Yes, I accept your opinion even if I disagree. When you mess with reproduction you can get burned. Emotions get involved eventually. If he can keep control of this, so be it. I know how difficult it is however.

Karma, Stella,

I'm perfectly fine with sex for fun and I don't have more in me to offer right now. I am a man, I'm pretty sure that if I decide I need to be ready for a relationship before I can have sex then I will rush into a relationship. I'm not sure how a woman work on this front but for me I actually miss sex, the physical part.

I do see a danger of one of us falling in love with the other. Two lawyers, both career driven, both fitness freaks, ... Plus we have fun together both sex and just talking and joking at the gym. The big difference is that I am a divorced father of 5 with a grandchild on the way and she is never married super career woman.

I think they are very much alike.

They are both emotionally unavailable. And they both value/ed your passive, "don't ask for anything from them" attitude.

Your XW had her "single lifestyle" to focus on. And your new buddy has her career.

Marshmallow,

You could be right about that aspect. They seem different to me, but both of them like the fact that I don't ask for much.My friend is much more competent and skilled but she would not be happy if I wanted lots of her time, like for domestic support or the like. I can see that she may be interested because I don't ask for anything. Damn, I was just thinking it is because I'm super hot.

Great observation!

6:

Marsh may be on to something.

But you WANT this relationship to be free and easy.

Do you think it is easier for Bill Gates and Warren Buffet to be friends, rather than with Lousy Golfer?

Certainly. With all that wealth and power that they have, they know that the other person isn't going to ask the other for a loan or a job. Not saying than any of us can't be friends with them, but we would have a lot to prove before we would move to a so-called inner circle. They, I'm sure, have both been burned often.

Your new lady friend is secure with you as well. She can probably sense some detachment in you. If your description of a good looking, bright, young lawyer is true, then she is probaly getting hit on every day at the office. From Clients, to partners to the delivery guy. So, she has taken a shine to you and is comfortable. So there isn't ALOT Of attachment right now. If you have confirmed that there isn't a husband or soon to be ex husband out there, than I say have at it.

Willingness to have SF with a responsible partner, may indicate that she lacks certain things, but in many respects, she just might be enjoying the ride as well. It may also indicate that same thing in you. Your picker may be a little off. Doesn't make you a bad person, just makes you want to examine your "picker" a little bit, and maybe give it a tune-up.

To be blunt, had Flamingo divorced me, there is a VERY GOOD possibility that I would have cruised bars/gyms/clubs for available women, some for the week, or some for several months. No commitment would have been excellent.

But we found MB. Like a ton of bricks, that free and fancy lifestyle came crashing in. I SAW the destruction that that type of lifestyle could and would bring. All my fantasies about that type of life, well, the reality really bites. And there was a sea change inside of me as well. A complete change. Something that the your first Mrs6 was not capable of doing. That's why she is in Italy. Trying to capture that fantasy.

You will grow tired of this arrangement after awaile, or it might grow into something more. Love has a way of sneaking into a relationship if there is alot of companionship, friendship and shared interests. Your kids are at an age that someone that slowly integrates in would not be as disruptive.

Should you be doing it? It is recommended around here that you wait at least two years after the D is final to explore a new relationship. But there was a serious disconnect in your M. And at the first chance, your WW was GONE. Emotionally, it was like you had already started that waiting period contemplated in that "two year" rule. So, maybe you can be.

Its a relationship. Bereft of SOME things, but probably rich in others. Time will tell.

LG

LG,

I do want a 'no-strings' relationship right now, if that is possible. My friend does get hit on all the time, it is constant. Upon reflection I do think that she uses me as a shield as well as for sex. I'm not complaining, but I'm sure the 6'3" 210lb Krav expert f-buddy puts off some of the guys. She has not made a secret of the fact that she has sex with me. Plus she knows how much family and work stuff I have so I'm not likely to become all needy. I am sure she is not married or dating, the gym is a small tight community. I would be super super angry if any made me into an OM.

I'm good with where this is now, we do actually like each other. If it slowly (SLOWLY) evolved into something else then that's ok.

Two consenting adults are entitled do whatever they like within the law. 6 and the lady lawyer can run naked through the fields and staple each other's nipples if they agree it's OK. However, whether the choice of action is an emotionally healthy one is another issue.

Intercourse is the most intimate act two humans can do together. That's what makes it exciting; otherwise, it would be much more convenient to masturb&te or use machinery. It's the emotional hit - of whatever flavour - that makes it so thrilling.

It's pretty much impossible for the act to have no emotional content at all, but that doesn't mean that the emotion is a healthy one. People don't visit prostitutes to have meaningful relationships, after all. Having sex with someone that you don't really know, and might not like if you ever had to get to know them beyond "I've got the key to room 234" is essentially using them as a projection for a fantasy. The problem with doing that - the same as the problem with abusing porn - is that the more you get accustomed to using something as a fantasy object, the more dependent you get on the fantasy, the less patient you get with dull reality, and the more you objectify others as sources of potential sexual excitement.

