Looking for feedback on a current situation. We have been married for almost 15 years and have 3 kids (13.10.6). Wife receives a promotion 3 years ago and has to do a lot of traveling. Not a big deal told her take the promotion I’ll just have to do more running. At first it was no big deal but then her 40th birthday comes around and she decides her and some of her friends are going to New York to celebrate her birthday but she never asked me to go. This happened 2 ½ years ago and we have not stopped arguing since then. I have gotten past the NY thing but now with her job she is constantly traveling with her boss who is a male. He is married but his wife lives 5 hours away so he lives in a condo by work. I know most of this is boring but needed to lay the groundwork. The parts which make me suspicious are the following:
1-When she travels with her boss never can get a hold of her on cell phone. When she is traveling alone always readily available.
2-She use to have an incredibly high sex drive (4 to 5 times a week). Now before she leaves it always I am too tired and the sex has gone down to once a week.
3-In the last year she drove 2 ½ hours one way to a company function and back while I was out of town.
4-She is a proclaimed home body but has a meeting set up, which is 45 minutes from our house, which she has to stay overnight. You guessed it her boss is going with her.
5-States that she would want me to go on some of her trips but nothing ever materializes. Her last trip out east, she said I want you to come with me. Tickets never materialized but her boss went with her.
6-Constantly buying new cloths for her travels so she can impress “co-workers”. Eats very healthy to maintain her weight (5’6, 114 blonde hair and blue eyes).
These are just some examples that have happened in the last year. She always makes promises then breaks them. I get upset and then she tells me I am the problem. There has been a definite behavior change with her. We have gone to 2 marriage counselors but they don’t seem to work. They tell me I have to accept her change whatever that means. I have no proof but simply a gut feel that something is going on. I can’t check her cell phone or computer because both are work issued and password protected. After battling with her for the last 3 years I am emotionally worn out. So the question is are these signs of a cheating wife or am I letting the emotions get the better of me? Thanks

Certainly does sound suspicious. You may want to hit notify at the bottom and ask to be moved over to General Questions 11--much more traffic there and you will get many more responses.

Well all the signs are there, buying new clothes, can't contact her when she is with her boss, lowered sex drive, you not being invited, and her saying that YOU are the problem, and also the fact that the boss doesn't live with his wife. That could be on purpose.

I suggest that you get a sitter and "surprise" her at the overnighter, or order one of those semen checking kits and check her panties next time she comes home. If you decide to do that, be sure not to have SF with her right before the trip so there will be no false positive.

You need to find out the truth so you know how to fight for your marriage. At the very least, she isn't very considerate of your feelings.

Or hire a PI to cover one of their out of town functions. Get all the evidence you need for a full exposure. There are plenty of red flags in what you wrote.

Have you checked number of minutes on cell phone call to the boss? Have you installed a keylogger on the home computer?

Women are "savers", typically. Does she have a stashed of gifts, cards or letters somewhere?

You need to know what you are facing before you can "fix" anything.

Check her undergarments with a checkmate kit.

You can check the DNA of the semen!

Definitely get the semen test. I think you know your wife. Go with your gut. The way your wife travels the kids will go with you.

Digital voice activated recorder in her car and house.

Keylogger on the home computer.

Well, if I were you, it would be quite simple. Next time she has to go out of town on one of these business trips, find out where she's going. Then make your own travel plans to where ever she is and surprise her with a dozen roses.

She'll ask what are you doing here. Tell her that you two have talked about you going on one of these trips and you've elected to try to spend some time in another city to reconnect and have somewhat of a romantic weekend when she isn't working.

Bottom line is she's either going to be pleasantly surprised that you came or mad as hell because you've messed up her affair plans. Then you've got an idea on what's going on in your marriage.

Thanks for the response. At first I did not want to believe it was a possibilty but that is human nature I guess. I guess it is time to face the ugly reality. I did not want to move this to general discussion because I was looking for someone who had a similiar experience. Thanks again for the advice.

Your gut instinct is usually right. But, you need more evidence. Some very good methods for obtaining that have been mentioned here.

The reason that I suggested that you move to GQ11 is that most of the "vets" hang out there and you would get many more views to your thread and many more who may have been in the same situation that you are now experiencing. Hence, much more advice/opinions.

Too many major red flags to ignore here.

You need to go into major snoop mode. Don't feel bad about this. Your marriage is very likely under attack and you have every right to defend it and yourself.

Check Email. Get a keylogger on any home computer she uses. These work great.

Search the house and her car for hidden gifts you know nothing about. Search everywhere.

Search her purse and briefcase. WW's love to keep their love notes close.

Get a digital voice activated recorder. Practice with it first and disable any alarms it may have such as low battery alerts.

The advice to get a PI for a single day of her next suspicious trip is really solid and not done enough around here. This would probably be all you need and could wrap up round one quickly.



I do not remember a single person who has come here with that instinct to be wrong. Not one.

You will need more evidence to have a chance at a confession, but yes, she is cheating on you.

What I'd do is: Get the proof you need, and expose to everyone. Wreck her boss's life legally.

This is very true. I can't remember a single instance, either.

Don't confront until you have the proof. Even then, expect a denial. Read the rest of the site about Plan A/B. Be prepared when you confront. Don't look like a wimp and beg and plead. Don't ask why because you'll get lies and ugly remarks. Don't start with ultimatums. Too often the "do this or else" doesn't go the way you think and you have to back down from your or else which makes you look weak and encourages further bad things on her part.

Get evidence.

Plan confrontation.

Plan strategy for winning your wife back.

Pack up the kids to Grandma's

Confront and be strong. Carry through with exposure to everybody humanly possible. Expose to OM's wife and family. Especially seek some HR help from their workplace.


Expect things to get worse. They will long before they get better.

Expect, actively search for, and expose continued contact

PRAY HARD. You will need it in the coming days, weeks, and months.

You may want to read Dr.Scott's thread under GQ (name of thread--Hi all, BS here). He is the exposure king so that would be good info to have.