Very nice photo!!

Pariah, you devil! You're really good looking. Your ex was stupid.

Oh, gf is pretty too! Good job!

When we were at the restaurant, there was a man and his Chinese GF with him. She was an English teacher in China and was here on an exchange program.

We were conversing and he told her that I was what is referred to as a Southern Gentleman. Polite, educated and values a woman's opinion.


I considered it a great compliment.

Sooooo, what did she get for Valentines Day?

Dinner and laid.


It's what she asked for in her card.

She WANTS a ring, but I just can't give it to her. It'd be unfair to both of us.

Unfair to both? 'splain it to us, Lucy.

And also, happy for you that a lovely lady appreciates you!

Just curious -- do you consider yourself a renter or a freeloader? (I think "buyer" is out of the question...)

And what would she be? If she is a buyer (kinda sounds like it) how do you view the long term prospect for this relationship?

Let's not pigeonhole ol' P just yet, okay? It's apparent that he's still a might touchy on the subject of relationship dynamics. He and his GF seem to have a pretty good thing going. She's reaching a certain point well ahead of him. In fact, he might not ever get there. That's his prerogative and at least he's being totally O&H with her about it. He's not leading her to believe that an M will someday be imminent in order to continue getting his needs met. If she refuses to see and acknowledge his honesty, then that's all on her.

I actually don't know what I consider myself.

I pay all of the bills, including her car.

She wants for nothing and spends her paycheck however she wants.

She cooks, cleans and does my laundry, I also do domestic chores when she is incapable or when she requests.

I take extremely good care of her, physically and emotionally and she will be the first to apologize when she says something out of line which is usually something involving my memory loss problem.

She does parise me when I do good and that's a big plus, but she does nag me about buying a house, soon. I still have medicals and taxes to pay off since my divorce to the tune of sixteen grand.

My ONLY problem with her at the moment is the way she has been to my pet. At first you couldn't seperate them. I mean I basolutely couldn't get near my cockatoo for the risk of her biting me to remove her from Tabs.

Now that I'm moved in and settled, Roxy has been yet again relegated to a back bedroom and she won't allow her in her lap any more so Roxy will scream at the top of her cockatoo lungs at jungle decibels. I promised Roxy I would never let her be relegated to unwanted pet status ever again, even if it meant I was alone with just the cockatoo.

Tabs claims it's her feet are too sharp, or her feathers are dusty or she's being pesty.

My cockatoo is MY child. I treat her almost grown kids like they are my own when they are around. Heck, they ADORE me.

Roxy got stuck outside in a storage building for three years when I was married to the soulsucking harpy.

However when we finally do get a house she insists Roxy get a big, glassed 'too room with a pet door for her to come in and out, but she can jungle call to heart's desire in.

I do agree on that. But the bird will still come and eat dinner with us as it's social flocking behavior I will not deny it.

I know Tab's main complaint with me is my damaged memory. I will ask her several times in an evening what her work schedule is or stop in mid sentence as the the connection from my thoughts to communication is broken. She will have to ask me to finish the sentence. It drives her nuts.

We do actually compliment each other. Kinda like peas and carrots. She has physical problems from her stroke, but her mind is now sharp as a tack, her long term memory is gone, she is incapable of holding a grudge, but she can't perceive a threat.

I have damaged short term memory, so she is like my Blackberry. I do things for her that she can't, like ironing, sewing, mixing things when she is cooking or using the kitchen knives.

We pretty much like the same TV shows and meet in the middle. However she hates science and space stuff and I can't stand chick flicks so I watch my science stuff when she's at work and she watches her shows when I'm out shooting.

We both enjoy the same horror stuff. That's middle ground for going to the movies. We always come to a consensus or trade for movies. However she told me that I will have to go to Star Trek alone with the other virgins.

Ha HA!! Knowing what kind of bird you had, it actually reads pretty funny with the word edited out!!!

seabird -- in no way was I trying to pigeonhole anyone. sheesh.

P -- I ask because I'm interested. I'm in a relationship where we are technically both buyers. However I'm a buyer who wants marriage (someday) and he's a buyer who would be perfectly content to leave things the way they are.

He's also open and honest with me. And I am with him.
However -- there's that big ol impasse. Marriage vs. No Marrige.

I can't be satisfied long term without it. Eventually it will become a deal breaker.

Would your girlfriend be satisfied with the status quo long term?

Lexxy - I'm going to ask you not to be offended by my comment. My point is that, as good as MB principles are, I don't think that all relationships can be categorized so easily. I understand that generally, people can be seen as "renters" or "buyers" (haven't heard the "freeloader" term of use before), but given P's history, it might not suffice for him to regard himself as any one of those things at this point.

No prob Seabird (you're a buyer by the way! heehee couldn't resist.)

Its one of the Harley's books "buyers, renters, and freeloaders"
Its one of the more applicable books for us in the dating world.

In my experience, its not easy to find you BUYER-GUYS! There seems to be an abundance of them on this forum, however not so many where I live!

She said she would be and would understand.

I don't understand why she trusts me so much as her divorce was worse than mine was.

Her XH treated her like trash because of her stroke and did nothing but belittle and abuse her.

Okay, thanks Lexxy. I haven't read the book. I've seen the first two terms used here and how they're defined. Perhaps Harley elaborates sufficiently on all of them in the book that P fits into one of those categories? Is a freeloader someone who is all Taker in the relationship?

And yeah, I guess I'm a buyer now as I understand the notion. My XW and I lived together for 3 years before getting married. Two years in an apt, and then we bought a house together a full year before our M. In all fairness we were engaged at that point, but I guess that's not the same thing.

We thought we were being smart. Trying each other on for size. Her father even supported the living together part first.

I was always a buyer. My XW never was. She always had one foot out the door. I should have realized it by her consistent threats to leave; at least one per year.

That's because this is a buyer's forum

Every man here was either once a buyer, wants to be a buyer, or despite everything still is a buyer.

So that's the main reason there are men here

and in the future we want to make better purchases

Are the buyer, renter, freeloader terms fixed to the individual or rather descriptive of how that person is in a particular relationship? Basically, can one be a renter in one relationship, and then a buyer in the next (without reading the book and actively pursuing this)?

Well put.

Hey Tabby --

You can be different things even within a single relationship.
You can move from renter to buyer. Or buyer to freeloader.

It is a description of how your giver and taker are behaving.
And about your commitment level.

Here's the commercial:

That's kinda what I thought Lexxy but I got a bit confused. I see myself as more of a rent-to-own kind of person now. In other words, I'd like to buy but I'm very, very cautious.