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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22 |
Last Monday, my WW moved out without saying by to me or the kids. She left with her uncle/lover? and is now living in GA. She says our marriage is over and does not want to try anymore. I live in Mich with our 3 kids - DD17, DS15 and DD14. Unconfirmed Affair has been exposed and they are feeling the heat from many sides. She said she will get a job there and help with bills.
How do I proceed? I want to go Plan B or Tough Love and have as little contact as possible. Plan A is just too painful. Please provide some insight.
Thank You.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
Member
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Member
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632 |
valley_0
I just wanted to say welcolm to MB board, aplace where no one wanted to end up, but a lifesaver nonetheless.
I don't know how to respond to you. Her uncle?????????????
I've never seen this before and I am not qualified to advise.
If you treat it like any other A, then I guess you would start with Plan A.
What is your heart telling you? do you want to try to salvage this M or not? I don't know?
Jerry
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22 |
I am struggling with giving up/letting go or being nice and keeping the communications open. The latter is very painful and I end up exploding. I believe that marraige vows are not to be taken lightly. The uncle thing is sick. She says nothing has happened, but I know it's at least an emotional affair. Knowing her, she may try and come back in a week, who knows.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
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Member
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632 |
Knowing her, she may try and come back in a week, who knows. Well there should be boundaries for that to happen. She needs to honest and transparent with all her comings and goings. sounds like she lost her boundaries or never had any in the first place. I'm still confused. Her uncle???????????? Jerry
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22 |
ST,
Her aunt (Mom's sister) was married for years to this uncle. She passed away 3-4 years ago and the uncle remarried. His new wife left him recently for OM.
My WW lived with this Aunt and Uncle for a year when she was 13 or so. She loved it there and has very fond memories. Her father passed away when she was 8 and her childhood was not good - abusive. This uncle always had a connection with her, I thought as a father figure only. When his new wife bolted he came to our house to get support from my WW. Since we have been having problems for some time, she had confided in him over the last few years. Well, two needy people with connection then left quickly. She has been there a week now. I found out by checking my bank withdrawals online.
I would like to do bodily harm to this uncle. But I won't.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
Member
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Member
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632 |
valley_09
Her's my take, and you can take it or leave it.
Her Uncle has been providing for her top EN's for quite some time.I know that perhaps as a husband you tried to do the same, but it seems you have missed the target. Does that make sence???
It would be very beneficial for you to download Dr H's Questionair regarding HIS needs and Her Nedds.
It would show you where you missed the mark and give you a deeper understanding of why your WW left.
Just my humble opinion.
Jerry
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22 |
Jerry,
I have done that about 2 years ago - filled out the EN questions and gave to each other. I have read HNHN, LB, 5 Love Languages. I have taken her to two Family Life Weekend to Remember conferences.
I feel like my best effort only got her to stay as long as she did. Anything less and she bolted. I can't keep up. I'm tired and my love bank is empty.
Any other suggestions besides survival?
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