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Just got a text from WS stating that she was terminated because it is a Catholic organization and they did not approve of adultery. She also said she realized she did this to herself. Makes me wonder what that H.R. lady said to her??
I feel sorry for her now that her world is crashing down...but I truly believe the affairs would have continued had exposure not taken place. I know in her state of mind she is not capable of feeling empathy for what she has done to me, hopefully; she will realize how serious all of this is. She has seemed to take this all so lightly up until now.
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Maybe you should direct her to this site. It really helped to open my eyes. Although, I'm about 5.5 months past D day and I'm still coming to grips with many things but it did help me alot.
And, since she doesn't have a job she will have lots of time to read up...
WW-44
BS--52
D Day 8/30/08
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she will realize how serious all of this is. She has seemed to take this all so lightly up until now. All waytards have this attitude. My FWH and his WW couldn't believe OWH and I exposed their dirty little secret without even flinching. Then they couldn't believe the level of the exposure. WTF do waywards think will happen when you screw with someone's M and family. :twobyfour: Yeah it's funny until someone loses a nut.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Maybe you should direct her to this site. I'd be careful about doing that. As far as we know, she's still an active WS. If she starts reading her BH's threads, she can use any information or advice given against him. I suggest not directing her here until there is some indication on her part that she may want to restore the M. Even then, I'd hesitate on disclosing which name her BH posts under here until she's out of withdrawal and working on recovery.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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MiM is correct. dr needs to place to discuss strategies and/or vent. She's fogged out and hasn't done anything yet to commit to the marriage.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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She has been calling me now. I think she is in shock everything came crashing down so fast. But she is still lying about the affair. So I told her that until she can be truthful with me, I know that her heart is still with OM. Told her not to call me until she was ready to be truthful as anything that was said is meaningless.
My thinking is that this has gone remarkably well and fast. I had no idea full disclosure was this powerful. I hope that she will stop lying to me soon. With all of this out in the open, she will probably not be able to spend much time with #2. And me saying NC until you quit lying might speed it up?? But before this all blew up, I told her NC and she kept calling, mainly to tell me how the A was my fault and she wanted a divorce. Should I be more strict about enforcing NC?
BTW, another cliche' from the script keeps popping up...after every increase in intensity in exposure I would get "I wanted to work it out but after this....."
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Sorry Dr. Scott. I wasn't thinking about that--everyone has a great point. Don't tell the WW and you probably shouldn't have told her family about the MB site either...
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Don't worry about it, it's OK. I have not written anything I have not already said or done. And at this stage, I have already played all of my cards. It is sit and wait time.
Ok, the situation is that she is staying with her sister, fired from one job, everyone including management knows at hospital where #2 works. What should I expect now??
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Dr. Scott
I'm not sure what to expect next--could be any number of things...
You should contact a moderator (hit notify at bottom) and ask them to move you over to GQ11... Alot of the vets only look under that category. You will get much more traffic on there....
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Dawn is right about getting more traffic on the General Questions 2 thread. Once more vets read what you have written, I'll be surprised if you don't get the question I'm about to give you. She is a serial liar and adulterer...before I would feel safe in the relationship I would need to know what is going on in that head. You've only been married for three years, no kids, and she's working on her second affair. Are you sure you want to try to rebuild this marriage? You're certainly off to a great start with the exposure.
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You've only been married for three years, no kids, and she's working on her second affair. Are you sure you want to try to rebuild this marriage? Good grief - I missed that data. Drscott, I suggest thinking LONG AND HARD about whether or not this M is really worth saving, as it's barely got started and already you've got huge baggage to deal with. My advice now would be to extract yourself as quickly as possible.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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I agree. Think long and hard as this is not something that you will get over easily. Short marriage, no kids. I would strongly consider starting over with a person that cherishes the vows of marriage, is less selfish, and cares about her partner.
Me: 32 BS DDay: 9/14/08
Slowly coming to the realization that I
am one of those who can't get past it.
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I have definitely been thinking about just getting out....I am starting to think that needs to be my only plan until there is some dramatic display of honesty, regret and desire to seek professional help.
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DrS
BRAVO! What a stellar example of the power of exposure. Job well done!
You are playing this well. Id say the next step is to:
1. Expose to OM#2 girlfriend
2. Compile a list of conditions that you need to recover your M.
You are doing a remarkable job of not being reactive to her crazy talk. When she says these things turn it around on her every time. "Are YOU happy that your AFFAIR did this, WW?"
As you said, its almost like every wayward reads from the same script. It is utterly predictable.
Move this thread to GQII - you will get alot more traffic there and help.
Do you want to recover your M? Because you are in the drivers seat now.
Good job, DrS. I know its awful. Hang in there
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WS now calling me...seems suddenly ready to deal. Now she is saying she lied to me to upset me about the sex with OM #1 & #2. Based on phone records, she may have been lying about #1 to protect her ongoing affair with #2, and throw me off scent. #2 is where the danger is, and why the Friendster thing worked so quick. Their co-workers and friends were all on Friendster. I told her we had nothing to say to each other if she was going to persist in these lies.
Asked me again how I could do these things and how I could take it so far. I told her I gave her the opportunity to fess up and she did not take it. I told her to go and be with the OM and see if fantasy lives up to reality. Said that is not what she wants. Funny thing is she now has time to call me from work...go figure.
I have decided that if she ever decides to drop the lies and work on it, professional counseling will be a must. She is a serial liar and adulterer...before I would feel safe in the relationship I would need to know what is going on in that head. Dr Scott, Does she lie about a lot of other stuff? Does she have a history of lying when the truth will do better, or make up or enhance stories to make her look better? You say she is a serial liar. Yes lying while in an A is very hurtful, but does she have a history of this outside of when she is in an A? SWW
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Hi Dr. Scott--just bumping for an update???
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Well, no contact last night. Then she called this morning, very sad sounding and wants to talk tonight...who knows, I left it at that.
As far as her lying outside of the affair, nothing major that really sticks out in mind??? Maybe I was not paying attention, but I honestly can't think of anything significant.
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As far as her lying outside of the affair, nothing major that really sticks out in mind??? Maybe I was not paying attention, but I honestly can't think of anything significant. Perhaps she's better at lying by omission. So it's a question of not what she said, but what she hasn't said. How much of her pre-M history do you know? Do you know of her previous relationships for example? And if there were any, how they ended? It took me 25 years to find out from my FWW that when she really not the "chaste" girl she presented herself as to me when we first started going out together - she is THAT good at hiding things from me.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Doc, we've pretty much just focused on her. What kind of a husband are you? No accusations, but I think the question needs to asked.
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OTH-
What the hell? That is a relevant question to recovery but utterly irrelevant when this thread has to do with exposure of an A. I fail to see how focusing on the "type" of husband DrS is at this juncture is helpful to him. The answer to that would surely be "One who doesnt deserve to be lied to, betrayed and made a fool of"
DrS hasnt yet said that he is even interested in recovering his M to his WW. If he is, he can go down that path.
As RTW expressed on an another thread, youve been giving some spectacularly bad advice.
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