Hi! New here. First of all, I've been looking for help this whole week, and I'm glad I found this Forum.

I'm a BH in need of direction. Here's a quick summary of my 'status':

Known her for about 8 years.
Married 11/2008.
No children.
I turned 25 last week.
Wife turns 20 this summer.
Learned about online EA 1 week before my birthday.

The EA:
We were trying to purchase a home, so I was working more for the extra income. Since we had a bit of extra cash, we decided to finally get a Playstation 3 two weeks before the affair. We love video games, and thought this would be worth it. We discovered an online feature called "Home" where gamers meet up to play online games together. It seemed like an awesome idea, so we joined.
Well, my wife stayed home all day while I worked, and apparently spent it chatting with other players. She loved the attention (there aren't that many female gamers) and the flirting she received from so many people. She eventually got really close to one of them. Way too close. Turns out she regrets marrying so young, and after only dating one person (me). My gut feeling from her time spent on Home made me confront her about it, and I'm glad I did. She was planning to meet up with the guy! Just like everyone I read about in the forum, I felt like she had "poured battery acid on me." I wanted to die. I messed up and cried and practically broke down in front of her. I didn't know how to react. We went through that week trying to decide what to do, and in the end, I told her that she would have to choose between us, because I would not sit around and watch her go out with this guy. She ended up deciding that she did not want to lose me because she loved me. I made sure that she told the guy not to visit (he lives in Ohio, we're on the West Coast). My trust in her went up in flames since the EA, despite my efforts. I never knew who this guy was, even though I'm pretty sure I know his screen name.
Anyway, my birthday went okay. She seemed genuine in not hurting our relationship any further. She does not go on Home anymore, but still keeps in touch with the friends she made on there. Since I still did not trust her completely, I stayed home from work that week, to make sure we didn't get any unexpected visitors. This upset my wife at first, but I tried to be the loving husband, and things went well enough for us to have a romantic Valentine's day. I was ready to really give it a shot and try harder to trust her. But I had to make sure things were really over between them.
I snooped the day after Valentine's Day, and looked up her sent and received messages/e-mails. I do not have access to her e-mail password, but she left her inbox open while she showered. This is where part 2 of my dilemma begins. On the PlayStation 3, she had received flirtatious e-mails from who I highly suspect is the guy that she had/is having an EA with. Although she doesn't flirt back from the messages I was able to read, she doesn't tell him to shop either. She's leaving the door open for this guy to keep flirting with her. This worries me. I didn't tell her to stop contact with this guy because I assumed she knew that she'd have to do that to save our marriage. Bomb shell#2 was an e-mail she sent him the day after my Birthday. It says she still has a crush on him and would still like to meet him sometime. WTF?? I didn't have time to read e-mails she received because she was returning from her shower. That was the last e-mail she sent to him. I don't know if she's decided not to pursue anything with the guy since she wrote it a week ago (our relationship has gotten way better). I haven't told her anything about this. As far as she knows, we're back on track with our marriage and everything will be okay. I'm hurting so much inside though. I want to trust her. She's my wife, and I love her more than anything. And I'm happy that our marriage was seeming to improve. Should I let a week-old e-mail get in the way? Should I confront her about it? Should I tell her to stop contacting that guy? Should I talk to the guy?

I'm in danger of losing my job because I've spent so long at home. I really want to keep my job because of the economy (good luck finding another job!), but my marriage means more to me than my work. Is there a way to save both? I really don't want to return to work until I can trust my wife again. Please, any advice is welcome.

PS - I did read someone say something to another on the Forum about a Keylogger? If I need more evidence to confront my wife about it, this seems like the best thing I could get. Anybody know of a discreet one I can place on her Mac laptop, and for me to receive the date on my computer/e-mail? I don't want her to know that I'm snooping. Again, thanks everyone!

living4her,

For being 25 yrs. old, I think you are pretty smart to not just blow this off and think it will fade away. It won't. Kudos to you for searching for help for your M.

There is a thread on spying on GQII which is this forum. I'll bump it up for you. It should be near your thread by the time you read this. (hopefully)
It has good snooping info. Also read the first few threads at the very beginning of this forum. Good info on how to deal with wayward spouses, what they say, how they behave etc.

Read up on Plan A and start it, do the best you possibly can.

I understand your concern about your job. You don't want to lose it, since that will only create more problems. You can't babysit your W, but with a keylogger you will be able to track her activity.
I got a keylogger for a Mac here blazingtools.com

This should get you started and others will chime in the am. I need to go to bed.
Keep posting.

Take care

I installed eblaster on my WH's laptop and it has been fantastic.

You can choose to have internet movements emailed to you once a day or once an hour including transcripts of messages, emails, files uploaded/downloaded and myspace, facebook profiles opened etc. It also gives you all internet passwords too.

Highly recommended!

Good luck.

So sorry you are here. But you have come to the right place for saving marriages. Welcome!

I've got spectra soft Spector Pro on my laptop and desktop here at home. It's great way to get her e-mail password (wife has since given that to me), and log EVERY keystroke that is typed on either computer.

Company even has a version of the software you can install on a remote computer...like one at work. Very slick!

I'd also think about installing a gps tracker in her car and a voice activated recorder in her car.

Better safe than sorry...

And DO NOT give up your sources -- don't tell her about keylogger, gps or voice recorder.

If she's got a blackberry there is great software out there called flexispy.com. I'm not saying...I'm just saying Records all incoming and outgoing texts. Logs phone calls in and out (just who called). The more advanced version will lety you hear the call -- be the third person in on the line.

There is a lot you can do to check up on your wife. And do get the SAA book from this site and others. Great way to help your marriage.

living4her,
I'm so sorry, the helpful posts I told you to read are not at the beginning of this forum. They are at the beginning of the 'Just Found Out' forum. The 2nd and 3rd threads. A few pages from each will be of great help.

Stay in touch.

You have made a mistake in your choice of a wife, my friend. You are only married 3 short months and you are already dealing with adultery. A marriage that starts off like this will take so many years to recover that you are better off cutting your losses now and moving on. Whatever you do, don't have children with this woman. Don't bring innocent little children into this mess. Don't damn yourself to a life with a cheater.

So sorry you are here.

Thanks everyone for the advice and the suggested programs. I'm still debating between two of them.

I'll keep everyone updated after I purchase one and install! Again, thanks for the help. The suspicion was and is killing me.

Anybody know a good way to install the keylogger in WW's laptop without arousing suspicion? She's home whenever I'm home, so it's hard to get her away from her laptop long enough for me to install it. I don't even know how long it takes for the install. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

You will have to confront her. Does she not work? If she doesn't close any joint accounts with her. You need to tell her. If you wait, you only allow them to get closer. You need to basically worry her about your marriage. I would tell her to leave, and decide. But also tell her the day she meets this guy is the day you will file for divorce. Hopefully this really scares her. Enough that she dumps this guy.