Two people making use of each other for a 'little sexual pleasure' suggests to me two damaged people with blunted emotions. 6 may tell himself right now that his lady lawyer thinks he's hot, and get a buzz from all the free nookie and the sense of being a stud. But the reality is that his involvement is just as some kind of blank screen for her to project whatever fantasy is getting her going. She's certainly not thinking of him as a warm, vulnerable, hurting man; she has no interest in the whole of 6, just the bit that does the business. And vice-versa. Does that really help 6, in the long run? Is he going to feel like he is a worthier man for having done this? Isn't the short-term ego fix the thing that brought most of us to this site, after all?

So, no, I don't think this is a healthy thing for 6 to do, no matter what the temptation and rationalisation going on (do those words sound familiar?).

TA

Bravo TA,

Bravo

All Blessings,
Jerry

TA,

I think you re trying to cast what we are doing as even more casual than it is. We do know each other and actually like each other. Neither of us wants a relationship, so we are both safe for the other for now. I guess I think there are lots of things that are more intimate than SF, most of which I am not able to share with someone right now. I'm not sure why you think it is especially intimate, heck 200 different guys have seen me naked showering at the gym and I don't even know them at all.

I get the sense that you just don't approve of it on a moral / religious basis. That's ok, we just come from different places in terms of that. I know it many ways I'm kind of a loser on this site because I got divorced. I will probably never get married again. I might never be ready for a real relationship again, it feels like that now. So I'm doing something that is a part of helping me be happy, and it isn't hurting anyone.

So, if you're a single dad of five and the mom is in Europe.....when and where do you have the time and privacy to cavort.....and what kind of example are you setting for your children who, hopefully, see you as a role model.

Though, with your self-impressed attitude, I don't. I guess you wouldn't mind your children doing the same thing....get them a little plaything because they could.

T,
I would have disagreed with you because I thought a temporary ego boost for 6 is not such a bad thing but the above quote made me think about what you wrote. It's to soon after D to start a relationship based on sex and then have it turn to emotional over time - something just doesn't sit right with that. His involvement with F-buddy is almost the same as if a person visits a prostitute, starts to like her and then starts thinking their could be opportunity for something more. I don't think I would value myself much if I got involved with a player so soon after a divorce and become accepting to something more from it over time. I would probably question myself as to why I didn't value myself more. I get your point T (or at least I hope I got it).

GG

You know, less than a year ago, you were fighting for your marriage. Now, you have this ......friend with benefits.....and you're thinking it's ok if something comes of it....while your son just got some girl pregnant having sex because he could.

6,
Oh 6 - you just proved T's point. You are already not valueing yourself to think that you don't have more to offer yourself and someone else. I'm a romantic a heart and I believe you have a lot to offer someone other than your body. Don't be so quick to discount love and relationships. You will heal and be whole again and some lucky lady is out there waiting to give you the love and respect your deserve.

GG

G, Cinderella,

I'm not saying I want it to develop into something, I might never want a real relationship again. I'm saying that this behavior on her part does not make her damaged goods in my eyes. I guess it does in yours.

I have sometime to myself, yes I am busy. I have always been busy ever since the children came along. I am less busy now that they have school and activities ( that they want ). Teenagers need sometime to themselves and with their friends, I am always there when needed.

When my children are adults they can indulge in this behavior if they want. Sam was not having recreational sex when GF got pregnant, they considered themselves to be in a relationship. That did not turn out so well but we are handling it as best we can.

G,

postings crossed on the internet. I'm not saying I don't have alot to offer a relationship, heck if you want a guy who will do everything and ask for nothing in return I'm the number one guy in the universe. .

I'm saying that right now it feels like I will never want another relationship. I'm also worried that I will pick wrong and cause everyone alot of pain and struggles.

6,
All the more reason you need to seriously look at the decisions you make and what's the motivation behind every decision. Take the time to look deeper into yourself. It's a hard thing to do but the more you know about you, the better decision-maker you will become. What have you learned about yourself from everything you have gone through? You don't have to answer here but start to really question things. Do you keep a journal? I have one on my computer with a password key. You will be amazed at what you learn about yourself when you start writing down something every day. Just write what comes to mind.

GG

I am sorry but this is a single man now. So now this site is dedicated to stopping unmarried men from having sex with younger women?

Like him I may never marry again. Not because I can't love another woman but because if I marry and it does not go well she will want my assests that I have accumulated.

He did the right thing. He is not married and he should not be scolded for being human in my opinion. I see greater harm for him by marrying another women who will take another $100K from him.

6 just enjoy your life!

IHE,
No one is saying he needs to go out and get married. If his situation was temporary I'd say yeah go for the ego boost, but he admitted he would consider something more with the women over time. I think that's bad decision-making so soon after D.

And
You have to admit having someone passionately make love to you is better than just having sex (oh I may be asking for trouble on this one).

Masking a wall around oneself out of fear will lead one to a very lonely empty life.

GG

How much MORE casual can you get? You both are "only in it for sex"?


You equate being seen naked in a gym locker room w/ having sex?

For real?

B/c women would never view sex this way.

And I'd say that most emotionally healthy men wouldn't either.