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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 8
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He has 2 children with W#2.
She has been exposed to her parents and they know why she is there. I have the children.
I have spoken to POSOM's wife and we have exchanged valuable, yet painful, information.
I also made it clear to her that she is no longer part of this family, she may however be given the opportunity to earn her way back into "MY" family. She understands and knows that this is her only option.
She also understands that if this doesen't work she will never have physical posession of the children. She threw them away once it will never happen again
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903
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Do you want this M?
If not, then you are doing exactly what you need to do.
If you do want to rebuild your M, you are not going about building a solid foundation. You are building a M where you are in complete control, where your W is your servant/employee, and not treated very well.
I personally would not stay in a M where I was treated this way.
You are angry, but are you looking down the road?
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,144
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Is there some way for me to check with you in the future to see if my opinion is acceptable to you? I thought the disclaimer at the top was sufficient to alert everyone that these are individuals "opinions". You asked "if this man were to follow it (my advice) and lose, would you offer it to others?" No less or more then if it worked for him. Why do you think my opinion carries any more or less weight then anyone else.
No need to check with me or anyone else to offer your opinion, Ouch. I don't believe I suggested that in my response.
Your comment actually appears to hold me in contempt because I haven't suffered through infidelity. Wow. Is there a forum on this board that is allowed to only post about good marriages? Who is the judge of that one?
No contempt in my response at all--I'm surprised that you assumed it, in fact. MIM didn't see any, nor did anyone else deliver a 2x4, and believe me, no one here is immune from them.
Generally when some one disagrees with me they post an opinion stating where I am wrong. I can live with that. And the moderators of this board are welcome to either contact me or ban me from posting here. It is their site after all. But until that happens, I will continue to give my opinion and encourage others to do the same (including you). Thank you.
You're welcome.
Perhaps I didn't state my own opinion clearly enough. I agree with the MB plan that a BS should conduct an effective Plan A before banishing a WS (Plan B).
Your advice to this poster to put Plan B into place without any Plan A effort runs the risk of cementing the "reasons" the WS gave themself for betraying in the first place (and a WS has MANY, some of which are very real: BS neglected them, abused them with love busters, failed to meet their needs, etc...).
Dr. Harley advocates the BS behaving in a way that gives the WS a picture of what a GOOD marriage to them COULD be like (Plan A). If Plan B is necessary afterward (and it often is), WS would have that recent, better memory to compare to what life was like with the pre-A BS. Makes sense to me. Worked for me too, so you can see why I advocate the sequence Dr. Harley recommends.
[color:#3366FF]Perhaps because you have never had the need to reclaim your marriage after infidelity, you do not agree with Dr. H's logic. Understandable. But this poster is dealing with that, so other posters, like me, respond offering the advice that worked for us.
I'm OK with agreeing to disagree. Assume you are too.
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 8
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I want this M. I need to let you know that she now realizes that she has been inappropriate with other men on various levels throughout our entire marriage(not to this extent). She admits that she has been verbally abusive throughout the entire marriage and has only thought of herself. She has admited to several other things which require my current position on "My" family and "My" children. She did not wany to stay with us. She had several opportunities to choose us over him but she admits that she wanted him more, even after he didn't want her she still tried to keep it going. We are not going about rebuilding, we are starting over. She understands and agrees that it must be this way for now to protect of myself and the children. Walls will be lowered and trust will be earned as time goes on.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Is WW staying with her parents indefinetly? Have you spoken to your children about what's going on? What's the age range?
Sorry you are hurting t_u but you definetly have the right attitude to protect yourself and your children. Prayers to you.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 8
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 8 |
She will be at her parents for another week and the she will be allowed to return to my home. She understands that she must then demonstrate herself to be worthy of our trust and then and only then will we begin to build a marriage and a family. The children were infromed that we were having problems and that sometimes married people need to separate to work on problems.
Ages 2 to 19.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Wow. tu, did you read the material here yet? About what to do when affairs happen?
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 8
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I am in the process of reading the material. Can you direct me to the specific areas you mentioned below.
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