Hey there JT,

The boys are around and I can't talk freely. I am texting you back. I was wondering if you could meet up tomorrow or Thursday?

Late night owl? Eh?

To date or not to date, that is the question!

Whatever you're comfortable with, but, I don't think you get all hung up on legalities.

If you had to wait 5yrs to apply for divorce would you be happy to wait that long?

Question - Do you wait the five years for Divorce or do you date before that when YOU"RE ready?

And an early bird too! Every once in a while, I actually sleep in until 7a.m.!

LOL... your good I'll give you that.

I personally don't believe that those conditions warrant not being able to date before the final decree, provided that someone isn't an addict and has completed the process of recovering.

That's more what this is about. Not shortchanging my recovery because the "high or fun" feels good. If I do, then I have cheated G-d in healing me as the woman he envisioned for me. I am an addict Vladi, I created a sick life for myself and I have to live a new way that is true to myself. I'm still discovering myself, learning how to live in a healthy manner so I have to be careful about what my truths are.

Miss JT, don't you need your beauty sleep?

Good call! My point was if and when you are ready and living in a 'healthy manner, you do whats right for you.

Goodluck

Lol - well in Ireland where all my family still live, you have to be seperated 5yrs! Up until 1997 you couldn't even get a divorce! What should you do there? Never date again!!!

Wasn't Beauty a horse?

THEY BROKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now my TRUST in G-d is all I have and all I can do.

I know it's gonna feel like I'm picking on a specific person , but trust me, that is not my intent.

What I quoted above is the base trouble with the world we live in right now and is the reason affairs happen at all.

Right and wrong aren't derived from feelings. Right and wrong are one or the other, within context, every single time. What changes as far as context is not a person or a feeling that they have, but usually unknown, at least unseen, factors that can't even be identified that prevent what is normally wrong from being wrong at that particular instant, though it is usually the other way around and what is normally right can turn out to be wrong based on context.

The problem with deciding what is wrong or right from feelings is that feelings change so radically from moment to moment and day to day. It is in fact how a wayward becomes wayward and how people justify an affair. What makes me feel good is not necessarily right and Queenie should understand this idea better than most since it is what leads addicts to follow their addiction.

I would feel a whole lot better and be much happier if I had enough money to retire, or just quit my job and walk away. I could spend my days doing what I want to do. I could have the house my wife and I always dreamed of. I could have horses in the barn, cattle in the pasture and a staff of 40 to take care of it all. My wife and I could do whatever we wanted any time we wanted and would be able to spend our days together. We would be happy. It would FEEL great.

Nothing wrong with wishing...

But robbing a bank or swindling someone out of THEIR money in order to feel happier myself can't ever be right, except under perhaps the most incredible set of circumstances that would have to be tailor made to justify robbing a bank or stealing money from someone else. And even that set could not be applied to my wishing for more money.

I do want so much for Queenie to be happy. It's why I post to her at all, to lift her spirits and give her a reason to hope, not that WH will let go of the crack ho, but that she can have a fulfilling life in spite of him being with Crack Ho.

As far as dating based on old world customs that are no longer true, not even a valid argument so I'll not touch it right now.

As far as dating before divorce based on some sense that the marriage is over already...

Isn't that exactly what a wayward does in order to have an affair? They say "The marriage is over anyway..." so it must be right to date now...Can't be right now and wrong for them. Right and wrong are constants and not variables.

And yes, I could create a specific set of variables that would allow for a one time reversal of a single idea of right and wrong, but there would no doubt be a disconnect in logic someplace along the way or a set of given data that makes the entire argument moot.

But here is my best argument for what I am saying:

Feeling good is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself or anything else. Being happy is not wrong and happy people are more productive and better contributors to society than unhappy people.

But Queenie's husband left her to be "happy" and "feel good" about something. He followed his "high" instead of his promise to Queenie. Same as living to drink, smoking when you know it's bad for you and lighting the crack pipe because you want to feel good again.

