Imagine,

In the situation I'm in, plan A was useless - Jen had recommended a modified plan B a couple of months ago where I just discuss the kids and business with her.

However, HUGE news tonight. I received the following email this afternoon from WW:

Negotiate if you would simply call this can be done in 10 minutes. max. How about this call me and I will most likely sign anything at this point. I have no money no where to go, not farm no apt, nothing. and no one to turn to , yes I said No one. Are you happy now?



DSIL, DMIL and Godfather and everyone is not help nor even calling me. Thanks to you and DSIL.


White flag you win- Call me and I’ll sign anything .

DSIL called me as well to say WW called her in tears and said OM left her and was blaming me and DSIL for him leaving. I told DSIL I can't let the divorce through. Those are my thoughts. I broke down in tears on the way home from where I was eating dinner.

This is very, very good news. If we can convince WW to move in with MIL, it will give her time to defog in a safe environment with fans of what is best for the two of us. Right now, I don't know what the path is before me. All I know, if OM is truly out of the picture, it is time for plan A, plan A, and some more plan A.

My love bank is not empty. Like our real finances, there's still a couple of dollars left. I still need to keep the WW love bank account open for the time being, I will never be able to look at DD3 and DS6 if I didn't remain open to reconcilliation while waiting for her to withdraw and the fog to clear.

Brad

This will be one of the greatest love stories I have ever heard if you can reconcile. To give everything for her. To be so betrayed, so violated, and yet to love her still. Amazing! I hope and pray for that.

I hope this is the beginning of the end of her fog.

Of course, she blames you, but perhaps she'll see things differently as time goes on.

Just be cautious.

I hope so too. I'm going to lay low for a day or so and see what her actions are.

Ever since I first read your thread, I've been waiting to see this post from you. I'm really hoping she can de-fog, and I'm so happy to see you still have some love left for her. She will really need it, because she is going to be demolished when she de-fogs and realizes what she has done.

Be cautious right now... but be compassionate.

All the best

I hope you and your ILs will continue to track that POS. Lets hope he thinks its to hot around there.

If I read this right she is asking you to call her to arrange a place/time for her to finally sign the sale agreement for the house. Go ahead and call her...you never know where the call will lead to!! Worse case you can always hang up.

Brad I guess its as many of us said would happen... she is hitting the basement at speed.

Now is the time to play it cool. No sudden burst of well meaning compassion to let her into YOUR current home. Now is the time to speak to Jennifer again and get a PLAN together.

She is going to go through a hard time and she has some more crashing to do yet.

She has to see the OM for what he is
she has to see what she has done

just as starters.

You may need to step up for your kids they deserve to have one stable parent around them now... your wife is not. Perhaps just an extension of the sharing deal while she goes through this period.

by the way YOU will be blamed for a whole lot even more than before.. don't be surprised.

How long she takes to go through all this is unknown but its probably going to be messy.

you are doing very well

I pray it will indeed work out in the long run.... at the very least you will know you did everything a man could have done.

AW

Hear, hear.

Remember she has not lost love for OM.

I sent her the following email this morning:

Do you want to go to the kid's last swimming lesson tommorow night at 6:45? Daddy and the kids would love to have mommy there to watch them.

PSUBIKER

Tread slow and careful.

"Negotiate if you would simply call this can be done in 10 minutes. max. How about this call me and I will most likely sign anything at this point. I have no money no where to go, not farm no apt, nothing. and no one to turn to , yes I said No one. Are you happy now?"

Instead of asking WW to meet at the pool, which did nothing.
Email her with what do you want.

"WW called her in tears and said OM left her and was blaming me"

Then ask WW why is she blaming you for the OM leaving her. It was her choice to leave you, a man willing to support her. Why did the OM dump you, you were his soul mate. What did you do to him to refuse to support you? Why does the OM refuse to hold a job? Is it the OM refuses to pay CS?

"If we can convince WW to move in with MIL, it will give her time to defog in a safe environment with fans of what is best for the two of us. Right now, I don't know what the path is before me. All I know, if OM is truly out of the picture, it is time for plan A, plan A, and some more plan A."

As long as you are not in a hurry to plan A with your wallet or home.

No SF until many things are in place o verify NC and STD tests are done.

"I will never be able to look at DD3 and DS6 if I didn't remain open to reconcilliation while waiting for her to withdraw and the fog to clear."

I for recovery, just don't let her back in without the necessary work.

Take it easy with the mommy and daddy and stuff. Your biggest issue is going to be trying to hold back on the R until she is ready. She has to grieve the OM scumbag and then compare you to him in a positive way. Her family are going to be your biggest advocates. All you have to do is keep a lid on needing her back so desperately. This will be your greatest challenge. Which is amazing to me. It does not sound like forgiveness will be the issue. When the fog lifts, and she sees all the things that she did to you, it could send her over the edge. Try to stay cool.

Worth committing to memory:

Yep, I agree.

You need to be very careful, and very meticulous here. You are going to find that Plan A and Plan B are MUCH, MUCH easier than any reconciliation attempt. If it is even possible!

Tread lightly, and maintain course and speed. She is free falling and is probably not in control right now. As she looks around, she should see the same old BH, consistent and taking care of business.

You need to let things settle in with her over the next few days to maybe even a week or two. See which way she heads once she gains a little control. Dont push her one way or another. Just maintain your current direction and watch.

Once you see which way she goes next, it will tell you what to do.

WW and I just had a phone conversation. She is agreeing to sell the house and we arrived at an agreement on an equity split on the house.

We talked a little more, I did not mention anything about OM - I'll let others get that info for me unless she wants to divulge it at this time.

She's going to try and come to the swim lesson - we have some business things we need to take care of as well.

I tried to mention to her about staying at her mother's - she is VERY angry at her mother. She feels MIL stabbed her in the back by not accepting her affair. That's normal. She also wants SIL to stay out of things as well. She didn't seem as angry at SIL. Throughout all this I let SIL and MIL take care of the AO and DJ's.

SHe gave up A LOT of information - she was trying to liquidate her retirement accounts to get cash but since the divorce was filed, there was a freeze on them. I asked her where she was going and there are a couple of places she's looking at. But, when she starting throwing around numbers, she's still going to be in a financial pickle no matter what.

One thing I did a few days ago was ask a collegue of mine to give me an estimate on keeping DS6 and DD3 ponies at their place. It was very reasonable price. I told WW this during our conversation and she wants me to have the guy call her - I can tell she liked that I did that. I told her I did it so she could have some options.

I'm going to call MIL and SIL today and ask that they just be compasionate with her. No sense on beating her up today.

This is good news. But again, this is going to take time. Do not be in too much of a hurry to make things easy for her. She KNOWS where you are, and she KNOWS that you love her.

She is going to have to face the consequences of what she has done. I know it will be hard to watch...but you really have no choice.

Let this ride out. Dont offer up too much. Just be there and take care of those kids. It is the steady, FIRM hand that will attract her back.

What has happened to OM? Is he nearby?

I couldn't agree more with what everybody is saying to you. It is incredibly important that you take your time and let the free-fall continue to the end. There will be a few 'bounces'. She is going to be angry, blame you for things, stuff that is completely unreasonable but she is still in the fog and will be for a while yet.

Ok....listen up closely to this one piece of advice. DO NOT BECOME A DOORMAT at this point. I can already sense a neediness or clinginess coming out from your posts. I'm afraid that she will not respect you at all long term if you do not force her to address her own personal issues and ask for your forgiveness.

You can ignore my post if you like but if you become a doormat at this point in the process I believe your chances of recovery are zero.

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