bosses figured they were the ones really supporting the family, not the women. Wrong....absolutely, but that IS the way many still think in this day and age. THere are many many other historical examples that I could pull up supporting the "men make more" theme, but I wont bore you with my soapbox.

So, even if I did go and get a full time job back in the same industry he is in (which I cant anymore, too obsolete besides my illness) the chances of me having the same earning potential as him are slim. I am not looking to screw him or take all I can take....I am looking for him to still provide to HIS son the best lifestyle possible. Ultimately that would have occured if we stayed together, but since we are not, OEO should have to pay. You talk about my H harboring resentment against me if I do get alimony. WHat about the resent our son would have for his dad if I didnt? The anger he would carry knowing he no longer was living in a safe neighborhood, but his dad still gets to be in that mansion. The resentment that he has to make do with less time and time again, but hey dad got to go and get that new shiny car and that wonderrful trip to Europe. No, I dont feel bad one bit for expecting him to help contribute to the family he threw away.

idey - Like I said, I'm not trying to make judgments on your reasons and rationale. My questions aren't necessarily about justification. I might have asked better ones. Again, my intent is to get you to really examine your own thought process. Not that it's bad now, but self-discovery the first step to personal recovery IMO. At least that's how it worked for me.

I appreciate your candor and your responses make your situation more more clear to me. I'm not familiar with narcolepsy except for what I've read about casually and seen on TV. I've never witnessed it personally. It sounds rather debilitating.

I'm also in the IT field. BTDT for about 14 years now. I've seen the changes myself and some of my experiences reflect yours, though I don't have the same perspective. I've worked for two women directly and had dotted lines to several more. As an aside, I think the drop in salaries for 1st and 2nd level support roles have more to do with employee saturation. A LOT of people started hearing about those great jobs in the upper 5 and lower 6 figures, and all you needed was an MCSE or CCNE. Most university CIS and MIS degrees focused on development, and there was a dearth of good server HW and end user support and maintenance techs. Not saying you're wrong or that I disagree with you. Just that I have a different take on how our world has evolved.

That said, I can appreciate the difficulty of trying to break back into a dynamic field. It's very much, use it or lose it, and if your skillset has become obsolete, then you're done.

Now, what I hear about you expecting him to maintain his obligations to your son... Perhaps this is where I should get a two-by-four to my own head. I was assuming (a BIG mistake), that you're getting child support. In my state, that is something different and separate from alimony or spousal support. It's a hard calculation based on income and the number of kids. Roughly 29% of my income goes to CS. It's a pretty good chunk and meets well OVER half of my kids' monthly expenses (including the school). This money is part of statutory law. There is no negotiation unless my XW up and decided that I shouldn't have to pay so much and agrees to get it recalculated by the state.

The CS is intended only for the child. It shouldn't go to support the XW at all. Does she use the left-over money for her own needs? I'm sure she does. I asked her point blank and she turned her back on me and stated that she wouldn't discuss money issues with me anymore.

Are you getting alimony in lieu CS? Or both? Because your last statement makes it sound much like what I pay in CS. In support of your son - yes, this I understand. As for resentment from your son over money... Would he not take care of and meet your son's needs regardless? I understand that neglecting family is typical Wayward behavior. Is that what he's doing now.

I've been in your son's shoes. I know what that's like. His dad will pay for those mistakes separately. Take my word for it. But yes, I do believe his dad should still be responsible for his well-being.

<Sigh> OEO really knows what buttons to push to really upset me. As I have stated, he is trying everything he can to drain all funds so that the house will go into foreclosure. I guess I am going to have to get temp support orders after all. So, this weekend was his monthly weekend with our S. As I have stated before, I no longer want him in the house so told him I was not going to leave. This is the second month that he has had his visitation at a hotel. Last month he managed to go to a Days Inn that had an indoor pool, indoor play ground and an all you can eat breakfast for 59.99 a night. This time, to be spiteful, he checks into a hotel that is over $200.00 a NIGHT!

I couldnt let it go. I sent him an email even though I know it will do nothing what so ever. I rarely ever send him emails or respond to his. I went off on the fact that most of the pants our son owns has holes in the knees, his shirts are too small, he needs socks and winter gloves. The heater that controls the heat for his/my room has been broken since this summer and we wake up painfully cold. This has also caused the pipes to freeze and numerous plumbing issues (thank god I have learned to become handy). How could someone who was once a good man turn into this dispicable person???? While our son has so many needs that go unmet, OEO is going out with his maggot to bars, resturaunts, comedy clubs and wine tastings! Talk about father of the year.

When faced with finacial ruin it's time to lawyer up.

