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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161 |
My story,
I have been separated for 7 months, married for 4 1/2 years, no children together, 3 children between us and all out of the house on their own. He left 7 months ago, stating that he no longer wanted to be married. but we have had conversations where we were talking about taking it slow. there has not been any effort oh his part. As of 2 weeks ago, I have decided to not continue the game. after a week of no contact he called and ask for some paperwork, I did not return the call until this morning and told him, I could give him the information over the phone. We I returned home to give him the information he did not answer his phone.
Any suggestions?
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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First you have to start it.
Plan B means NC. Separating is not a plan B when there is still contact.
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
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Posts: 161 |
I get it, absolutely no contact, no return calls, do nothing, until he comes around or move on.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
sonshine, are you familiar with Plan B? It is a complete separation that begins with a LETTER outlining his path back. Any contact would need to be conducted through a designated intermediary.
Which Marriage Builders books have you read so far?
Why did your H leave?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161 |
i have begin to read(his needs her needs). I seem to be all over the place. I do need direction. he left when i ask him about our cell phone bill, with repeated contact with a specific number. he left the next morning. with no contact for several days to say that he was not coming back and to change the accounts into my name.
I will look up plan B again and write the letter. does the plan have an example of the letter.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
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Hi Sunshine,
Do get a copy of "Surviving an Affair" Dr Harley. This is the MB sit manual.
In the meantime: Read now the copy of Mark 1952 "Troubleshooting and repair manual". This is a very quick guide of Marriage maintenance.
If you have any money to spare, contact Jen or Steve at the Marriage builders site.
Sorry that it took you so long to pick the right button. Hope we can help.
All the articles from marriage building site are at the top the page in the red column. Press on Q&A and start reading (all free).
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
i have begin to read(his needs her needs). I seem to be all over the place. I do need direction. he left when i ask him about our cell phone bill, with repeated contact with a specific number. he left the next morning. with no contact for several days to say that he was not coming back and to change the accounts into my name.
I will look up plan B again and write the letter. does the plan have an example of the letter. SS, I would suggest getting Surviving and Affair and reading up on Plan B before you do it. The point of plan B is not to manipulate your H into doing something, but to remove yourself from his abuse. It gives him a path back to the marriage and if he doesn't do those things within 2 years, you would probably want to move onto divorce. Two years is the maximum, but you might not want to wait that long to just move on. It is all up to you. But if he doesn't agree to your conditions within 2 years and come back, then it is unlikely that he EVER will. You can order Surviving an Affair from the bookstore link on this forum. They sell the books pretty cheap with fast, cheap shipping.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
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thank you for the information, I have the book: Surviving the Affair, and will look at plan b. while in the fog, men do act like they have lost their minds. Just take of myself and in order to do that, I have to move on. And when that times comes for his possible return, depending on where he is, and where I am will determine if reconciliation will happen. I want to save my marriage, but it takes two, right now, it is just me.
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 161
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I don't mean to confuse anyone, I am now under: I WANT TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE: just to follow along. I am now understanding how the forum works. Thanks for the advice.
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