Hi everyone,
I've been here before, but not for a while. Short story of my life: I found out my husband has been cheating on me since 6 days after we were married, probably before(see my threads), I believe him to be a sex addict, we are not living together due to him being in the service, he is moving back with me in March. We have been having so many problems and fight almost non-stop. I am having a really hard time with the infidelity, I don't believe that he ever loved me, and I am beginning to feel that I do not love him. Last night we had the biggest argument we've ever had, and I was ready to call my new landlord and tell her I cannot take the apartment I got for us for when he moves home; only thing is, I have signed the lease, and my mother has as well (we needed a cosigner because we both do not make a lot, and H will not have a job when he returns home).
The start of the argument was my being "negative" all the time and not "just getting over this." I am trying to move on(it's been three months since I found out!), but I am having a lot of trouble with it and I was hoping when he returned home, counseling would be our best shot. Well, now he is refusing counseling, saying we can do it ourselves, he says he is no longer a SA, and I am heartbroken again, I think that counseling was our only hope. I feel he is manipulating me, because I said I don't think we will make it without counseling and he doesn't seem to care. I feel that I gave up so much for him, I don't have a good job because I was back and forth between the west coast(for him) and the east coast(where I am from), I have no savings(because of his spending habits) and I would have to live home with my parents if we decided to divorce. There is no jobs obviously, so I probably would not be able to live on my own for a while. I feel I have made 10 steps back because of him. I am at my breaking point and he is just non-caring about the whole situation. Said he doesn't want to be the "girl" anymore, that he is wearing the pants. Whatever that means.
Someone tell me, I am absolutely crazy to be staying with this guy? I never felt so much anger at a person. I know in my heart that this is not normal, and I feel that I will reach a point where I KNOW I don't love him. I feel that I am between a rock and a hard place, and he's put me here before, whether it be about family or my friends, he seems to manipulate situations in his favor.
He does have PTSD from the war, and is a child of abuse, and he does have a lot of issues, but he is so resistant to see he needs help, he pretends he can fix himself. I just don't know, I am miserable with him being away, things are a little better when we are together. A lot less fighting. But I really don't see us making it out the year. I'm not really sure how much anyone can help, I know I need to just make some decisions, but I do love him, and I did want things to work, or at least TRY to make them work, but I feel like he is going to come home and I will slip into a shell and ride it out until my situation(meaning my life, money job) gets better. Im sorry for the long post. If anyone can help, or give me some wise words, please do so....
