When you have nothing but feelings of hostility and regret? I am currently trying to keep my sanity in tact. I have been with my husband for almost 4 years and we have two children who are 16 months(d)and 5 months(s). Ever since I had my children, it has been one mess up after another on his part. Now, I am deeply in debt and I spend most of my mornings trying to convince myself to stay and try to work it out. I have felt like this is going nowhere and I need to protect my kids from his stupid behavior-he is an alcoholic and I am pretty sure that he has cheated on me, even though he denies it with his every breath. I don't know what to do - I am a bit scared that if I leave, I won't be able to make it on my own with such small children. I still have feelings for him, but as of this minute, I can't say as I love him. He tells me all the time on the phone and I just say "bye" and hang up. I can truly say that I have given him every opportunity to straighten up, but nothing ever seems to get through. He refuses to go to any kind of counseling and all of my repeated efforts to go to church, which would only make us stronger, are rebuffed because he doesn't want to "smell like a ________ bottle" - you fill in the blank - or there is something else he wants to do. He loves our children, but never really spends much time with them. Now we are about to move to a new house, but I am not sure that I want to go with him at all. Believe it or not, I do not want to get divorced, or take my kids away from their dad. When he is good, he is really good, but it has been so long, I don't know if I can recover. Any advice?

Su,
I'm sorry your life is like this, especially with small children involved. It sounds like your H has issues that he is avoiding and alcohol helps.
If you feel he's cheated then maybe he has. I don't recommend sitting around waiting for your M to hit the wall it's headed for. I think a marriage 911 is needed or some really tough love. I think some people only grow when they are forced to and your H may need you to force him.

I'd talk to a counselor and find out what you can do to make him hit the wall, before he does. Suspecting cheating is reason enough in my book for you to ask for divorce. (Maybe H will take this serious if he thinks he is losing his family.)? A counselor could help you figure out a plan.

Most spouses that have addictions are great when they are great and terrible when they're terrible. With help he could be great all the time.
Take my advice, do this while your babies are young, get it over with, one way or the other. Teenagers do not handle divorce as well as lil kids. My M suffered and A and my H left us when my kids were teens and young adult and we've had hell on earth with them. I beg you to get help NOW so you can fix this marriage or move on while they are lil. For their sake.
Just my take on your situation.
May God Bless you and your family,
HBC
ps.
If i'd of known how my M problems would play out i'd of left my H when they were small because he wouldn't let himself be influenced by me, he had no respect for my needs or thoughts. Now, he's back, and does, and our kids are still paying a high price(drugs, police arrests, drugs, anger, suicidal talk and actions,....etc) for his learning to be a grown up. If i'd of gotten help when they were lil they might have been spared this horrible pain.