Well, who knew that taking back my life would be so rewarding!

I'm living by myself for now. Don't know when I get my younger son back, and my older son is in school until the end of May. So I've remade my home into my wellness enclave. My living room is now a gym, complete with weights and a bench, an elliptical cross trainer, a treadmill, a Pilate's reformer, medicine ball and stability ball, plus a big TV and fitness DVD collection. And I'm using all of them and feel great about it!

The kitchen houses all sorts of healthy eats, and not a single can of Pringles! There's an emergency stash of dark chocolate in the pantry. The freezer is full of wild salmon fillets, chicken breasts and edamame beans. I bought orchids for the dining room table (love them!) and new Pottery Barn white dishes. I got rid of all the mismatched items that I have been left with and bought a brand new set of Cuisinart stainless cookware.

I have a collection of friends with whom I stay in contact regularly. They're fun and very supportive. And they need me too!

I'm keeping in regular contact with my sons. I sent them both Valentines cards that I made for them. To my younger son, I am sending him a weekly chapter from a story I'm writing for him, a boyish adventure for him to enjoy. And I'm preparing to take my older son off to tour universities over spring break. We're starting in Seattle!

I have started back at school and am taking some really interesting classes: Myth and Lit, Digital Video Production, Web Languages, Intro to Digital Photography, Adobe Flash and Illustrator.

I'm spending some time thinking about how I'm feeling these days. I am done crying and falling apart, although I reserve the right to revisit that as needed. I did cycle through some intense anger over the last two weeks. (X is lucky to be living overseas!)

I came to understand that my anger arose from the fear of the possibility of never being loved for who I am. I think I wanted a man to validate that I am lovable, and I have been led to believe that I wasn't. Well, forget that! I know who I am, and a lot of really quality people with integrity love me, and some without so much integrity do as well. And more importantly, I love who I am! If I am being rejected by those with a set of criteria that puts me in a place of not being true to myself, that's okay! Because I don't want to go there! And once I came to accept that, then anger dissolved.

Again, I reserve the right to get angry over other, fresh issues as time progresses through the divorce process.

I am going to cut my hair!!! I really miss having short, stylish hair.

JP