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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions How can a BS comfort a WS durimg a trigger?

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How can a BS comfort a WS durimg a trigger? #2208661 02/08/09 01:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 443 M MutedSparkle OP Member
OP MutedSparkle Member M Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 443	I saw a post in the opposite direction earlier and wanted to ask that same question but from my perspective. I have anxiety triggers that stem from my A's as well as other things. Seeing certain places, hearing certain songs and other things that are completely out of my control (movies, TV, things our friends talk about etc.). My H can tell when I get bothered but I don't know how to approach it. He wants to comfort me but I can't just come out and say what exactly is bothering me. It is so very awkward and in the end most times, I'll just internalize it because I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have. I am consumed with guilt and remorse enough as it is and don't want to add to his grief.

Re: How can a BS comfort a WS durimg a trigger? MutedSparkle #2208675 02/08/09 02:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by MutedSparkle I'll just internalize it because I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have. I am consumed with guilt and remorse enough as it is and don't want to add to his grief. I think that speaking about it gives it more life, which doesn't help. It also triggers HIM and causes him MORE GRIEF which only delays recovery. That negatively effects you both. My suggestion would be to train your mind to shift to more productive thoughts instead of entertaining those thoughts. For example, have some replacement thoughts about productive things at the ready. After awhile you will have trained your mind to reject bad thoughts in favor of productive thoughts. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: How can a BS comfort a WS durimg a trigger? MelodyLane #2208681 02/08/09 02:31 PM
Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 443 M MutedSparkle OP Member
OP MutedSparkle Member M Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 443	That's what I was afraid of. I have girlfriends that I can offload to, but even that gets kinda touchy. I hated the person that I became during the A's. So selfish and self-absorbed....I lost so much time and life that I will never, ever get back. I know that my H forgives me and that means so much. I hope that my children can also. They're young, but I do know that it has affected them. My 5yr old in particular has only seen the worst of me. Makes me sick inside! On a lighter note, I just saw the total number of your posts and actually had to put my glasses on to make sure that I read it right! Good GOSH, girl!!!!! Do you live here?!?!

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