I hope that poor woman eventually comes far enough out ot her fog to see how revolting that is.

Do you try to come to an understanding of rapists by writing glamorous and erotic....never mind. I oughta stop before I start.

that was her last post.
Are you surprised they shut the posting down??? It was causing a riot.

How goes it, T2L?

Is all quiet at home?

Hey SMB.

I figured after all the uproar I would stay off and post a little less. I do however talk with the IM's, much more as they do a lot of emailing and snail mailing for me. The IM's and a few others know a bit more as I talk with them on the cell a few times a week, but for now I am refraining from posting everything because of the last maddness.

We've been a bit busy during the day this week as DS10 had swim class and make up swim class and jui jitsu and of course home school stuff daily.

H is keeping to his weekly visitation schedule and calling by 8:15.

But the kids are looking forward to our New Zealand visitors, especially DS10. And he is very curious about these pineapple chocolate lollies-actually I am too now.

Of course H is very very perplexed on how I know them. Pretty funny. He asked DD18 HOW DOES SHE KNOW THEM and threw up his hands in the air with complete confusion and annoyance that he his not privy to that info.

I guess he expected me to not have any new friends while I suffered, because T2L is so faithful and loyal she will wait and stop living because she loves her husband and always will-he's counting on that, makes me wanna barf . Sorry just feels like an abuse of grace.

Wait til he finds out hope is coming the week after, BTW Hope I am telling DS10 your from CT, since technically you are and by hearing your serious CT accent he'll know it. So I'm sure H will come unglued when he finds out that I now have a visitor coming from CT.

Anyways, got a few things to do....{{{Hugs}}}

T2L,

I caught up on the thread. Hope everything goes well with the 2nd PBL.

I read something you posted awhile back that I think you should try to incorporate in it. You wrote how he made you feel like the most beautiful woman on earth, how he always told the kids to get into the car to see how beautiful you were. And you also said that he made you feel protected when you were with him - the post was full of the things you admired about him, his positive qualities, that you believed in him.

If I were to write the letter I would probably try to include those things somehow. I have thought a long time about your PBL, actually, and what I would say to him:

Dear H,

I know that I wrote you a letter before, and I'm writing again because somehow I felt the need to tell you again that our marriage can be saved. Seeing you just those few times has been so hard on me. I work each day to remember the wonderful man I know you to be - the man who made me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth, the man who made me feel so protected, the man who ......(you fill it in here). I believe in you, even still.

I know it is hard for you to understand, but I cannot see you because it is the only way I am able to protect my love for you. That love is sacred to me, our marriage is sacred to me. Not seeing you protects the love I have, and keeps it safe so that we have a chance for moving forward together - and I still believe that is possible.

During this time, I have made many changes. I have made new friends, and learned a lot about marriage, relationships, and how to recover our marriage after an affair. This CAN work. I know that you have made changes, too, and that you want some things in your life to be different.

I know that we can save our marriage, and that our marriage can recover from this affair. There is a pathway home for you. You can begin to walk that path - just leave the other woman, never contact her again, and come home.

Reiterate the IM stuff here, with the don't call/contact me stuff until you can walk the path.

Then, end it with the paragraph I wrote before.



Maybe this will help you a little with some ideas for your PBL. I just thought that if you could work a little positive stuff for him regarding the things you found great about him, he might see it as really meaning that your love was still alive - that it was not hopeless. Sometimes I think the WS get the idea that it is hopeless and don't try.

SB

Awe Thanks SB! I have kinda a rough draft almost verbatim what you had said previously I'm going to see if I can mesh the them. I thought about posting it here just to allow everyone to see it but still mulling that over.


I hope you and your mother are feeling better.


I really appreciate and value your input in case I haven't said that before, simply mah-velous!

There are pros and cons to posting the PBL here.

Pros - you can get ideas about whether your letter is too short or too long, and ideas about whether you are emphasizing something too much, or if you have stayed on point or not.

Cons - people get nitpicky about wording, bicker about what you should or shouldn't say, about how you didn't say this or that, and how you said something, etc. It can be a festival for the semantivores. (Yes, I made that word up! :D)

It's a crap shoot, and you know the risks. I wouldn't post mine if I were sending one! I'm a chicken! Cannot take the pressure, nope, not me.

I would end up rewriting so much that it would lose the 'Bus sincerity, and in the end would not sound like I even wrote it at all. If you have too much input you need to be careful about that. If you use other people's ideas, word it so it sounds like YOU said it, or if you like their way of saying it, make sure that it is in the letter with things you wrote yourself, so that most of the letter is YOURS. That way, the letter "feels" like T2L, and not like something cold. The risk of something with the input of a team of people is that it loses the personal writing style.


To get it to "sound" like you, say it out loud. If it sounds like "you", okay. If not, say it like you want it to sound - like you would say it if he was sitting right in front of you - and write that.

