I found out about my husband's internet affair almost a year ago. When I confronted him and demanded that he end it, he promised to do so. He has insisted that he has had no contact with her since then. I believe him, but I still feel incredibly insecure. (Who wouldn't, right?)

So per the advice I was given here, I downloaded spyware to his computer last week. I found out his email passwords and have read damn near every email he's sent or received for the past three years.

I have found nothing illicit. In fact, there are some email exchanges with some of his friends discussing the affair -- mostly talking about how he and I are getting along or not getting along in the aftermath -- and those emails indicate that it did indeed end when he said it ended.

So my question is this: for how long do I keep checking his email? At what point should I be satisfied that he has been honest with me since I confronted him, and that there is no reason to worry.

Forever. If you want to keep your marriage safe there is no such thing as access limitation.

Do I ever tell him? Or do I just keep secretly reading his email for the rest of our life together?

Look he should give you his access code to get into the machine.

Keep the keylogger a secret until you have established a working POJA arrangement.

Should I offer the same to him? I can't imagine that he would even be interested in reading my email (I'm not the untrustworthy one, after all), but should I offer it anyway?

I would keep watching for awhile. You need to look longer than 2 days. If he did do or say anything incriminating in the past, he would have naturally deleted it. The longer you look and see that he is being truthful, the more you will trust him and the more secure you will feel.

But that is not something I would ever tell him about. There is no use in telling someone they are being watched becuase if they are doing something wrong, they just go further underground.

So that's my question: how long do I snoop before I can be satisfied that he has been honest with me?

You would have to answer that question.

There really aren't any easy answers for this, are there?

He ended the affair. Lately, he seems to making an extra effort to be nice and thoughtful and helpful and patient. And yet, I can't help feeling uncertain about everything -- our future, his intentions, et cetera. Last night he was being so sweet to me, and I just burst into tears because I don't even know if it's real anymore. I used to have such faith in his love for me. He was crazy about me; everyone could see it. And now I don't even know whether I should believe him when he says "I love you."

I hate this. I hate this, and I hate that woman for inserting herself into my marriage and turning my world upside down so that my husband telling me he loves me makes me cry.

Well, it is promising that you found nothing for now. I thought you might find something.

So, just try to start recovery, but check periodically.

By the way, it will take a long time to recover, probably several years. I know, it sucks.

Thanks, believer. We're supposed to make an appointment with our marriage counselor together (he's been seeing her alone for the past month or so), and I guess that will be a good time to talk about wanting to start recovery in earnest. (I feel like we've just sort of avoided the topic for the past ten months.)

Right now my plan is to snoop until they put me in a pine box, or come up with something more "snoopy"

Look, I thought things were great with my WW until the bomb dropped on DDay. She was pretty good at lies by omission. I will not suffer another day like that again.

I'm keylogging her computer, reading all her e-mails and monitoring her cell phone and text messages. She gave me her e-mail account, but the rest is unknown to her. That's the way I like it for now.

Snoop all you want. You are PROTECTING your marriage!