So here it is, short and sweet. My H had an affair a little over six years ago. I actually read and posted on this site and thought I learned a lot about myself,him and what went wrong in our marriage. We went to counseling, talked a lot more than we had in years and recommitted to each other.

Fast forward six years to present day. My H has not had a full time job in at least five years and refuses to take any work that is not his dream job. This has frustrated and angered me,so last month I moved out. Now on top of the financial strains the marriage was under, I also feel I am totally reliving the feelings I had about his affair and I can't figure out why.. Am I crazy? Has anyone else experienced this type of delayed rage over an old affair? Could it be that I never truly "got over it"?

Angel
Married 11 years
Two children D10, S6

I cannot speak from experience because I am going through an A myself, from just recently. I dont think you will ever completely forget it, but that might not be a bad thing. It will keep you on your toes and remind you to meet your H's EN's. I hope you can work it out, because D to me is the worst thing that can happen. I never would have thought I would be going through this. Browse the site and look for different advice in your situation. I wish I would have found this site long ago and been using these tools to make my marraige better 3-4 years ago.

Thanks Jeff. I will re-check out the site for help. How do people live on with a fulfilling relationship if the thoughts of betrayal are still there? Maybe some people can't get over it, and maybe I'm one of them. I understand what you say about divorce, but I can't help but feel I'm between a rock and a hard place. I'll choose the rock I guess because of my children, but I can't say that it gives me any comfort.

I am not an expert here, but I think a place to look would be the ENs of financial support and family committment. Also, did you both really work on recovery before or did you "stuff" all the feelings then?

"Most" M has the male dynamic as a provider. Sounds like you had this expectation as well. I guess the only unanswered question is, what has your H been doing with his time over the past 5 years?

I've already retired from the military, and could nor would not be without a job for the sake of my families comfort. I've still have not found my "dream job", and envy the few who have!

Is it possible you have stirred up thoughts of the A to help fuel your recent resentment about the lack of support. Maybe it gave you enough fuel emotionally to move out?

-JKT

What about the resentment of: "I actually STAYED with you after your affair, and then you do THIS!!!!"

I'm sorry you are hurting.