Feeling good about yourself is not the right reason to date.

And no, I would not have Queenie sit around being miserable for the rest of her days. But until she is no longer married & is dating for some reason other than to feel better (that's called getting high, BTW) any reason to date is merely a justification for feeling better for a short time.

As for the archaic laws that forbid divorce under any circumstances...

At the same time they also burned adulterers...

And under Hebrew Law they would be stoned...

It still doesn't apply to this context...

Mark

OK. Between the start of my post and the time I posted it you posted this...

What's going on Queenie?

Mark

And I truly get this. It's about ME not others, not my judgement of what others need to do but that I have a different journey than other people and I don't have the luxury of doing something that feels good, I have the responsibility to G-d and my recovery to finish the healing process until the end and trust him that when I get to the other side, where ever that is I will be the woman he designed for me.

Hey Queenie! (JT excited to see you today!)

Call me!

Well....

I will JT.... We are on for tonight right?

I was lead to where WH used to work to talk to the one person who I know he still had contact with in some fashion. At first he was so hesitant to talk to me, but I just let G-d give me the words to say.

I have no pride anymore, I was fighting one last time for my family. I told him about MB, about how I had made a mess of our M, about how much I still loved H and just wanted him to come home and create a new marriage.

I was there looking to see if this person saw the changes in WH because he knew him to be a devoted father and husband. He said that they NEVER talked about personal stuff. I asked him when he saw WH last. He told me in December. I asked him if he seemed happy. He didn't give me a straight answer so I dug in for answers.

This person repeately asked me if I had a way of getting ahold of WH, I said no and that in fact I hadn't talked to him since 3-17-08. He told me that he talked to him this passed Friday and she was still gone, he was living alone.

I hugged him and promised him I would NOT contact him, because I KNOW that I am NO LONGER that woman who controls, but asked him to pray for WH, to pray that WH was lead back to G-d and his path for him. I told him about all I had learned, about how much I loved him and wanted him to come home, but that I loved him enough to let him go. I told him about MB, about how we both, but for sure me had lived in a dry drunk for so many years and that my H needed a wife, not someone who would take his journey away from him.

I don't know what happened, I know that I could delay the D if I wanted to, but I'm not sure. I wasn't kidding when I said I was done with WH. He is a monster and he is still extremely foggy. I have NO BUSINESS getting involved or even appearing over there, he is in G-ds hands.

I am stepping up my prayers. I want my family reunited, but it's has to be G-ds will and G-ds timing. NOT MINE.

So this is going to become a matinee serial now, complete with cliff hangers and suspense put on hold till the next episode...

Leaving for work now...

Mark

He gave me some interesting information about crack ho. Don't know where it fits into the story, but it certainly puts a match on how WH met her.

He commented on how WH always talked about his kids, but that she started showing up and he couldn't understand it. She was so rough looking. I asked him if he knew she was a crack addict with hep c and what he told me was so strange. Remember, WH told me he bumped into her at this store and it was instant attraction.

Evidently she was friends with one of the drivers at work and the driver was really bad news and did drugs and so after seeing her and knowing this person he could only surmise she was bad news too.

This friend knows my H is in a crisis of the highest magnitude. All I told him again after thanking him, was that I was just going to let G-d work it out. That I loved my H so much, that I wanted our family back so badly, but it had to be because it was G-ds will and that to please keep praying.

I did give him permission to tell my H he had a home to come to if he wanted to, but that I wasn't going to contact him and that I was going to pray.

I think he was impressed and believed that I just wanted my H to be happy.

My laptop is working today, but sometimes getting it all out I lose what I write... so I did in increments and I'm done now. Have a good day.

Did ya hear, I'm meeting JT....

YEP!!!! Around 4ish? I will be waaayyy done helping at DD's place by then. I can only scrape up carpeting and paint sealer on walls for so long and then I gotta take a break.

I seem to remember doing this with my first house-oh so many years ago. The joys of the "first" house.