Road, while a appreciate that you made an effort to reply to my post, if you would have actually taken the time to read my situation, you would see that I have "lawyered up". I dont mean to come of as harsh or negative because I truly am thankful when others lend me support and advice, I just wish that if someone were going to post they would make an effort to understand the situation they were posting about.

<RANT>

This has nothing to do with you Road just something that I noticed that has been bothering me. I have noticed many times when a poor wounded soul has come to this sight begging for advice or help, instead of recieving a symptatic ear, they get lackluster support. Dont get me wrong, not everyone post this way, just some...but it is the some that truly bother me. I dont know how many threads I have read where a situation arises and the poster doesnt know what to do and gets this for a reply "You need to do Plan A" and that is it. Period. Nothing else. How is that being helpful to that individual? Oh and then I love it when a poster finally goes dark and they need advice on their situation and get this "I thought you were in plan B". How does that help? Where is the encouragement in that?

It just angers me to no end when there is no effort made to help another. Why even post if you dont understand the situation? Sure, read it if you want to, but leave the useless comments off. THere have been so many here who have made it through the heartbreaking distruction that their LBSs have put them through. THey got there from the kindness and help of others who went through it before them. THey were shown the possible pitfalls that this journey has, and when they did fall, those kind people where there to help pick them back up. To those fly by posters - Dont you think that the compassion that was once shown to you should be bestowed upon the newbies here. I am not talking about myself becasue I have been on this journey for a little while, I just came wanting to know how to have the most peaceful (for me) D possible. I am talking about those people who just started, the ones so broken by the news of the WAS that they are still lying on the floor wondering how they will ever survive. We have all been there and survived. Maybe we can show them how to do it instead of dropping a line or two.

I think the majority of people who come here do so out of desperation. They are grasping at any straw to save their M and hope that maybe they can get the "cure" here. There are no balck and white answers to these problems, just veriations of expierences that other have gone through. What worked for one will not work for another. And yet time and time again, there are those posters who spout out the Harley's work as if it were gosspel with no flexiblitiy. Each person who post is unique, therefor each situation unique. Shouldnt those who decided to post on their threads at least take the time to see what is actually happening in that person's life before handing out advice?

This is frusteration left over from my GQ thread. Time and time again I went asking for a bit of advice on a situation that was occuring to only get the one line responces. I saw it on other's threads as well. It made me sad that those people were not getting the support they so desperately came here to recieve. I have been fortunate enough to have had some wonderful support and advice. I try and help a few people here and there as much as I can because someone was kind enough to do that for me. Rant over.

Seabird, I saw you posted this on another thread:


I too am looking to have this clause installed. My L said it wouldnt be a problem but that it really doesnt mean anything. He told me that I OEO decides to have a woman spend the night, it really isnt going to affect custody. So, my question is, if your wife were to have a man start to stay over, does this clause really do anything to prevent it or force any kind of recourse? Just wondering if I should even go through with the effort to have it if it doesnt really mean anything. Thanks

Like any other part of the decree, a slip here or there probably won't result in much. Once, after Hurricane Ike hit, and most of the city was out of power for nearly two weeks, the XW had a male "friend" stay over at her house one night when the kids were there. She already got power and water back. I think she had dated the guy for a bit earlier in the summer, and then became just friends. I don't know how serious they got. At least that's the story I heard and it's the impression the kids have now. She assured me that he'd sleep on the couch. I let it go.

My daughter confirmed to me that her mother's "friend" slept on the couch. Whether he did or not makes no difference to me. What's important is that my daughter believes he did.

A couple of months ago, my GF was over and she fell asleep on the couch while we were watching a movie. My kids were already in bed. I had her stay the night in my bed, and I crawled into bed with my daughter. I was very O&H about this with the XW the next day. I didn't want her finding out from the kids 2 weeks later in casual conversation that Jill (my GF) stayed the night, and simply assuming things. She thanked me for letting her know, and asked for a reassurance that it wouldn't be a regular thing. I told her it would not be and reminded her that I was the one who insisted on the rule. At the time, she objected to it. I think she suspected back then that I was trying to control her - even post-divorce. The truth is, at the time I was still suspicious of an affair. This was my hedge against her quickly bringing a possible A partner into my kids' lives.

As far as I'm concerned, it's the spirit of the rule that's important - not the letter. Neither the XW nor I want the kids to see adult sleepovers as normal or common. My kids were very clear that Jill (my GF) slept alone.

Where I think we could get into legal trouble is repeatedly breaking this rule. It shows a pattern of behavior that some courts can view as detrimental to children. Texas is typically more hostile to this kind of thing than some other states. That's why I said it depends on your state and your court. If my XW had a man move in with her, or brought home a different one every other week to stay the night, I'd have very good recourse to have the custody changed.

