I've been thinking about becoming a WAW for years now. The only thing keeping me from leaving is the kids.

I don't really want a divorce, what I'd love is for my husband to make the changes necessary for us to have a relationship. However, I'm pretty certain that he won't change.

I know that the kids would not want us apart - there is no physical abuse - just psychological.

I am completely torn.

My husband has a home office and is rarely out of it except to go out to the yard, to the kitchen for food, or to the bathroom. He is our middle son's Weebloes den leader and goes with our youngest to his scouting activities. He does spend some time with the kids. Fishing now and then and sometimes taking the oldest two to the beach to go surfing.

Surfing is my husband's true love.

He is completely unable to relate to me at all. For years I pursued him and kept asking him to do things with me. Over time I got tired of needing him, built up a wall and things got worse. We began fighting more often and our fighting escalated. My rage built and built. Recently I've begun a 12-step program to work on my own "stuff" and my anger has reduced from a burning rage to an ability to hold my tongue quite a bit. The only problem is that I feel completely numb towards him.

He is the definition of "Passive Aggressive". He has no ability to empathize with people and doesn't see at all how controlling he is. His method of disciplining the kids is to leave it all up to me. OR, to blow his stack and yell at them when he tries to get them to do something and they won't.

He and I have NO fun times together - NONE. He has no idea how to ask a question about my thoughts or feelings. He can only relate to facts. We can go for a year without doing one single activity that is just for the two of us, and if we do an activity that is just the two of us, it is usually a dinner out and we either exchange factual information about the kids or we sit in silence eating.

We are either in different rooms living our lives, or we are fighting because some activity or another required that we communicate - which always ends up in a fight.

I go to bed at 9:30 - he goes to bed around 1AM. I get up at 6AM - he gets up between 7:30 and 8AM. Many days he stays in the office until just before the kids get home from school then leaves to do his outside work and gets home late - leaving me to deal with the kids and get dinner. Lately, I've become so depressed that I rarely even make a "family meal" any more.

I know it would tear the kids up if we separated, but I don't know if it's better for them to see this kind of modeling for the next 11 years (that's how long until the youngest is 18).

I feel like these kids did not ask to be brought into this world and I am willing to put their happiness above mine until they are on their own - however, I wonder if that is right? Am I modeling for them not to stick up for their own happiness?

Any thoughts/ideas appreciated.

Hi, Ozarks. You've been here almost 4 years. I think by definition you cannot be a Walk Away Wife. You've put time and effort into trying to save your marriage.

I made the decision that 1. I wasn't going to live my life on Paxil and 2. That a depressed Mom in a terrible marriage with a controlling, self-absorbed idiot was worse for the girls than divorce. It was a scary decision to have to make, but really for me there was better choice. Had I stayed, chances are good someone would have gotten very hurt. As in bodily harm.

Divorce is hard on kids, but it's not the end of the world. It's better than thinking parents that barely talk or spend time together have a healthy marriage, or really love each other. I've heard adults talk about how their parents really love each other when it's pretty clear the parents can't stand each other. Also, children don't want their parents to be miserable. This isn't boredom, or a bump in the road you're talking about. Your situation is miserable. That makes a difference in my book.

I'm not sure anyone has a "right to be happy" but I know no one should remain in a situation where he is deeply unhappy and there is no indication the situation will improve.