The saga continues.

1. Daughter, who lives back East, flew into town yesterday. I haven't heard from her. Got word that daughter bee-lined right over to WWs house. I understand SHE is the mother, but it still hurts. I guess it is no fun being around the responsible parent when you can hang with the Disneyland one. It is big fun hanging with a parent who's acting like a teenager and drinking til you drop. I need to let go onthis item.

2. Apparently someone mailed letters to HER relatives telling them what is going on. Of course, youi know WHO this will be pinned on. I smell a lawsuit setup. What WW doesn't get in the settlement, SHE plans on getting in round two.

3. I signed papers to sell the house two weeks ago. Got an email from the realtor saying WW hasn't gotten back with realtor to sign them. I have to leap through hoops and do everything as direct by the court. I'll be held in contempt if I don't. Apparently, other folks get to live by any old timeline they want.

Keep the faith. Get the house sold as quick as possible. You need to get away from this situation. You can't compete with disney land. Wait till you daughter wakes up one morning with an empty purse because mom or one of her guys steal her blind for booze money. You are well rid of her.

ouchthathurt

Thanks for the words. Why is it that folks not walking around with their heads up and locked see the obvious. I foresee disasterous results.

I know what it feels like to be the responsible parent. I divorced my first husband when our only son at the time was barely two years old, he's 21 now. Many years of his dad being disneyland, and my being the disciplinarian.

Hang in there, the kids will come back around. The bible tells us if we spare the rod we spoil the child. The greatest love you can give your children is discipline. I know your kids are older and out of that stage. But what they see, and will remember, is that you are a solid reliable parent they know they can count on to be there when they need you.

I know it hurts not being the one they want to spend time with, or their "first choice". I lived through many years feeling like that.

But even though you're upset with her, try not to say hurtful things about her around them. Believe me, I know how hard it is not to make snide remarks about her around your children. But the most important thing you can say about her and demonstrate to the kids right now, is your sympathy for her and what she is doing to herself. Say things like, "it kills me to see her throwing her life away or simply say nothing. Show that you are sad for her, and for them, for what she has done to the family, and to all your lives. It is such a sad situation, to have the family circle broken.

Like I said, the best thing you can do is be a rock for your kids, because they will need your help to learn to deal with this change in her.

My son, went to live with his dad his freshman year of high school, this was a decision we talked about from the when he was 5 or 6 years old. He said "mommy I'll live with you till I get big, then I'll live with daddy". Anyway, throughout his time living there, resulting from many careless stunts, he got a concussion, broke an ankle, a wrist, collar bone, and then the worst happened..... he had an accident in 2005, summer of his senior year in high school, he dove head first into 36" deep above ground pool and broke his neck. Apparently his stepbrothers did it all the time, and he'd done it before, many times.... He's now a quadriplegic. I just recently stopped blaming my ex for his high-risk, fun-loving but absolutely senseless approach to life.

He can drive a modified wheelchair van now, and comes up to visit, and stays for long weekends. We have long talks while I'm taking care of him. He appreciates me now, for all the things I did for him through the years, quietly, without notice, while his dad got all his admiration and attention. He talks to me for hours, and says things like I wish I could talk to my dad like this.

Things do come back around, one way or another. Kids grow up, and their eyes open to what's real, what's good for them. It will get better, hang in there. As you cut your ties to her, and move on with your life, the anger will subside, and it will get better.


Kim

erlyJF

First, my heart goes out to you concerning your son. My situation pales in comparison to what you endure. I remember my children very well from an early age. Whenever I mention changing them, putting lotion on, etc, they give me the "Oh Dad" line. I can only imagine what your boy's accident has put your through. You have a strength that I envy.

My youngest daughter had a stroke (due to the abortion). She ended up with a paralyzed left hand and serve brain injury. I've seen scans of her brain and it is riddled with holes where tissue should be. Fortunately, her intellect center was spared. Unfortunately, she is subject to seizures. I don't think she will make old bones. Occassionally I get caught up in the "potential lost, and opportunities gone" when I think about my daughter. It should have never happened on several different levels.

I have been very careful not to bad mouth WW to the children. I did tell them, that at some point they would have to be around to pick up the pieces. Over the last month I do not even discuss HER with the children.

Thanks for the words. And I'll keep your boy in my prayers.

Has anyone here dealt with the following behavior?

The other night, I came home and JUST knew someone had been in the house. I think most of us have had that feeling one time or another. Anyway, after looking around, I determined some items had been taken from the house (this is the third time) and goofy stuff had been done. Some of the missing items did not make sense -- like a couple strings of Christmas lights, a purse, a change purse, and the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells." Other stuff got my attentin -- like the only set of keys to a car, and the erasure of a couple contact numbers from the phone memory.

