My husband and I have been seperated for almost 3 months. He says and acts like he wants the marriage to work. The only time that he wants anything to do with me is when he doesnt have his kids from a previous marriage. He says that he doesnt want them to be confused....he has been married 4 times.....if they havent been confused by now then im pretty sure they wont be this time. He says that he wants the kids to be happy, he wants to be happy and he wants me to be happy. Well right now the only ones who are happy are his kids because they got exactly what they wanted. Their dad and no one else and they do not care about his happiness. They do not understand the special bond and love a man and his wife have and how different it is than the bond and love a man has with his kids. They dont know that because no one has ever pointed that out to them. They want him to be happy alone with them and he does not see that. I dont know what to do. I dont want to lose my husband or my step children but I dont know how much longer I can go living like this.

Are you saying that you are separated because of the stepkids? What caused the separation? How long have you been married? How many kids? How old are you and the kids?

GG

We are seperated because I accidentally hit him in the nose without knowing it. 3 days later he moved out. He swears up and down that I did it on purpose. We have been married almost 2 years but together for 5. 2 step kids 14 and 12 and I have a 7 year old son.

After seeing their father married and divorced so many times, I'm afraid they've come to understand that the love between a man and his wife is disposable, and father/child is the only constant.

You sound angry at his children. Are you? Does that play out in the household dynamics? How does he treat your son? Blended families are difficult by nature, and take strong boundaries and understanding to get them working in a positive way. Especially when there are teenage step-kids.

I'm going to assume that you and he get together when the kids are at mom's, and he takes advantage of your willingness to perform 'wifely duties', am I right? That may go on forever unless you put an end to it. Have you read up on Plan A and Plan B here? It's for infidelity, but I think following a modified version may work for you here. Using the carrot to lure him back, showing him what he'd be missing if he left for good (and there's still a large chance that may happen--he's got quite a record going there), and then moving into Plan B, where you cut off contact unless and until he decides to come together as husband and wife, full-time.

And Plan B will give you some time to really consider whether you want to continue this marriage or not. From what you've said, he packed up and left because of an accident? And has now been gone three months?

Give a look at Plan A and Plan B, and also the 180, and get working on something other than hanging in limbo.

Plan A, the carrot and the stick: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubb...in=133206&Number=1640788#Post1640788

Article on Plan A and Plan B: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

The 180: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000476

I am not angry at the kids at all. He never made them respect me but expected me to respect them which I did either way. If I asked all 3 of the kids to pickup their trash or something and I asked them all at once he would say that I was being mean to his kids. The kids mom is remarried and she doesnt let the kids come between her and her husband and they know that they can come to our house and manipulate everything and get away with it. Because he doesnt want them to have to have the same things in our household that they have at their moms. Laundry and cleaning for instance....they have to clean their own rooms, do their own laundry and pick up after themselves at their moms house. When they are at ours he doesnt want them to have to do that at ours because they have to do it at her house. Thats bs I work 40 - 45 hours a week and do not want to come home and clean up after pigs. Sorry for the vent. I just dont know what else to do.

Vent away. Safe to do so here.

What do you want now? Do you want to restore this marriage? Do you think it is possible with a man who has three previous divorces? How many times have you been married?

I do want to repair the marriage. More than anything. I'm not really sure it can be repaired based on his marriage history. If it doesnt at least I can say that I have tried. This is my first marriage and first relationship with someone who has kids.

Just found out that his mom is telling everyone about our relationship. I called him to tell him that I dont feel that its her place to discuss our relationship with anyone. If we wanted them to know we would have to told them. He said that I need to stop bitchin' and said our relationship is her business. I dont think so.....I dont want to give up but at the same time I feel like I am wasting my time. He is like talking to a tree. This just goes to show that I cant discuss my feelings with him or even talk to him.

The more I think about things that have happened in our relationship the more I want out. Is this normal? Am I just talking myself out of the marriage by thinking about it? I know know!!