SB

Hi T2L-

Slight t/j- hey SB



I've met semantivores during some classes I've taken with other AP English teachers. They rear their heads when we are beating a poem into submission (also known as analyzing it). Love the word, BTW.

T2L-I finally have a few minutes to rub together and my cold is gone, so if you want another phone call from Washington A.C. let me know a good time. I'm around all week-end.

*Neak hangs head*

I suspect I am a semantivore, but a nice one.

Ello Luv!

How are you?? You can be my Valentine call tomorrow LOL. Call whenever.

Glad you are feeling better cuz I know with your job you need all your strength.

hey if you want to really make sure WH knows your not alone and still have people who care and support you DS and I would be happy to come down one weekend. I love shoving it right in his face too....OMG T2L actaully has friends.....and she looks like she is smiling and happy....unfortunaly WH is not doing that.....boo hoo he isn't the center of friggin attention.

I would love to see the look on his face.

Your DD rocks.

You've got mail.

Make that a double.

T2L,

Not sure what you're going through but if you're not posting it here I trust you have good reason. You have shown exemplary good judgment and strength throughout this entire ordeal. Just wanted to say I'm still in your corner, still keeping up with you, and still caring.

Awe thanks Lil Turtle. Well Valentines Day is over. Actually did fine. Went back to the gym today for the 1st time since the A. I have been a gym rat since I was 16 and stopped after this. It was nice to get back lifting weights again. Love it! Signed up DS10 to and DD18 already had a membership so the 3 of us went together, it was fun.

Yes I am in contact with the IM's pretty regularly, they keep me focused.

Tomorrow 2nd PB will be given to H. It was written almost verbatim of all that Schoolbus has recommended. I have 2 exact duplicate cards with pink envelopes with the 2nd PB letters in them. The 1st one was sent today and will arrive at the BARF SHACK on Monday(never know who will check the mail ) and the duplicate will be given to him tomorrow and then PB. Hey SB if you want to see the 2nd PB just email at the address below. I am going to probably give it to him in the way SB suggested-although Neakie I really like AJ's idea LOLOLOL.

Tomorrow is his visit day. He'll see the kids after church and it'll give me some time to go to Victoria's Secrets and use the gift card the kids got me for Valentines Day. Not fun going there with children.

Hoping to plan a short weekend getaway next weekend. Waiting to hear back if it's going to work out. Hopefully it will. DS10 will be with my brother for the weekend having fun with cousins so I thought i could use the time for me plus H will be utterly mind boggled again that I am taking a trip and he has no clue where. I am hoping to get to go to Santa Barbara. I have some mutual Pastor friends up there I can stay with. They are lovely people just not sure if schedules will line up. Pray God opens a door for me to go I really really need an overnight to myself and its not far only about and hour and half away. With the kids here home schooled full time and no H here I am with them all hours of the day which I do love being able to be here for them and with them I just need a few away with the last 3 months.

H is still asking where I am when he calls nightly and I still leave a few nights a week. Left tonight so he could not depend on his wife to be here at night on Valentines Day so DD18 watched DS10 and took him with her to go pick up BF so H had to call the cell and he did his regular where is mom, well who is she with questioning.

Anyways I'm pooped, this is good, the gym wore me out, and that means great sleep LOL......

It was great talking with you again today! Your really an amazing person, thanks for your friendship and Valentines Day call!

T2L,

If Seahag reads the letter, I think she might try to call you or somehow reply. You are throwing a bomb into affairland, and she won't like it.

Just be thinking about that possibility, especially with delivering a pink letter. Which, by the way, I absolutely love!!!!!!!

SB

Hey, T2L:
I'll be praying for you. And I'm sure you will look FABULOUS when you hand over the letter. Just smile like you have the world's BIGGEST secret.

You inspired me (as did School Bus) and I sent WH a 2nd PBL via email yesterday. I know he and OW are out of town, but I sent it anyway because -- well -- what do I have to lose? He's Ding me, we're not communicating with each other, he's avoiding the kids, etc.

I sent a reminder that there is STILL a path home, that I'm protecting my love for him, that we want and need him home, that OW will survive if he leaves her, that I believe in marriage for life, etc. The last PBL was in October -- and I felt the urge to let WH know that despite him filing for D and being AWOL for 2 months, that I still have love left for him.

Sorry, MB purists if that's not the way I'm suppose to act. But-- again -- what do I have to lose? Plan B protects my love bank and just composing the letter reminded me that I do has an untapped reserve left for H -- not WH. So this communication, whether he reads it or not, added at least an ounce back in my LB because I was able to recall some great memories by digging deep in my soul.

Now -- No expectations and I won't be disappointed if nothing happens. I do hope/pray that somehow OW reads it and is upset that I still care for WH. She's a very jealous woman, and I need to use this knowledge to my advantage if I'm waiting out the A.

Today, I am taking the kids shopping for their Valentine's Day gifts. And I am going to pick out some clothes for myself. A belated Valentine's Day gift to ME.