This is my hardest hurdle too. Knowing that over a long period of time, a year+, that he shared himself emotionally with OW is hard to come to terms with. And in hind sight, even though I didn't see it or recognize it, it was sucking the emotional energy out of our marriage. By the time I found out about the sk@nky Ho, he wasn't giving any emotion to me nor to our marriage and blaming it on me

IMO, a ONS does not have all the trappings of a LTA

This is like choosing whether to get shot or stabbed, but if I had to choose what I thought was WORSE, it would be the ONS's.

One night stands reflect a profoundly impaired moral foundation, no matter how you shake it. That is a very wreckless kind of destructive behavior. A man who could hop in the pig pen with a complete stranger for whom he has no feelings whatsoever reflects a profound character problem. Not to mention the risk of getting an STD and passing it on to one's spouse. Taking that kind of risk just to have some fun reflects a special kind of dangerous person.

Sure, a LTA reflects a character problem, but it could be a lack of boundaries, rather than a complete lack of morals couple with high risk, destructive behavior.

to me, it is like the difference between a sociopathic serial killer and one-time crime of passion killer.

I would dump my spouse in either case, but if I had to chose one, I would prefer a weak character that had poor boundaries over someone who is morally retarded.

LTA's just feel like the wayward has or is trying to replace you in everyway. The longterm lying has become a way off life. You have become a chore to them to come home to. And are harder to recover from.