When does this misery end? My affair was w/ my pastor. Yesterday, he was pulled from the church, lost his job, house, insurance, .<BR>People are already starting to blame me. Naturally, I don't go there anymore but still live in the community. Fortunately, he gets to pack up and move somewhere else while I'm left to be the town "harlot".<P>My husband is still hurting terribly. I'm wrecked w/ guilt and shame. He's getting an apartment and moving out for a while. <P>I also had to tell my dad everything last night. That was very painful but I did not want him to hear it from someone else. <P>I've created and terrible mess and hurt so many innocent people. I never imagined the horrible destruction that this would cause.

Welcome Ann, glad you're here.<BR>It will be a bumpy road- you are willing to work on it fine. Read as many posts, books and email as much as possible.<P>You are in a good place- if my marriage does not survive, at least having others here will have been of good help.

Ann<BR>WOW that is some story. You may not get a LOT of sympathy on this one. You play, you pay, I guess. There are always consequences. You both knew what you were doing. You just didn't have any idea that the consequences would be so rough. You took a chance and you both lost. What can I say? Been there and done that (but not with my pastor).<P>However, I do know how Christians can fall (I am one) and I do know what a deceiver and liar Satan is. We just believe the lies, we turn our backs on everything that is good and right in our lives. We pretend that God isn't looking. <P>Will it ever end? Probably not. But as time goes on, things do get better. You will always have that reputation though. As long as you stay in that town, everybody will always associate you with the affair.<P>I worked very closely for my pastor for four years, and while there was no sexual attraction, we became very close friends. He confided in me quite a bit. I saw how lonely he was and how "on stage" he always had to be. It's a tough job. Pastors don't have too many friends. I honestly can understand how it happened (I think) but I'm afraid there is nothing I can say to make it better.<P>Keep in touch if you want to.

Ann - While it doesn't seem like it now, you can at least be grateful for your husband's sake that the pastor is gone. When the op remains in your lives the pain just intensifies over time for the betrayed.

I know that I must sound like a huge hypocrite. The devil is a liar! We've both lost everything. I am still a Christian and am praying that God will stay w/ me as I pay for the "consequences of my sin". My husband doesn't really believe the same way I do and considers it all to be silly. <P>In a way, I wish the affair had just died it's natural death and no one ever had to find out. I could handle being the only one who had to pay for all of this mess.<P>

AnnR,<P>For some reason I feel compelled to respond to your post. While this is a very horrible experience, you should also recognize that your betrayal of your H is very much like many others on this board. What I am saying is that there are many here that have been where you are and where your H is. They can give you some very helpful advice.<P>You have not provided any information as to the time line for this. For example, how long has your H known about the affair? How long was the affair? How was it ended or was the dismissal the ending? There are more. However, as most can tell you while the details differ, the steps that people go through are amazingly similar.<P>Where are you in all of this. Obviously, sorry it came to this but what are your feeling for your H? Do you have children to deal with? This information will also help the people here give you whatever advice you need.<P>Most of all I want to say hang in there. There are people on this board who have worked out of deeper holes than your are in so if you want it to work have patience, hope, and learn.<P>Good Luck and God Bless You

AnnR - Welcome. There are a lot of people here to help you through your recoveries - both for yourself and hopefully for your marriage.<P>This is a tough place to be in, but you have begun the journey. It's ok. That's a good start.<P>Lori

The affair lasted about eight months. It was physical for about four months. It ended when we got caught. Haven't really talked w/ the other guy since then. He is in such hot water that it would be foolish for him to ever speak to me. I really don't want to talk w/ him either. <P>My husband has known for about a month. He found an email to a friend. <P>I do still love my husband very much. I just don't know what to do to help him w/ this. Plus, he doesn't want me to help him. All he wants is to be away from me. <P>I want to go forward but he's not ready yet.

AnnR,<P>There are many who will give good advice. In looking at your past posts several I believe some have suggested some books to read. Sound like a place to start especially if H is out of the house.<P>I have to say that H will have a hard time with among other things is how could you "love him very much" and do this? Do you have any idea why this happened? You will need to understand this whole thing yourself at least as best you can so that you can at least tell H what happened as best you understand it. <P>You said your H travels. This will really play into the mistrust aspects of things. You must be consistent and show him love when you can. I believe that most will recommend Plan A for as long as you can do it.<P>I also expect that you will be hearing from OM. He has nothing to lose now. You still do. Please avoid him and any contact. I know you will feel guilty about his ministry going down the drain, but you have children and an H to think of now. You may think you have lost everything but you have not yet. <P>The OM was not thinking about your family before and will not now. You obviously weren't either but you still have an opportunity to make this work.<P>Good Luck and God Bless You and Your Family

AnnR -- To answer you post it one sentence . . . YES, it does get better. I think I told you in one of your other posts that this is a long hard road. It is worth it though. Hang in there.<P>God Bless

Ann,<P>Welcome. Although I didn't have a physical affair with the minister, I did have what my H and I consider to be an emotional one. I was the church secretary and when the pastor started saying "I love you" on a daily basis, I assumed that he meant in a Christian way. Stupid me.<P>It ended a year later, after he'd cornered me in the supply closet and finally on one fateful day exposed himself to me. How disguisting. Plus, I never told because I was confused and thought it was my fault. Also, I honestly still thought that maybe I wasn't seeing things right, maybe he was just being friendly. <P>Best wishes as you continue to rebuild your marriage. It's a hard road. <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>