Thanks Seabird. As always I appreciate you open and honest response. I am the one insisting on it as well because WAH is living with his OW. I dont want my son exposed to her yet (never honestly but I cant control that) so that he can heal a bit more from the D. Your perspective help shine a little more light onto the clause and how it maight help protect my son if I had to use it.

Unless you're in a state with very, um... I dunno how to phrase this the best way... Very progressive ideas w/re to family law, I'd have to think that the courts would take a pretty dim view of forcing your son to be exposed to a live-in arrangement between your XH and this OW who helped bring about the end to the marriage.

To give you an idea of how seriously they take it here, I'll give you an example...

I have a friend who divorced his first wife soon after the birth of their only daughter. When the daughter was only a few months old, she told him she was leaving. He found out that she had been in an on-going affair while pregnant with -his- daughter. And no, I don't know how he knows the daughter is even his. I assume he had her tested, but frankly I was never comfortable enough to ask.

Anyway, he fought for primary custody. Again, because Texas is so old-fashioned, primary always defaults to the mom. Except in this case... Based on her own history and behavior, my friend won custody. Having his XWW's own mother testify against her as a character witness helped his case as well.

I just need a place to let this out right now. I know I cant change the situation and crying over isnt going to fix it either. Still, part of me wants to ball my hands in a fist, stomp my feet and scream "No fair! No Fair!"

OEO pulled his paycheck. I knew it was a matter of time before he did it, but that doesnt lessen the anger whe it actually happend. My L called and talked to me about money. OEO is offering me what amounts to $300 less than what I need to even cover the utilites. He has said he would be responsible for the house payment as well. My L said that when you add it up it is 70% of OEO's salary and a judge would not give me that much. I told my L that if he is going to get credit for the house payment as part of support, then I want that money coming to me so I can make the payment. Here is the thing, OEO has no intension of making the house payment. He is going to stash that money aside along with the $1500 extra a month he will have and I am going to trying to keep my son fed and the utilites on. OEO let ALL of the utilites get so far behind that I now have 2 weeks to catch them all up or they will get disconnected. The gas bill is over $1000 behind alone. So, how am I going to pay these things when he has pulled the money??!!??

Then to top it off he sends me an email telling me how I am being a bad mother. I had a talk with my son about how we were going to have to cancel cable tv and the internet. My son didnt understand why (he is 9 1/2). I made a simple graph showing what is needed to live in a house....gas, electric, water, sewer, trash...and that right now money is really tight and we need to make sure these things are paid. In order to do that, we were going to have to cut back even further right now, but after the house sold and we get an apartment, then he could have those things again. Nothing too detailed, just a simple explination as to why he cant have things right now. I believe if he is old enough to ask the question, then he truly wants some kind of explination and I gave him one that was very age appropriate. I did not say "We can have these things because your dad took all of the money and now I am wondering how to make it when there isnt enough to pay for the utilities, let alone food and clothes for you." So, in the email I am accused of being a bad mother because I brought our son into our financial discussion and put unessary pressure on him. He deserves to be a kid and I am taking that away from him.....um, no, I'm not. You did that when you packed up and torn this family apart to chase your selfish dream of living with your maggot (for free I might add). You took it away when you left me to deal with cancer on my own and our son saw me day after day vomiting up blood and too weak to do much, and yet I was able to make it through. You did that when you placed our son in the middle by forcing him to come back into the house Tuesday night and want to know why it is that dad cant have his visitation in the home, even though your lawyer already informed you that you are no longer permitted inside. <sigh> Guess he still just needs me to be the bad guy. Heaven forbid he actually take some responsibility.

When does this end?????

{{{idey}}}

fwiw, send your WH's comment to your lawyer, ok? He can staple it to the paperwork showing how you haven't enough income to buy groceries, let alone pay for cable, now that WH pulled his paycheck.

I guess I need to be thankful that I have a good L, even though he is costing me an arm and a leg. He is putting a hold on OEO's bonus check so that he cant get it until ALL of the utilities are paid up to date and ALL repairs to the house are completed and then whatever is left over will get divided in half. He is also putting the pressure on OEO's L to get some money to me. I am taking with him tomorrow and he is going to fill me in on everything. He also wants the 4 of us to sit down and just get this D negotiated and over with. He said that if the meeting goes well I could be completely D 30 days later. Yeah. Never thought I would be happy about the ending of my M. I still find it very sad that my H turned into this awful person, but he is the one who will have to continue to look himself in the mirror. Thank god I believe in Karma because I truly believe he is going to get smack hard one day.......