I have been married for 4 1/2 years and this is my second marriage. My wife and I have had problems for several years. We don't have kids together. She has been talking to her ex since Oct. of 2007. My wife is 30 yrs old and has M.S. In Jan. of 2008 her parents and I convinced her to go to detox for abusing pain pills and on top of that she is a nurse. She was out after 4 days. I now know this is the reason we filed bankruptcy and lost our house because she was handling the finances. She had been taking pills for 3 years before we knew. Anyway she decided to separate in Dec.2008 and got an apartment with her girlfriend. She kept saying before she moved that we would try to work it out and start over. And at first things were ok but I called the ex because I knew she was still talking to him, and calmly talked to him. She found out within the hour and was texting me that we were through. I kind of lost it and texted her back wondering what was going on. I then called her parents and let them know that she was still abusing pain pills as of last year. My wife was livid and she hasn't talked to me much since then. I asked if she has talked to an attorney and she said not yet. The ex lives 600 miles away and is a pilot. His wife just recently left him partially due to my wife and him talking.
I wasn't the most understanding husband especially with her M.S. and I was grumpy and unhappy with myself mostly. So I'm sure I contributed to this quite a bit but I still love her and want this marriage to work. Was hoping someone had some advice.

Wow. Sorry to hear that. If his wife left him because they were talking she might know something or see signs. I wonder if you should talk to her. You will not get the whole story second hand. Key pieces will be left out. Dont blame yourself 100%. It takes two people to let things get this bad. If she is having a bad day you can expect to be grumpy. It is the order of things. Both of you have to see the light and be enlightened for it to work. It doesnt sound like she is though. Dont panick and do anything cause it will make things worse. Keep calm and listen to all the info you get. Not just info from her either. His wife leaving him isnt a good sign. She might be your only hope of learning cause everyone else will probably lie for her. The one person that wont might be the guys wife. My ex's family had the nerve to tell me she wouldnt have an affair cause she wasnt raised that way.

Steve,

I appreciate your advice. I have thought about calling his wife or ex whichever it is. I believe I can track down her number. She had tried to get a hold of me last year several times according to my wife(i had a business with my wifes brother and she left me a message on business phone). At that time I didn't think I should talk to her. And I realize it takes two to make or break a marriage but I wish I had seen the light a little earlier. I knew things weren't good way before all this happened within the last year and a half. But I didn't do anything about it. I was hoping it would fix itself I suppose. I'm trying to give her space and time and I do good for a while but then I mess up occassionally too. Anyway thanks again.

Lance

Hi Lance-

Welcome to MB. There's lots of information on this site that can help you. I would encourage you to post this on General Questions II as there is more traffic there (although week-ends can be slow) and the vets on the site can help you with suggestions, advice, insights, etc.

If you haven't done this yet, read the links on the side of the site-starting with Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts like the Love Bank and Emotional Needs. That will give you some idea about the dynamics in your M before your W left you.

You also might want to stop at "Just Found Out" to find out about the acronyms used and other things about navigating the forums.