Last Friday, I discovered that my husband was having an affair with a woman who he had met again (after 35 years) at a HS reunion dinner planned on Facebook. They had obviously met up and started an email/text/phone relationship. It moved very quickly and within 2 weeks they were professing their love for one another. Things hadn't become physical yet, so my husband believed that he was handling this in an "honorable" way. I confronted him and told him (at the advice of my therapist) that his two options were to stay and work on our relationship, or to leave if he couldn't give up this woman. He claimed that he's been unhappy for a long time, that there is no chemistry with me and that he is being truthful with himself for the first time in his life. He needs to stand on his own two feet - something that he clearly is not doing. He has ended his relationship with me after 16 years and seems to have no ambivalence about it. He is currently staying in the guest room of a friends house.
My husband and I were not two people living separate lives. We were very bonded and very much a close couple. Of course, we had some serious issues that we had neglected to address, but he never let me know just how bad things had become for him. Within 2 days of my finding out, he spent the night with her and I found a page long love letter after that, basically saying that they will be spending their lives together. I understand that he is most likely going through a midlife crisis, but he truly believes that he loves this woman.
Lastly, he is in trouble financially right now. Although he has brought in a substantial income for many years, he announced about nine months ago that he didn't want to work for anyone else and was going to start his own business. So, at this point, his income is quite low and I am compensating with my salary. Was this decision also possibly part of the midlife thing? He is prepared to give me most of his earnings, but since they are not what they were, I will still have to pay more than 1/2 of the expenses. That was fine before, but now it's simply horrendous.
Any ideas or advice are greatly appreciated. THanks so much.