I said "written and a cokc_tail napkin" in another thread and it wes censored, lol...

I'm not a wayward, so maybe I shouldn't be in this thread. But one issue has been bugging the heck out of me.

WW still constantly defends OM, what a nice guy he was, how this was all a mistake by both of them friends, yadayada fog..

I asked her the other day what she didn't like about him in retrospect. Half her answer was "he dawdled when we went on hikes".

However, she has slowly come out of the fog in some respects, admitting that actions she did were wrong, that she used to defend (some gifts etc)

So I really feel like saying to her "Look, you seem to be on a reality journey here where things are now occurring to you. You said you both knew, all along, he would never leave his wife. I'm a guy, I know how this works. When are you going to realize that, by having a young woman over to his house at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, that was 10 times as attractive to his wife, to get blo_wn, was maybe something a little in the nature of using you? Despite his wonderfulness, and all."

I could be dam wonderful under those circumstances, too.

Interesting thread title - I don't think the waywards have stopped yet!

small TJ
Mike

while still in the fog even the last dregs she can only ... she WANTS to see only .... that it was 'sweet' even if she admits to it being wrong.
And to actually admit to herself she was used??... welll wait for that realisation.
REALITY will hit over time and she WILL see it for what it is. She is pretty close now I feel... the river Nile is a BIG part of a FWW for a while.

You CANNOT educate your wife

TJ over ... sorry

I had my Retaliation A for the very reason of seeing what all the HOOPLA was about. She would say what a NICE MAN he(OM) was, and how the ADMIRATION felt so good. I said, shouldn't that NICE MAN be ADMIRING HIS WIFE??!! Anyway, I was sneaking around, making calls to OW, then calling my fWWxW who I ordered out of town at the time. Maybe I'm just cold, but it didn't mean much at all. OW calls me now and then knowing I've dumped(Plan D)my fWWxW. I ended the RA because it got old quick and was just slapping fWWxW in the face til she said halt it. We(fWWxW and I) originally had a secret agreement that I could continue the RA to even the score for sixty days(I know, broken moral compass), but after ten days she couldn't take it anymore. Wow, was she committed to righting the wrong, but I knew once I was willing to have sex w/ OW, my marriage was over.(actually, I was pretty sure M was over on D-Day) I could never have had the first A. Its just not possible. I still say all the BHs would be better off going straight to Plan D. There is obviously a lack of respect and nothing gains respect like a good ole fashion a.. kickn. Even if its an emotional/financial one. You can always reconcile, even after plan D.

Dude

I know it wasn't Sparky's intention when she started this thread but I think it IS a useful thread. A useful thread for BS's.

Mike, you asked about "seeing the OM as a good guy". I struggled with this because I'd been out with the guy for five years when we were young, he was a part of my family, my dad was his surrogate dad. His own father had left a family of four kids for the OW. (ironic huh? - but probably not that ironic really). I would have married him but didn't because I didn't think I'd ever be "important" enough to him.

My H liked him before the A. Never trusted him - but liked him. Same social strata, intelligent etc etc.

What I learned was that, exactly like AW said, I was used. He had turned into a not very nice person. I still saw the teenage boy through my A goggles. He was cheating on his extremely nice wife with very little remorse or guilt. I was wracked with guilt the whole time. He was prepared to be a cake eater for as long as it took. Well, eventually he decided not to be a cake eater and ended it but that didn't stop him contacting me.

I was the one who stayed firm on NC.

True...that's also what I was hoping for.

Mrs. W:

My co-worker exposed all but her WH's shorts!! There's not a single person within a 50 mile radius that doesn't know what he did. Not sure if they're going to reconcile or not, but I did send her the MB link for some quality reading.