I have a pretty good idea WHO did this, but as always no proof. Guess I'll report this to the attorney for all the good it will do.

Why do they do this type of stuff?

Have you changed the locks for your house yet?

Got an alarm on your home? Change the code.

Set up video surveillance. Got a webcam on your PC? There's free software available to turn it into a surveillance cam that sends you an e-mail and records video if it senses motion.

ManInMotion

Locks changed, Codes Changed, Windows locked up. I can not figure out how the Houdini act is pulled off. I will follow through on your suggestions.

So today, (9 Feb), I get an email from WW out of the blue. I have not spoken with nor seen her in nearly two months. She is with OM.

Email -- "Talked with (son) last night. he said dog tore up all his cushions and craps everywhere. His cats are a little wild also. How have you been? All the (grand)kids ask about you, you should pick them up for a couple hours one of these weekends. Do you think you could drop off my stationary bike?"


Sooo -- WHAT AM I DEALING WITH HERE? Looking for any input.

Does anyone else have access to your home? Could be one of your children acting on your WW's instructions, for example.

plan B means no contact.

Block WW's emails.

Don't respond to this email except to throw out the stationary bike.

TheRoad

Got it. I was trying to read something the email that was not there.

On 9 February (the same day I got the unsolicited email) I was called into the bosses' office. They told me they had received a call earlier in the day from an unknown male. That caller told them I was acting erratically and they need to know about my behavior. Then the boss handed me the phone number to the company's mental health people. I feel the only reason I was not fired on the spot was I had informed my immediate supervisor of my situation back in Oct. So now I've got someone attempting to get me fired. This makes little sense and is like killing the golden goose.

I think the email was a ploy to determine if I knew about the phone call and/or to see if I still had a job.

WW and I were directed by the Court to provide financial cost of living estimates, credit card statements, and some appraisals to the attorneys by a specific date. Mine were turned in a week early. WW has not gotten around to it yet and deadline is past.
I have advised attorney about phone call and requested action on court-directed items. The stress this adds to daily living is nearly unbearable -- this isn't playing hardball, this isn't playing anything.

I have not heard from WW in nearly 4 1/2 months. On 12 Feb, four emails come in. There was an agenda behind each one -- basically telling me what I had to do. I made the mistake of replying to one -- I'll never do that again. It wiped out months of initial healing and I felt lousey all day. WW changes her mind on settlement issues, adds thing to her want list, and sets deadlines for me to accomplish her tasks. I sent everything to the attorney. The lawyer can be the go between and earn the money that's been doled out.

I prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and struggle like h*ll.

On 23 Dec 08, a Court order was issued which directed certain actions be taken within 30 days. WW has not initated steps on any save one. She managed to start using the money I was directed to put in her account. Other than that, nada. I was holding off on requesting attorney prepare and submit Contempt paperwork. Then I though, "what the heck, what is WW going to do, get mad and leave. We are already there." So another round of letters between judge and both lawyers.

Phone at house is ringing off the hook with bill collectors attempting to contact her to arrange for payment (bills only in her name). I don't bother to answer the phone anymore. I am not her father and I sure in the h*ll am not much of anything else to her. I do wonder if she is intentionally ruining her credit. I'll be lucky to afford a postage stamp when this is done.

WS frequently fail to exercise proper financial decorum. Take advantage where possible.

I have seen HER try to spend the same dollar more than once. I figured out years ago, it is easier to borrow money than to pay it back. SHE intends to saddle me with 50% of her debt, but I don't think that is going to happen.

She had only known the OM for a few weeks and they both drink? Sounds like a disaster about to happen.

Have you been to alanon yet? She should go to get some support. My bet is WW comes back since you have done such an excellent job of enabling her.

She knew OM for 20 days and off she went. They drink. A couple folks on this site have already told me that MB does not work on a drinker.

Alanon for me -- yes I am going. Alanon for her -- the only problem is me, not the beer. If I just disappeared all her troubles would go away.

I have no argument with being tagged as an ENABLER. I allowed horrific stuff to take place, never set a boundary, hoped things would get better if I was a good boy. Enabling does not work.

I find NC has allowed me to maintain some level of dignity and sanity.

Sooo, I receive another email from WW. With tax season upon us, all of a sudden finances are on her scope. She has "threatened" to file separately, agreed to file jointly, "threatened" to file separately, etc, etc. I think she has figured out if she files separately she will owe the IRS $$$. Additionally, if she files separately she now wants the tax/interest write-off on one of the properties. SHE has set a deadline for my response -- close of business today.

I honestly don't care what she does. SHE thinks she is in control and calling the shots. I am doing a pretty good job of staying dark. I did not response. All correspondence from her goes to the attorney for review and action.